Wednesday, January 17, 2007

The Eagerness for the Fulfillment of Hope

The daily reading from yesterday's Mass struck a definite chord in my heart. It spoke directly to my heart and the troubles I have been feeling lately, namely those of this conflicting love in my heart. A few of the verses from the reading, the ones most pertinent to my heart at this time are as follows:
For God is not unjust so as to overlook your work and the love you have demonstrated for his name by having served and continuing to serve the holy ones. We earnestly desire each of you to demonstrate the same eagerness for the fulfillment of hope until the end, so that you may not become sluggish, but imitators of those who, through faith and patience, are inheriting the promises. When God made the promise to Abraham, since he had no one greater by whom to swear, "he swore by himself," and said, "I will indeed bless you and multiply" you. And so, after patient waiting, he obtained the promise. – Hebrews 6:10-16

While the context to which the preceding passage moved me is much lesser in significance, it still epitomizes how I should tread this very narrow tight-rope of loving desire. I know the Lord is there and is watching over me, wanting only the best. I must trust His will. I know I must not move from the tight-rope before me, lest I fall from the Grace the Lord has put before me. I shouldn't allow jealously or malice enter into my thoughts. Those two are among my most worrisome temptations for me at this time.

For it is much easier to let one's heart become hard when it is in pain. It much easier for it to become jealous and callous to touch when wrenched in pain. But as C.S. Lewis said, "To love at all is to be vulnerable." And right now, my heart is vulnerable. It is vulnerable to all sorts of whims, but I know it is also at the same time the most secure it will ever be. I have put my worries into the Lord's hands.

I will be patient in my heart, for I know the Lord will not overlook my work and the love I have demonstrated for His name, namely that unconditional love. For it is when all strings have been removed from our love, do we actual see the joy that is truly in our lives.

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