Yesterday was the Feast of the Transfiguration of the Lord, and the mountaintop analogy pervades my thoughts this day as it did this past Aggie Awakening.
Yet we ought not to discount the mountains for what they are—mountains—and thus turn them into molehills. I tried to do just that that Sunday. I was a mess. I was stressed, and I snapped. I refused not only to love in that moment, I rejected God's love around me. I couldn't—for that extended moment—turn the other cheek.
It was all of a sudden "about me." That's happened over the summer several times for me, which occurs for us all when we start doubting God's plans for us and all of His children. It's once we let go of our preconditions of love that we are born not into slavery but into freedom to love. We aren't burdened in the same way anymore. We are transfigured in love. And in these days since that weekend, I have seen His love transfigure not only me and my condition but my brothers and sisters in Christ and the whole world around me.
Be transfigured in love and let the world be changed because of it. Don't let that mountaintop experience go but cherish it evermore.
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Monday, August 04, 2008
August Sun
Brightening sky,
With orange wisps of cloud,
You give your display
As though I were the only one,
But rather you deserve ten thousand to my one.
How do I describe
What sages and poets once tried?
Dark blues dance into purple,
And purples play into pink
And pinks into oranges with beauty in such a feat.
I struggle to grasp the words,
As though they were your clouds.
Now passing pale purples,
Before your bright canvas,
Show your inflamed glory that stays.
Yet you do not stay the same;
Your beauty constantly changes.
Your brightness and light give way
To the darkness of night
And to flashes of lightning strikes.
You dim this day,
Your yellows and oranges mere dreams instead.
In your place, grayish blues
And worrisome clouds take your stead
In a harrowing tempest foretold.
The winds pick up,
They rustle through the trees,
And thunder rumbles
In the distance
As you fade away.
And yet before this all,
In my audience of one,
I see through the pond's reflection,
A bright red orb of fire dancing,
You, the elusive and fiery August sun.
With orange wisps of cloud,
You give your display
As though I were the only one,
But rather you deserve ten thousand to my one.
How do I describe
What sages and poets once tried?
Dark blues dance into purple,
And purples play into pink
And pinks into oranges with beauty in such a feat.
I struggle to grasp the words,
As though they were your clouds.
Now passing pale purples,
Before your bright canvas,
Show your inflamed glory that stays.
Yet you do not stay the same;
Your beauty constantly changes.
Your brightness and light give way
To the darkness of night
And to flashes of lightning strikes.
You dim this day,
Your yellows and oranges mere dreams instead.
In your place, grayish blues
And worrisome clouds take your stead
In a harrowing tempest foretold.
The winds pick up,
They rustle through the trees,
And thunder rumbles
In the distance
As you fade away.
And yet before this all,
In my audience of one,
I see through the pond's reflection,
A bright red orb of fire dancing,
You, the elusive and fiery August sun.
Sunday, August 03, 2008
Stormy Seas
Stormy seas
With strongest gales,
Stormy seas
With drenching rains
What waves dost have,
What tempest swirls;
What deafening roar
Dost possess in anger so great.
You buffet my ship
With anger so great;
The sails flutter
In the winds as they break.
The waves crash in,
Assailing my ship
With gauntlet after gauntlet of despair,
Leaving only destruction in its wake.
Fighting against fight,
Raging against storm,
I rise to take my stand
And vanquish you once more.
With strongest gales,
Stormy seas
With drenching rains
What waves dost have,
What tempest swirls;
What deafening roar
Dost possess in anger so great.
You buffet my ship
With anger so great;
The sails flutter
In the winds as they break.
The waves crash in,
Assailing my ship
With gauntlet after gauntlet of despair,
Leaving only destruction in its wake.
Fighting against fight,
Raging against storm,
I rise to take my stand
And vanquish you once more.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Let the Rains of Justice Come...
Okay, so I waited long enough to undertake this writing, and it appears it won't be as polished as I hoped in all the time since last Wednesday. It is has been a topsy-turvy week for me, one I wish not to be rivaled but one that I'm sure will be in the eventuality that things must get worse before than can get better. Yet, it is in difficult situations that one learns about oneself. So it is.
The first point I would like to cover, and I feel as if I am a broken record here speaking to a faceless audience, one I'm not even sure cares what I say or to another audience that sees these words as pure sorrow, is that I am somehow dejected in sorrow. As to that I must respond whole-heartedly, for it says in Romans 5:3-5:
Did you catch that? In our affliction. It results in proven character and proven character, hope. And hope (as we know) doesn't disappoint. Some might ask: "Why is there sorrow? Why is there pain?" And the simple answer is in sorrow we find ourselves. It is in adversity, in the unhappy times, that we can see what brings us to completion in the joyous times.
And so in this I have felt a great hope. It is in this testing by fire of one's commitments to the road ahead and to the love of God and creation that can become red-hot in nature and a reason for great affliction presented throughout our lives.
I shall state it here. I shall state it on the rooftops, on the streets, to anyone I meet. I am a man of emotion, yes. I find in emotion the greatest gift I can present and that is a set of feelings wrought hopefully not only in reality of the situation but in a future of possibility and of joy. I cannot go throughout this world simply reasoning things away, for me living is about loving. As St. Thomas More stated (and which I have already quoted before): "In the end it is not a matter of reason, it is a matter of love." To me this sums up life quintessentially. It should be our calling, our mantra, and our guiding rule of living. Just as much as the statement "Preach the Gospel at all times—if necessary use words" is a good one to follow, these words of St. Thomas More are not simply words but a call to action, to live not solely on reason but out of compassion for the world around us and for those in our lives and those who we have possibly ignored.
And yes, that can take a sappy connotation. It can be taken to be simply romantic fluff, emotional sappiness, or any other concoctions of placement. But it is none of those things. If we truly love, if we truly care for those around us, it doesn't become emotional sappiness or romantic sweet-nothings spoken silently to a loved one. It becomes real and true change in this world.
