"Ite Missa Est"

I haven't been able to make it daily Mass much these past two whirlwind weeks, but it is moments like these... these successive moments since... that have pressed me forward, have stretched me, have made me grow in ways not expressible. As I am wont to do, I analyze and theorize the eventual, the plausible, and the possible of the future. I see this as, in part, a dry run not only of future ails but also of future joys.

This is the "ite missa est" of the Mass. It is the going forth that cannot be ignored or encased in a shiny box and disregarded. It is integral to the Christian life.

I still cannot get over the spiritual and mental mementos given to me walking the halls and the streets since, especially on the long walks of the first visitation. It is a surreal state of things that makes me pause and wonder. It also brings me to the chapel and church (if it isn't locked). It makes me wonder and pause as I see the sight out of the window a stone's throw away—the iconic as well as the destitute, the chill of the morning, the dreariness of the fog or rain, the beauty of a bright, sunny day. All of it makes me pause, as though it is pregnant with possibility but also pain.

I suppose it is these moments, these lucid thoughts that are pondered, which in some small way reflect all the things Mary did as it was written that she "kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart" (cf. Luke 2:19). So it is, as with bated expectation, I must do. I must merely reflect His light, as though a lantern on a cold, dark night, and "with dawn there is rejoicing" (cf. Psalm 30:6).

“Frost and chill, bless the Lord;
praise and exalt him above all forever.

Nights and days, bless the Lord;
praise and exalt him above all forever.” - Daniel 3:69, 71

The Better Half

There is a danger to being enlightened, that is, to seeing clearer the strengths and flaws of oneself and others. Both involve a spiritual blindness. The first risk is having greater light to see only the neighbor's imperfections all the clearer and assume one's are fewer and one's own strengths an all encompassing coup de grace for oneself mistakenly. The second is to see one's own faults as so numerous and pernicious and insurmountable to any growth or change that one gives up out of hopelessness, causing one not to help the other improve upon their imperfections for fear of one's own imperfections despite being called to do so out of sweet charity.

Both of them cause a seizing up, a squelching of spirit and, therefore, quenching of light. The first clenches the heart to compassion given, and the second clenches the hand to mercy bestowed. Both must be avoided in the pursuit of one's high calling to holiness and any dispatch away from Love's sweet gifts ignored, for one, like Mary at the feet of of Jesus, "has chosen the better part, and it will not be taken away..." (cf. Luke 10:42).

The Married Philosopher

A good friend of mine has stated: "Men are either married or philosophers!"

What he fails to remember is that I know one married philosopher, and I very much think that both he and his wife will become saints because of it! 

But seriously... perhaps we ought to pray that they, like all married couples, will both understand better the philosophical beauty of Heaven as marriage consummated with God!

Ah! The objection of being only in the first stage! I am in the first stage still yet, trying to harmonize this philosophy to its proper pitch and timbre, too! But as the great composers know the notes before they are played or put to page, so too do we as lovers of an infinite God know that love must be harmonized both above and below for beauty to exist. And we do know that beauty exists because God exists and has so loved us (cf. 1 John 4:18-19)... So we love and must, therefore, strive to be perfect, "as [our] Heavenly Father is perfect!" (cf. Matthew 5:48)

Strike up the orchestra... Allow Him to show you the composition He has for you so beautiful that it quite literally is something you are willing to die for and offer your life for on behalf of your friends, of which there is no greater love (cf. John 15:13).

We must fight the good fight towards this perfection by God's grace in our lives through this high calling of life towards greater holiness in Him!

It is through all vocations that we are called to love both God and neighbor... selflessly. Marriage is but a focused magnifying glass that beams the light of Christ to another, so also is that vocation directed to compassionate procreation of a Domestic Church with Christ as her Head. It must be both above and below, for the sake of the children born below for Heaven above!

To Him be all honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.

In Praise of Grace

Another day done and the rains have begun again...

The flowing waters of new birth, waters upon a thirsty earth.

Thunder rolls in the distance, but Faith below does not recoil...

Facet and fixture, noble and blistered... Your mark is made upon us!

Water from the Side, fill us...

Blood of the Heart of Him Who Is... Save us!

Love has come to rule both the night and the day...

Love has come to rule the day!

Alleluia!

"O Lord, you are good and forgiving,

full of love to all who call.

Give heed, O Lord, to my prayer

and attend to the sound of my voice." ~ Psalm 86

Through the Shadowlands

My Beloved can do no wrong.
He brings forth every good thing,
Every blessing of person or place.
His Promise is secure.
His Providence is assured.

What can I ask of my Beloved
That He hasn't already provided?
What love has He given!