For in our broken human nature, we center ourselves around our own well-being, our own concerns, our own thoughts and wishes. It becomes solely "what's in it for me?" rather than "how does this affect the One I ought to care for?" Here's the danger, especially when one becomes possibly too attracted to the call for selfless love...having a disordered craving for intimacy. Yes, we all crave intimacy, but when it becomes a disordered demand for it, it hinders not only our relationship with God and ourselves but especially those near to us, to the one in our midst. These disordered cravings can become the calling card of a unbalanced relationship that leads to pain and to suffering. And then it comes a blaming game, either aloud or in one's heart.
The danger lies there...in words unspoken, in concerns unshared. It becomes almost a vain bitterness for a "wrong" done that was no "wrong" at all, merely a misunderstanding or like two ships passing in the night, so to speak.
And it is therein lies the crux of the problem for me: balancing reason with emotion. I can float back and forth quite quickly, maybe sometimes too much for those who know me. One cannot go through life simply on calculated reason. Human beings are not simply rational agents. We are people with emotions (hidden or exposed) and thought-processes that aren't the flawless things we try to make them out to be.
And so last Wednesday, the rains of justice fell. They washed away the misconceptions of my heart and started the process of peace once more and of removing conflict and pain.
Those words spoken to me by another were part of the cleansing process, just as much as the physical drops of rain that fell for those two hours. Those were the same words that were with me during Mass that evening, as the rains crescendoed during the Consecration, the same words I heard not just that person speak to me earlier that afternoon but Christ too speak to me during the Mass: "Do not be afraid to reach out with love." I cursed my affliction on Monday, and it was blessed on Wednesday—not by me, but by Christ himself. How could I curse this affliction of mine? Why should I be of so little faith when I've followed the Lord for so long and through so much? Why could I not let go of my selfish pride and thoughts at the time for a greater plan?
Father David's homily that day spoke of the curiousness of God's plan through salvation, as the Gospel reading was from Matthew 10 when Jesus chose His disciples, specifically on the reasons why He choose Judas Iscariot as one of the Twelve. Since He foreknew all things, why do something like that? It's sometimes through these most counter-intuitive plans that our personal redemption is brought to life. It's not that the road is simple that we are on it. It's because it's difficult to grasp that we continue on in learning and growth of understanding.
And so I see these events of not only the immediate past weeks but these years of confusion in my heart at various times as something of a grander plan that does make more sense. That this is helping me in my understanding how to fully give of myself, the pulling and pushing of the heart I've been reminded of lately.
This doesn't by itself take away the feelings of uneasiness in reaching out. It merely allows for a greater confidence in the One who sends me. That somehow, I will make it through the present afflictions.
I don't know if those whom I care for will always return the love I feel, but if it is a selfless one, I must learn to give and not receive at times. If it is selfless then I must realize my hope is not in the human existence but in the Divine. I must throw down any idols I might have created in the process of trying to find a holy love of purity and chastity, no matter the most honest of intentions, and plow a new field. As the Lord says in Hosea 10:12, the closing to the first reading from last Wednesday:
It is in the insecurity of my heart that I seek consolation, that I seek the Other in my life. I know not who She is, but it is She whom I seek. No eloquence of words can measure the confusion of heart in which I place myself here this time and many times before and surely many times to come. Some days I curse the writings I have done, and other times I bless them saying to myself it is a gift I shouldn't hide. And so I oscillate. It becomes a source of consolation and one of desolation. But if I did not say this to you, my dear reader, then I would be lying not only to you but myself.
I doubt myself too much, and quite apparently it shows. It seems as though I am damaged goods to some. So be it. If these words and past words shall incriminate me to the ends of the earth for being a sentimental bloke, then so be it. If these words shall call me a fool, then so be it. I'd rather be a fool for Christ in all of my warts than a person of self-wallowing glory or a liar in denial who is apart from Him. That is how I see these words exposed. For it is a call into the Night.
And so I say to those whom I love: love me with a love that is neither cold nor luke-warm but with one that is hot, as hot as the sun of day. Love me and I will love you in return!
It is my hope and my fullest intention to live this day and every day forward with a continually renewed love, reigned by clarity of heart, of mind, and of soul. For even if affliction shall bear down, the rains of justice shall prevail. The cross shall bear all sorrows. And so I pick up my own cross and carry on.
My heart shall not be silenced nor my willingness to reach out once more to you, whomever you are, in the wide world of ours. Peace be with you.
The first point I would like to cover, and I feel as if I am a broken record here speaking to a faceless audience, one I'm not even sure cares what I say or to another audience that sees these words as pure sorrow, is that I am somehow dejected in sorrow. As to that I must respond whole-heartedly, for it says in Romans 5:3-5:
Not only that, but we even boast of our afflictions, knowing that affliction produces endurance, and endurance, proven character, and proven character, hope, and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the holy Spirit that has been given to us.
Did you catch that? In our affliction. It results in proven character and proven character, hope. And hope (as we know) doesn't disappoint. Some might ask: "Why is there sorrow? Why is there pain?" And the simple answer is in sorrow we find ourselves. It is in adversity, in the unhappy times, that we can see what brings us to completion in the joyous times.
And so in this I have felt a great hope. It is in this testing by fire of one's commitments to the road ahead and to the love of God and creation that can become red-hot in nature and a reason for great affliction presented throughout our lives.
I shall state it here. I shall state it on the rooftops, on the streets, to anyone I meet. I am a man of emotion, yes. I find in emotion the greatest gift I can present and that is a set of feelings wrought hopefully not only in reality of the situation but in a future of possibility and of joy. I cannot go throughout this world simply reasoning things away, for me living is about loving. As St. Thomas More stated (and which I have already quoted before): "In the end it is not a matter of reason, it is a matter of love." To me this sums up life quintessentially. It should be our calling, our mantra, and our guiding rule of living. Just as much as the statement "Preach the Gospel at all times—if necessary use words" is a good one to follow, these words of St. Thomas More are not simply words but a call to action, to live not solely on reason but out of compassion for the world around us and for those in our lives and those who we have possibly ignored.
And yes, that can take a sappy connotation. It can be taken to be simply romantic fluff, emotional sappiness, or any other concoctions of placement. But it is none of those things. If we truly love, if we truly care for those around us, it doesn't become emotional sappiness or romantic sweet-nothings spoken silently to a loved one. It becomes real and true change in this world.
For in our broken human nature, we center ourselves around our own well-being, our own concerns, our own thoughts and wishes. It becomes solely "what's in it for me?" rather than "how does this affect the One I ought to care for?" Here's the danger, especially when one becomes possibly too attracted to the call for selfless love...having a disordered craving for intimacy. Yes, we all crave intimacy, but when it becomes a disordered demand for it, it hinders not only our relationship with God and ourselves but especially those near to us, to the one in our midst. These disordered cravings can become the calling card of a unbalanced relationship that leads to pain and to suffering. And then it comes a blaming game, either aloud or in one's heart.
The danger lies there...in words unspoken, in concerns unshared. It becomes almost a vain bitterness for a "wrong" done that was no "wrong" at all, merely a misunderstanding or like two ships passing in the night, so to speak.
And it is therein lies the crux of the problem for me: balancing reason with emotion. I can float back and forth quite quickly, maybe sometimes too much for those who know me. One cannot go through life simply on calculated reason. Human beings are not simply rational agents. We are people with emotions (hidden or exposed) and thought-processes that aren't the flawless things we try to make them out to be.
And so last Wednesday, the rains of justice fell. They washed away the misconceptions of my heart and started the process of peace once more and of removing conflict and pain.
Those words spoken to me by another were part of the cleansing process, just as much as the physical drops of rain that fell for those two hours. Those were the same words that were with me during Mass that evening, as the rains crescendoed during the Consecration, the same words I heard not just that person speak to me earlier that afternoon but Christ too speak to me during the Mass: "Do not be afraid to reach out with love." I cursed my affliction on Monday, and it was blessed on Wednesday—not by me, but by Christ himself. How could I curse this affliction of mine? Why should I be of so little faith when I've followed the Lord for so long and through so much? Why could I not let go of my selfish pride and thoughts at the time for a greater plan?
Father David's homily that day spoke of the curiousness of God's plan through salvation, as the Gospel reading was from Matthew 10 when Jesus chose His disciples, specifically on the reasons why He choose Judas Iscariot as one of the Twelve. Since He foreknew all things, why do something like that? It's sometimes through these most counter-intuitive plans that our personal redemption is brought to life. It's not that the road is simple that we are on it. It's because it's difficult to grasp that we continue on in learning and growth of understanding.
And so I see these events of not only the immediate past weeks but these years of confusion in my heart at various times as something of a grander plan that does make more sense. That this is helping me in my understanding how to fully give of myself, the pulling and pushing of the heart I've been reminded of lately.
This doesn't by itself take away the feelings of uneasiness in reaching out. It merely allows for a greater confidence in the One who sends me. That somehow, I will make it through the present afflictions.
I don't know if those whom I care for will always return the love I feel, but if it is a selfless one, I must learn to give and not receive at times. If it is selfless then I must realize my hope is not in the human existence but in the Divine. I must throw down any idols I might have created in the process of trying to find a holy love of purity and chastity, no matter the most honest of intentions, and plow a new field. As the Lord says in Hosea 10:12, the closing to the first reading from last Wednesday:
“Sow for yourselves justice,
reap the fruit of piety;
break up for yourselves a new field,
for it is time to seek the LORD, till he come and rain down justice upon you.”
It is in the insecurity of my heart that I seek consolation, that I seek the Other in my life. I know not who She is, but it is She whom I seek. No eloquence of words can measure the confusion of heart in which I place myself here this time and many times before and surely many times to come. Some days I curse the writings I have done, and other times I bless them saying to myself it is a gift I shouldn't hide. And so I oscillate. It becomes a source of consolation and one of desolation. But if I did not say this to you, my dear reader, then I would be lying not only to you but myself.
I doubt myself too much, and quite apparently it shows. It seems as though I am damaged goods to some. So be it. If these words and past words shall incriminate me to the ends of the earth for being a sentimental bloke, then so be it. If these words shall call me a fool, then so be it. I'd rather be a fool for Christ in all of my warts than a person of self-wallowing glory or a liar in denial who is apart from Him. That is how I see these words exposed. For it is a call into the Night.
And so I say to those whom I love: love me with a love that is neither cold nor luke-warm but with one that is hot, as hot as the sun of day. Love me and I will love you in return!
It is my hope and my fullest intention to live this day and every day forward with a continually renewed love, reigned by clarity of heart, of mind, and of soul. For even if affliction shall bear down, the rains of justice shall prevail. The cross shall bear all sorrows. And so I pick up my own cross and carry on.
My heart shall not be silenced nor my willingness to reach out once more to you, whomever you are, in the wide world of ours. Peace be with you.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Living with Love: Love Renewed
When the rains of life come...
Forget not the new life it brings,
For those same sorrows bring joys that linger
And grace that remains forever
In a heart that continues to sing.
When the rains of life come...
Forget not each ripple it makes,
For each drop changes the world
And renews life in ways untold
With new love to stay.
A new day of joy has begun
To live with love renewed,
To praise God for life,
For hearts that have been made new
And for peace coming out of strife.
The path ahead is true,
If we remain true to our call
To love one another through it all
With hearts renewed.
When struggles again appear,
Know this love will not pass,
For life is already too short
To let this happiness built
To ever be taken back.