Oh, the charity that covers a multitude of sins,
Of the many cuts and little lacerations!
He outpours every good gift,
The choicest gifts for an unworthy servant,
A servant with a past.
But what of the future bright and bountiful?
Where is is this land He has promised as an inheritance?

We are sojourners to be sure
But not to a land in our midst of these Shadowlands—
As we see imperfectly. No!
We are destined for a brighter land,
A Land of Light Himself.

The course is set,
Through the strong gales,
Through the stormy seas.
Our compass set, we traverse and travail In the tempest great.

Love, our compass, directs us onward,
Even when the Fog is great and our way seemingly lost.
Lost are not we!

With thick clouds we still know within our deepest
For what perfection and glory we are made.
We are made for Love!

Lead Kindly Light toward our Home
Through these Shadowlands, these lands not our own.
Lead our compass true toward our home
Not yet seen in this dense cover.

Let our hearts not dismay when blindness overcomes our sight
Or when we fall however briefly;
Remain with us when we lose our sight
Through our self-blinding acts and our closed-shut eyes.

Remain our compass true,
Guiding our hearts to You.
Love has revealed its Beauty.
Let us not close our eyes, our hearts to this.

Let us remain, compass fixed,
Moving toward the place where only Light exists,
Where Light does not cease and Love persists.
Let us follow Him.

Let us follow Him through these Shadowlands.
Let us follow His lead.
Lead on Love, Kindly Light.
Lead on.

Come, Beloved, let us be on our way.
Come, let us travel the Way...
Travel our Way to Him.
Let us be on our way!

The Little Way: Joy as a State of Mind

Joy is most certainly a state of mind... It is not a feeling of happiness. If everything is gift and one is not happy because some pleasure or other gift is taken away for whatever reason, how are we to respond but to look to the Giver Himself? If we get locked in on His gifts and not Him, how would you respond if you gave and gave and gave without even the slightest response let alone sight of gratitude? It rains on both the good and the bad, and He gives to both. We should too, not simply the looks of frustration we are oft to give when "enduring" a taxing moment on our senses, but we should also give like the Father gives, sacrifice like the Son has shown us, and be present like the Holy Spirit is in our lives always.

Everything we have is pure gift; our free will is the exercise of that profound gift. We shouldn't feel surprised or discouraged when the Lord trusts us enough to ask for some of those gifts in a specific way that prompts us to say "yes" to Him and not simply His gifts. We shouldn't fear what we cannot change or those things great and small He calls us to be present to throughout our day, whether monumental or minor, because all of it matters. We get the blessed choice to live in the moment spent doing good and forgiving not only one another but ourselves in the little accidents of life that turn into labors of love for the Lord. Choose the joy He wants to give and ignore every temptation to despair that love He gives so freely. Life isn't perfect until we rest in Him.

Lord, forgive our unbelief!

"Do Not Curse the Darkness – Light the Light of Faith"

Encamped in the world surrounding
Is the Darkness found, Darkness engulfing...
What can we do with the blazing fires,
Fires made for blazing pillars, blazing spires?

The Darkness surrounds but cannot overcome,
Cannot overcome the grace given, the grace now begun!
Enkindle in your hearts the fire He wishes to blaze,
Do not run from the Darkness—Engage!

Spirit of Love, light on fire the World,
Light on fire the World to save!
Light the Light of Faith!
Engage!

O Division...

O division, why your sting?
Why the separation, the strife, the desolation?
Where is your end, O division of hearts?

Lead us, Lord, to sing with one voice
Where there were once many...
Where as one family we can sing
Of Your peace, of Your Love,
As part of Your Holy Family!
Lead us, O Lord, to sing!

Abba! Father!

Fatherhood: Learning to Be a Good Son

Being a good father requires first learning to be a good son. One learns to be a good son through the primary means of learning: discipline. Before trying to discipline, either great or small, one must have the integrity needed to endure discipline: to admit when one is wrong and make amends and to, when one's convictions are solid and true, never waiver from them. Deviation from the principles so clearly and deeply held turns what was once a monument to discipline and healthy relation into a mausoleum of the dead, dry bones of a righteous man turned hypocrite. The principles held so closely then become an alabaster box that no one dares to open, lest the skeleton comes tumbling out in macabre fashion.

It is never too late, if one still has breath to speak, to turn back and ask for forgiveness. Likewise, it is never too late to forgive for past injustices. Our hearts are restless until, in Him, we see both so very clearly and experience both concurrently.

The Luminosity of the Higher Things

When one orders one's life in the brilliancy of the higher things, the more luminous things, an interesting thing occurs. Things that once happened in retrograde become ones that move in a more natural course, in a way that gives meaning and governs the movements of everything else in such a profound, moving way.