As this day ends,
Know how my heart has grown,
For often the simplest of hearts
Are often the wisest
In making their love known.
And on this day,
You affirmed in my heart
A truth much greater than my own:
To love and to learn
In newness of heart
So that true love can be shown.
What more can I ask for
In this prayer than this:
To love with this love
And to learn with this love
Every day from this day with bliss.
Forget not the new life it brings,
For those same sorrows bring joys that linger
And grace that remains forever
In a heart that continues to sing.
When the rains of life come...
Forget not each ripple it makes,
For each drop changes the world
And renews life in ways untold
With new love to stay.
A new day of joy has begun
To live with love renewed,
To praise God for life,
For hearts that have been made new
And for peace coming out of strife.
The path ahead is true,
If we remain true to our call
To love one another through it all
With hearts renewed.
When struggles again appear,
Know this love will not pass,
For life is already too short
To let this happiness built
To ever be taken back.
As this day ends,
Know how my heart has grown,
For often the simplest of hearts
Are often the wisest
In making their love known.
And on this day,
You affirmed in my heart
A truth much greater than my own:
To love and to learn
In newness of heart
So that true love can be shown.
What more can I ask for
In this prayer than this:
To love with this love
And to learn with this love
Every day from this day with bliss.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Let God Do the Heavy Lifting
Like a bird being lifted on warm currents of air, I've been lifted up from earlier troubles. It's not that I've made some great change or some magnificent achievement. I have left what I cannot change be as it is and allowed it to change itself in due time. I've let the things that don't matter fade to the background. It's at this time that the important things come to the fore, where the love present comes to shine. It lets those flourishes felt before remain as a repeating comfort, a soothing assurance of peace.
And so today has been a comfort oddly enough. Midterms were today, so I did a great deal of preparation to ready myself, and yet it seems that effort has succeeded. And so a minor victory has been won while the overall victory won't be known until midweek next week but for now I am satisfied with the effort put forth. And even with a month remaining, I can see the possibility for continued success and eventual victory in August.
While I see the future as completely cloudy, I am not afraid. Somehow amid the darkest of outlooks I know not fear. Failure may come, but fear isn't conquered in a corner. It is fought—and won—in the light of the sun, in the brightness of the day. And with the currents of warmth, I am lifted in the brightness of day. I know the darkness of night will come again and that it will turn my gladness to sorrow and pain, but it is a passing thing. Pain passes into obscurity when there is trust in the Unknown.
I must let God do the heavy lifting. Just like when a friend offers to help you move, you don't ignore his offer of help and do all the lifting as he watches on. It's a team effort, and with all things joy enters in when the job is done. But is the job ever truly done? Do we ever finish and rest on our laurels of "success?" We are a people of journeys, of continued exploration and discovery. So there are actually no endings in our journeys, just new beginnings.
However, we are presented at times a vision of what the end is like, where restlessness is banished to oblivion and peace is found. The vision is illusory, of course, but small tastes of this peace are what sustain us for the remainder of the journey. Yet, joy and peace cannot be realized or appreciated without first knowing what the opposite is, the sorrow and discord. It's not that we necessarily are tempted by evil to devolve into fear or doubt all the time, rather it's that we are being strengthened ever more and being shown greater insight to the joys of life until our earthly lives are complete, until we have run our course here. We are being trained to take more of the heavy lifting that God shoulders in many ways in ways seen but often is quite unseen. This is what grace is.
We must never lose sight that all of this at present is passing and how ephemeral things truly are. There might be a travesty or trial in our lives right now that we think that we cannot surpass, that we cannot overtake or that has conquered us. But with grace, how can we be conquered? With grace, how can we be shaken from the vision of journey's end? With all things, even with the darkest of clouds, there is a silver lining that cannot be overcome by the darkness. And so in all things, perseverance is key.
Today comfort has entered in. Today security has been felt. Today the beauty of God quietly has been shown. I hope you have seen this in a way like I have today.
Peace be with you.
And so today has been a comfort oddly enough. Midterms were today, so I did a great deal of preparation to ready myself, and yet it seems that effort has succeeded. And so a minor victory has been won while the overall victory won't be known until midweek next week but for now I am satisfied with the effort put forth. And even with a month remaining, I can see the possibility for continued success and eventual victory in August.
While I see the future as completely cloudy, I am not afraid. Somehow amid the darkest of outlooks I know not fear. Failure may come, but fear isn't conquered in a corner. It is fought—and won—in the light of the sun, in the brightness of the day. And with the currents of warmth, I am lifted in the brightness of day. I know the darkness of night will come again and that it will turn my gladness to sorrow and pain, but it is a passing thing. Pain passes into obscurity when there is trust in the Unknown.
I must let God do the heavy lifting. Just like when a friend offers to help you move, you don't ignore his offer of help and do all the lifting as he watches on. It's a team effort, and with all things joy enters in when the job is done. But is the job ever truly done? Do we ever finish and rest on our laurels of "success?" We are a people of journeys, of continued exploration and discovery. So there are actually no endings in our journeys, just new beginnings.
However, we are presented at times a vision of what the end is like, where restlessness is banished to oblivion and peace is found. The vision is illusory, of course, but small tastes of this peace are what sustain us for the remainder of the journey. Yet, joy and peace cannot be realized or appreciated without first knowing what the opposite is, the sorrow and discord. It's not that we necessarily are tempted by evil to devolve into fear or doubt all the time, rather it's that we are being strengthened ever more and being shown greater insight to the joys of life until our earthly lives are complete, until we have run our course here. We are being trained to take more of the heavy lifting that God shoulders in many ways in ways seen but often is quite unseen. This is what grace is.
We must never lose sight that all of this at present is passing and how ephemeral things truly are. There might be a travesty or trial in our lives right now that we think that we cannot surpass, that we cannot overtake or that has conquered us. But with grace, how can we be conquered? With grace, how can we be shaken from the vision of journey's end? With all things, even with the darkest of clouds, there is a silver lining that cannot be overcome by the darkness. And so in all things, perseverance is key.
Today comfort has entered in. Today security has been felt. Today the beauty of God quietly has been shown. I hope you have seen this in a way like I have today.
Peace be with you.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
You Will Know Them By Their Fruits
May grace and peace be yours in abundanceThe above passage was from a reading at Daily Mass earlier this month. It is a passage that has remained with me throughout the days since. And today, among many others, I have been feeling movements of the heart and the grace that is indistinguishably of the Lord. I haven't remained faithful in my love to Him these days. I have filled my head with doubts, with failures of my heart and failures of my mind. The greatest danger is the lacking of trust in Him and in His plan for each of us.
through knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.
His divine power has bestowed on us
everything that makes for life and devotion,
through the knowledge of him
who called us by his own glory and power.
Through these, he has bestowed on us
the precious and very great promises,
so that through them you may come to share in the divine nature,
after escaping from the corruption that is in the world
because of evil desire. For this very reason,
make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue,
virtue with knowledge, knowledge with self-control,
self-control with endurance, endurance with devotion,
devotion with mutual affection, mutual affection with love.
- 2 Peter 1:2-7
The most debilitating failure of all is that lack of trust. Once the trust is gone in a relationship, how can either of those involved be able to find common ground with the other? The relationship enters the period of a storm, a raging storm. It enters turmoil that cannot be escaped from natural means, from temporal means. For forgiveness is not a temporal way of life. To forgive is to "lose" something that one once possessed, a claim against another. And so line up the claimants, one might say. Yet, in forgiveness there is salvation. In forgiveness there is trust. In trust there is faith. In faith there is hope. In hope there is love. And in love there is God. And with God, nothing is impossible. No power or principality, no height or depth can come between us and God, between us and His love.
So what will come of our actions in this life? What are our fruits, if you will, of what we sow now in our thoughts and in our deeds? How do we treat the others in our lives and think not only of our concerns but the other in our midst? As Jesus had said:
"Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing,
but underneath are ravenous wolves.
By their fruits you will know them.
Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?
Just so, every good tree bears good fruit,
and a rotten tree bears bad fruit.
A good tree cannot bear bad fruit,
nor can a rotten tree bear good fruit.
Every tree that does not bear good fruit will be cut down
and thrown into the fire.
So by their fruits you will know them."
- Matthew 7:15-20
If we are to remain in Him, through the storms and through the troubles, then we must love. If we have not love then we are nothing. We are merely a clashing cymbal or a resounding gong. It means nothing if we gain all the things of the world but do not have love. It is in this love that the good fruits are found. I read recently in a discernment book a particularly charming quote from St. Thomas More, whom I could go on for hours, and it simply states a very succinct axiom which reads: "In the end it is not a matter of reason, it is a matter of love."
In all actions patience and love are required. We cannot fulfill through actions with which we are not first filled with. So love could not—and still cannot—be simply reasoned into existence. It requires faith to come into existence. It must come into existence in the form of Man to redeem what was lost in the actions of our free will, to redeem what Man truly is supposed to be—an image of the Divine.
And so there is but one thing to do then and that is love. May you find trust and peace in what the Lord has given you this day.
Peace be with you.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
A Prayer at Eventide
Lord, I come to You,
My whole self trembling.
Tell me of my wrongs.
Lord, I see You now,
Passing before my broken soul.
Show me Your way of peace.
Lord, I feel Your presence,
Burning into the depths of my soul.
Give me grace through Your counsel.
Lord, I know Your love,
Overflowing in my heart.
Turn my mourning into Your joy.
See my devotion, O Lord,
To the Call You have given me.
Give me peace through Your love.
Feel my yearning, O Lord,
To know You even more.
Show me the paths to Your wisdom.
Come to me, O Lord,
To guide me in my sleeping and my waking.
Tell me of Your will.
Give me peace in tonight's tranquil rest
And resolve each day to love all of You
With a heart so greatly blessed.
My whole self trembling.
Tell me of my wrongs.
Lord, I see You now,
Passing before my broken soul.
Show me Your way of peace.
Lord, I feel Your presence,
Burning into the depths of my soul.
Give me grace through Your counsel.
Lord, I know Your love,
Overflowing in my heart.
Turn my mourning into Your joy.
See my devotion, O Lord,
To the Call You have given me.
Give me peace through Your love.
Feel my yearning, O Lord,
To know You even more.
Show me the paths to Your wisdom.
Come to me, O Lord,
To guide me in my sleeping and my waking.
Tell me of Your will.
Give me peace in tonight's tranquil rest
And resolve each day to love all of You
With a heart so greatly blessed.
Monday, June 02, 2008
Love Made Renewed
Going and going...
What's going on?
What's new?
Falling and falling...
Where are we going to land?
Why are we so few?
Thinking and thinking...
What's going to come next?
How are we to get through?
It's through faith, hope, and love...
And through His Son, the Christ—love made renewed.
What's going on?
What's new?
Falling and falling...
Where are we going to land?
Why are we so few?
Thinking and thinking...
What's going to come next?
How are we to get through?
It's through faith, hope, and love...
And through His Son, the Christ—love made renewed.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Eyes for Tomorrow
Summer days drive on
Day by day passes
How so are you missed...
The words of a poet
Scribbled down
Have no resting place...
They float from pen
Up currents away
Drifting with the clouds...
Beauty seen
Is now gone
Love given
Is now missing...
Eloquence is hollow
When words of joy
Turn to sorrow
And eyes of sadness
Turn to a brighter tomorrow.
Day by day passes
How so are you missed...
The words of a poet
Scribbled down
Have no resting place...
They float from pen
Up currents away
Drifting with the clouds...
Beauty seen
Is now gone
Love given
Is now missing...
Eloquence is hollow
When words of joy
Turn to sorrow
And eyes of sadness
Turn to a brighter tomorrow.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
A Millennial's Take: Old Media vs. New Media
Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
And don't criticize
What you can't understand
Your sons and your daughters
Are beyond your command
Your old road is
Rapidly agin'.
Please get out of the new one
If you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin'.
Bob Dylan's The Times They Are A-Changin'
In a world where the old dinosaurs of media are trying to put a cap on new creation of new ways to distribute to the masses, we have a new group of us out there not accepting the status quo of the world.
We cross ideological divides. We ignore our differences of thought, accept our differences of background, and celebrate our common similarities as they exist.
We do not take "no" for an answer. We take it as a challenge to do better, to strive to improve not only our place but also the world around us. We don't accept the answers of the old vanguard at face value. We question thoughtfully and fully what is presented to us with an eye of discretion. We do not want to be lectured to on what direction to take. We want to be talk to—like human beings.
We are disappointed in the old way of doing things but don't think they should be completely ignored like was done by other recent generations that came before us whose complete rebellion was the answer but was hardly the solution to the generational problem.
We are constantly yearning to find the answer to the Human Condition. We are striving to bring peace to a world torn by strife that is consumed in "us-against-them" rhetoric. We are constantly dreaming not of impossible dreams but of ones grounded in reality and bits of fantasy all the same.
We are the 9-11 Generation. We are the Columbine Generation. We are the Internet Generation. We are the generation of the Virginia Tech tragedy. We are the Echo Boom Generation. We are the Millennial Generation. We are a generation that defies labels and wishes to transform what might be a tragedy or loss and turn it into something greater.
We are a generation born into a world where terrorism and our fight against it is all we have ever known our adult lives. The Cold War is but a distant dream and a harder one to juxtapose against the present day's wars. We are the generation of disappearing borders.
And yet the Old Way wishes to continue putting up the borders against creative change and against innovation in media, in technology, and even in the way we think and live. The Old Way wishes to hold back the winds of change, the winds of new creativity never before seen on such a scale. Why? Why must they try to stop the inevitable? The eventual?
Because they are dinosaurs of understanding in a new world of connectivity, of continuous mixing and mashing. They cannot see beyond the old paradigm of locked creativity where things were static and not dynamic. They have limited their reach of understanding like every aging generation before and like every generation in the ages to come.
What we all must realize as Americans and as free people of the world is that we must find new ways, inventive ways to bridge the new with the old, to bridge the traditional with the cutting edge, or we as a civilization as a whole will cease to exist.
We are the Millennials, and we are ready for change.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
This Gift
This gift is one I wish to give back every chance I can...
One I wish to be in every breath I take...
In every step I take...
In every ounce of my soul...
In every instance I take a stand.
Giving back what was not mine to begin with...
Giving back what is only a fleeting moment...
A moment of inspiration, of drive, of love.
If only every moment were like that moment of creation...
If only every moment were as luminous as the time of creation...
Then the world would truly be on fire...
Then the world would be afire in love.
One I wish to be in every breath I take...
In every step I take...
In every ounce of my soul...
In every instance I take a stand.
Giving back what was not mine to begin with...
Giving back what is only a fleeting moment...
A moment of inspiration, of drive, of love.
If only every moment were like that moment of creation...
If only every moment were as luminous as the time of creation...
Then the world would truly be on fire...
Then the world would be afire in love.
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Terra Firma
I shall have to categorize this posting as one of the more negative ones lately. I am deep into the end of a semester, and I am craving to get away. Away from the pressures I have put on myself, the failures I have set up for myself, and for the sadness I've caused.
There is a great deal assumed in how I approach life. It's not that I must have the answers. I feel like I must always be making progress towards whatever the goal may be. If I am distracted whether it is boredom or exhaustion or a mix of both, it presents a particularly difficult problem. I must have some solid ground to work off of to make my way down the road. I have a need for some terra firma.
General satisfaction, or what some might call happiness, is not so much about the amount but the quality of life. I'm not entirely dissatisfied but I feel like I am accomplishing less with more time. I see my failures and I cringe. I continue to get the same hands. I'm treading water.
What do you do when you start treading water? Do you stop? Or do you change your approach? Of course you don't stop. You can't stop...else you'll sink to the bottom of the lake. You've got to adjust and make changes.
As a kid, we'd have at home what was generally called a "junk drawer." Everything that either didn't have a place or was frequently used went into that drawer. Eventually that drawer would be too full of literal junk and it would need to be reorganized until it could be remotely functional. It seemed like everything this semester went into that junk drawer for me. Relationships. Classes. Projects. Work Plans. Future plans. Current plans. Yesterday's lunch. Tomorrow's future.
Why can't I shake this funk? Why do I feel so ineffective? So useless? Yes, a flattering self-portrait, one to garner many admirers... No. I can't shake this funk because I have put everything into that single drawer. There's no organization—at best it's cluttered organization.
Why is it so cluttered? Old baggage. Old expectations. Debts, dreams, and distractions. Why? That's what I am asking myself now. Why? Why isn't the future clear?
Well, the future is no murkier than the past. The past has the tendency to crystallize the best... Ever heard of The Judd's country song Grandpa, Tell Me 'Bout the Good Old Days?
I have a tendency to not allow for the positive outlook for the future. It ends up being that I look to the past either as better or that the future isn't good enough or that I haven't done enough to justify the past or warrant my future. Odd, I suppose, but it's me. Like I said before, I need to feel like I've made progress. Or else, this might show that I have a great lack of patience with myself, if only at times.
And sad to say, after five years, I feel as though little if any progress has been made on my behalf. I just see a larger stack of papers in a never-ending game of shifting bureaucracy that's my life at present.
I am surrounded by friends. But I don't feel their touch as much any more. Any progress made in this area is lost to the feeling of being alone to myself in a crowded room. This is not because I don't have a lack of important things to discuss or a fervent desire to care for the other in my midst, rather it is because I am completely incompetent to order this task promptly and thus proceed with patience. I push myself back in circles. I am now back to where I started five years ago, no more and no less.
And what do I have to show for it as of late? An Aggie Ring, yes. But not the satisfaction that I am going into a future I am pleased with. How could something so good go so horribly wrong? Poor management? Poor willpower? Poor desire? I don't think it's any of these three. Maybe it's a combination but not just any one of these three.
How can I focus on my personal matters if I can't first solve my academic/financial ones? It's the basic order of needs that comes to rear its ugly head. Shelter and food are first, all other needs follow behind.
I think the "easiest" decision **on paper** for me right now would be to get my degree and go to the seminary. Financially this makes sense for what I'm looking at. Spiritually it is okay. Academically it would be fine...I love to learn things I am actually interested in... But there is a chink in my armor of surety here, too. It's almost as if God has decided to put an anti-hubris device in the models coming off the assembly line when I was born. There's always another fault that comes forth to break the assuredness of any situation.
However, that is not what I want. I will not be a priest. There, I've said it. I won't go as far as cannot, just as Thomas (of Doubting Thomas fame) could not himself say, "Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands and put my finger into the nailmarks and put my hand into his side, I will not believe." I just as well might make the same demand now for my own personal belief in His plans in my case.
I am not emotionally fit to be a priest. I know there is something deep within me, that's been there for the longest of times, where I feel the underlying need—no, compulsion—to give my all to another—my attention, my wealth, my understanding, my compassion, my love. You probably don't know what it is like to have this well inside only to be made, in essence, to learn in exercises of patience that God—and therefore love—requires it.
Yes, both priest and husband require such a self-giving sacrifice, but it is in the latter that I see myself most clearly, even if I don't see my future as clearly as I once did. It is in the latter I see requiring the greatest patience and, for me, the greatest love. For if one freely chooses God who has loved him since the beginning, is it not merely a return of the favor? However, is it not greater that one chooses to love someone who has not loved him first? Is this not a mirror image of God's love of each of His creation? And so I must emulate the One who has loved me first, bringing what love I have been given to another. For we do not know love until we are first loved. And it is in knowing His love for me that I shall have to not only return the favor but bring that love to others as well.
And so this compulsion requires that what wells inside of me be nurtured and tended to even though the garden remains fallow and untouched. That the brambles be trimmed back, even if the guest does not arrive as planned or even if she makes plans and then promptly runs away never to return again, for a garden elsewhere, one more distant and greener than can possibly be cultivated in the taxed soil of the garden's surroundings.
Why should you care about all of this of all of this timid psychobabble? I don't have an answer for that. But what was once private now is public, and even so, I am beginning to feel some peace and satisfaction on this stasis I am experiencing right now. I am simply saddened I have gotten myself into a cynical wheel of sorrow.
Dreams rarely come true, especially when one cannot keep those dreams—and wishes of happiness—straightened out for longer than five minutes. After those five minutes the world comes crashing back down, saying to me: "you stupid boy." If only I would learn and be at peace more often. If only, but there is still hope ahead. If there is anything at all, there is still hope, hope for solid ground.
There is a great deal assumed in how I approach life. It's not that I must have the answers. I feel like I must always be making progress towards whatever the goal may be. If I am distracted whether it is boredom or exhaustion or a mix of both, it presents a particularly difficult problem. I must have some solid ground to work off of to make my way down the road. I have a need for some terra firma.
General satisfaction, or what some might call happiness, is not so much about the amount but the quality of life. I'm not entirely dissatisfied but I feel like I am accomplishing less with more time. I see my failures and I cringe. I continue to get the same hands. I'm treading water.
What do you do when you start treading water? Do you stop? Or do you change your approach? Of course you don't stop. You can't stop...else you'll sink to the bottom of the lake. You've got to adjust and make changes.
As a kid, we'd have at home what was generally called a "junk drawer." Everything that either didn't have a place or was frequently used went into that drawer. Eventually that drawer would be too full of literal junk and it would need to be reorganized until it could be remotely functional. It seemed like everything this semester went into that junk drawer for me. Relationships. Classes. Projects. Work Plans. Future plans. Current plans. Yesterday's lunch. Tomorrow's future.
Why can't I shake this funk? Why do I feel so ineffective? So useless? Yes, a flattering self-portrait, one to garner many admirers... No. I can't shake this funk because I have put everything into that single drawer. There's no organization—at best it's cluttered organization.
Why is it so cluttered? Old baggage. Old expectations. Debts, dreams, and distractions. Why? That's what I am asking myself now. Why? Why isn't the future clear?
Well, the future is no murkier than the past. The past has the tendency to crystallize the best... Ever heard of The Judd's country song Grandpa, Tell Me 'Bout the Good Old Days?
Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days
Sometimes it feels like this world's gone crazy
And Grandpa, take me back to yesterday
When the line between right and wrong
Didn't seem so hazy
Did lovers really fall in love to stay
And stand beside each other, come what may?
Was a promise really something people kept
Not just something they would say?
Did families really bow their heads to pray
Did daddies really never go away?
Oh, Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days
Grandpa, everything is changing fast
We call it progress, but I just don't know
And Grandpa, let's wander back into the past
And paint me the picture of long ago
Did lovers really fall in love to stay
And stand beside each other, come what may?
Was a promise really something people kept
Not just something they would say?
Did families really bow their heads to pray
Did daddies really never go away?
Oh, Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days
Oh, Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days
I have a tendency to not allow for the positive outlook for the future. It ends up being that I look to the past either as better or that the future isn't good enough or that I haven't done enough to justify the past or warrant my future. Odd, I suppose, but it's me. Like I said before, I need to feel like I've made progress. Or else, this might show that I have a great lack of patience with myself, if only at times.
And sad to say, after five years, I feel as though little if any progress has been made on my behalf. I just see a larger stack of papers in a never-ending game of shifting bureaucracy that's my life at present.
I am surrounded by friends. But I don't feel their touch as much any more. Any progress made in this area is lost to the feeling of being alone to myself in a crowded room. This is not because I don't have a lack of important things to discuss or a fervent desire to care for the other in my midst, rather it is because I am completely incompetent to order this task promptly and thus proceed with patience. I push myself back in circles. I am now back to where I started five years ago, no more and no less.
And what do I have to show for it as of late? An Aggie Ring, yes. But not the satisfaction that I am going into a future I am pleased with. How could something so good go so horribly wrong? Poor management? Poor willpower? Poor desire? I don't think it's any of these three. Maybe it's a combination but not just any one of these three.
How can I focus on my personal matters if I can't first solve my academic/financial ones? It's the basic order of needs that comes to rear its ugly head. Shelter and food are first, all other needs follow behind.
I think the "easiest" decision **on paper** for me right now would be to get my degree and go to the seminary. Financially this makes sense for what I'm looking at. Spiritually it is okay. Academically it would be fine...I love to learn things I am actually interested in... But there is a chink in my armor of surety here, too. It's almost as if God has decided to put an anti-hubris device in the models coming off the assembly line when I was born. There's always another fault that comes forth to break the assuredness of any situation.
However, that is not what I want. I will not be a priest. There, I've said it. I won't go as far as cannot, just as Thomas (of Doubting Thomas fame) could not himself say, "Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands and put my finger into the nailmarks and put my hand into his side, I will not believe." I just as well might make the same demand now for my own personal belief in His plans in my case.
I am not emotionally fit to be a priest. I know there is something deep within me, that's been there for the longest of times, where I feel the underlying need—no, compulsion—to give my all to another—my attention, my wealth, my understanding, my compassion, my love. You probably don't know what it is like to have this well inside only to be made, in essence, to learn in exercises of patience that God—and therefore love—requires it.
Yes, both priest and husband require such a self-giving sacrifice, but it is in the latter that I see myself most clearly, even if I don't see my future as clearly as I once did. It is in the latter I see requiring the greatest patience and, for me, the greatest love. For if one freely chooses God who has loved him since the beginning, is it not merely a return of the favor? However, is it not greater that one chooses to love someone who has not loved him first? Is this not a mirror image of God's love of each of His creation? And so I must emulate the One who has loved me first, bringing what love I have been given to another. For we do not know love until we are first loved. And it is in knowing His love for me that I shall have to not only return the favor but bring that love to others as well.
And so this compulsion requires that what wells inside of me be nurtured and tended to even though the garden remains fallow and untouched. That the brambles be trimmed back, even if the guest does not arrive as planned or even if she makes plans and then promptly runs away never to return again, for a garden elsewhere, one more distant and greener than can possibly be cultivated in the taxed soil of the garden's surroundings.
Why should you care about all of this of all of this timid psychobabble? I don't have an answer for that. But what was once private now is public, and even so, I am beginning to feel some peace and satisfaction on this stasis I am experiencing right now. I am simply saddened I have gotten myself into a cynical wheel of sorrow.
Dreams rarely come true, especially when one cannot keep those dreams—and wishes of happiness—straightened out for longer than five minutes. After those five minutes the world comes crashing back down, saying to me: "you stupid boy." If only I would learn and be at peace more often. If only, but there is still hope ahead. If there is anything at all, there is still hope, hope for solid ground.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
I Must Do...
It is in a moving peace and a moving joy that I am called to action this day. I am a man who is not happy to leave good enough alone. I am at heart a doer. I don't necessarily want the answer I have to be the right one, but every day I feel I must move closer to that understanding.
I must accomplish progress in the plans set before me so that I might not become discouraged. In short, I must have hope.
But if I have not the faith in my heart that the hope of a new day is to come, then how am I to live? I must live with love. I must show, as Pope Benedict said in conference with U.S. Catholic educators Thursday in Washington, D.C., "intellectual charity" not only to my own work but that of my peers and my professors. It is needed in everything I do to make it an act of charity, an act of love. In all things love and prayer must pervade. That is the mark of a holy life.
Let us be moved each day to find peace and joy in pursuing intellectual charity in all its glorious forms.
I must accomplish progress in the plans set before me so that I might not become discouraged. In short, I must have hope.
But if I have not the faith in my heart that the hope of a new day is to come, then how am I to live? I must live with love. I must show, as Pope Benedict said in conference with U.S. Catholic educators Thursday in Washington, D.C., "intellectual charity" not only to my own work but that of my peers and my professors. It is needed in everything I do to make it an act of charity, an act of love. In all things love and prayer must pervade. That is the mark of a holy life.
Let us be moved each day to find peace and joy in pursuing intellectual charity in all its glorious forms.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Out of Chaos Comes Order
Some fellow peers and I had a discussion on whether there was such a thing as ordered chaos. I was firmly against such a notion simply because all I could see before me was chaos and no order to things lately. Slowly in the week since the discussion, I am finding the opposite to be true both in the physical and in the spiritual sense. Even though all has come from a chaos, it has been ordered in such a way even from the start by a hand so slight, a hand so delicate that the intricacies of what might look to be chaos but is truly order beneath it all.
I don't have another moral essay today as was the case this past weekend, but I am starting to notice that even in the most chaotic of times order—and therefore peace—can be found if only we rest our restless hearts and listen to the Word of God in the midst of our lives.
I don't have another moral essay today as was the case this past weekend, but I am starting to notice that even in the most chaotic of times order—and therefore peace—can be found if only we rest our restless hearts and listen to the Word of God in the midst of our lives.
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