If one begins the day with such an ordering with our humanity keyed to this central need for belief and to place it upon the bedrock of a Faith not untested but one put through fire and tested, not of clever myths or elaborate ruses, then we see open wide the vistas the same Faith provides: the quiet assurances when even the darkness returns or the bright lights become but a twinkle of the Promise to come. If we but remember it doesn't revolve around us but we to Him, then we are able to see how even the smallest occurrence in the Cosmos has meaning, value, and deep need for redemption in every sense. We cannot do it ourselves, as though we as mere planetary bodies could move the dangers of comets or asteroids in the path of another or fully change the irregular orbits of others not fully seeing His love. However, we must trust from that initial explosion of matter from nothing until we have our time end here and do our part in the order He has given to make the changes in the time He gives us.

If we like planetary bodies realize that the Sun does not revolve around us but us to it, so must we in everything we do. There is Someone always greater than I. Or even to our secondary loves, to our moons in orbit 'round us who also move in concert with us and often born of collisions, if we but recall that they but reflect the light of Him Who Is, who came before us... Even this will give the one who has this beautiful truth greater understanding to work towards the order He has given before our time began.

We are so lost often times in the Secondary Loves... that not until they eclipse with the One True Love do we realize our error. Not until even the Secondary Loves be understood and placed in their proper order and timing does the love of Him begin to make sense to our often aimless understanding.

Yet, with the beauty of all of this, those who put forth this valid and true notion, who give their lives in service to it, can and should be heard. "If we have ears, we ought to hear..."

I am in still in wonder, because of this understanding, why those who see this all but still see Shadows everywhere when it is nothing but the dawn of a New Day where the Sun scatters its dazzling light wherever He wills. I still wonder even more with those in the Church who do not understand Her teachings in a similar way or rejected the ability of the Church to speak of Marriage (its structure, content, or telos—aim)... Have we not been down this path before? ...Or those who have left over some reason or another, whether by birth or choice away from the unitive Banner of Christ. I do not understand it like I would if someone doubted the Sun rising again tomorrow.

Let us believe these things, out of love for Him and for one another. Lead, O Kindly Light...

"Your friends make known, O Lord,
the glorious splendor of your Kingdom.

Let all your works give you thanks, O Lord,
and let your faithful ones bless you.
Let them discourse of the glory of your Kingdom
and speak of your might.

Making known to men your might
and the glorious splendor of your Kingdom.
Your Kingdom is a Kingdom for all ages,
and your dominion endures through all generations." - Psalm 145

Fullfillment in God's Love

The one thing I have found in spite of all the personal misgivings I may have at any particular lucid moment (those nagging moments of irrational or seemingly insurmountable worry) or the detractions of others against their better selves whether due to their own outlook or loss from another, in spite of all of this, it is so easy to fall into love.

...Fall... in a sense, from the seized moments of clenched hearts and clenched fists. The encompassing willpower to do then what is right and just and necessary. That is often what we have lost, even those familiar with faith and trust.

...in love... because love isn't an absence of reality but the fulfillment of it. "Fulfillment" because "God is love" (cf. 1 John 4:8) and we are not there yet; our hunger remains...

Yet, our hunger does not exist in a vacuum or in a myth. Neither does our faith or our hope... It is and it should always be rightly directed, honed, and poured into the chief telos of our hearts: Communion.

Communion in and with what... or, rather, whom? Communion with Him. However, Communion with Him does not limit communion with others; rather, it extends and exalts it. It purifies every other love one has and transfigures it to the reality of it outside of time and space. He does all of this out of His very own love for us.

We are to love "because He first loved us" (cf. 1 John 4:19). To do so is to love Him with everything we have and love each other as our very selves.

So, although it is "very good that we are here," (cf. Luke 9:33) this mountaintop is not a place we can stop. It is a momentary stop on the journey we each take and we must each choose, as we are called to love and to be love for one another.

Let us not be dissuaded from the truth of love.

"We did not follow cleverly devised myths
when we made known to you
the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ,
but we had been eyewitnesses of his majesty.
For he received honor and glory from God the Father
when that unique declaration came to him from the majestic glory,
“This is my Son, my beloved, with whom I am well pleased.”
We ourselves heard this voice come from heaven
while we were with him on the holy mountain.
Moreover, we possess the prophetic message that is altogether reliable.
You will do well to be attentive to it,
as to a lamp shining in a dark place,
until day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts." - 2 Peter 1:16-19

Speak, O Lord, Your Servant Listens...

"Speak, O Lord, your servant listens..."

May every consolation remind me of the desolation needed to be endured so that I may share in the everlasting crown of all true consolations and rest securely in Him.

When we fail and falter in our good works through Him, again these words are to come: "Jesus, repair what I have done badly; supply for what I have left undone."

May we never depart from Him all the while going out to the Other in need and to those whom we are called to love more deeply. We are called out to the world, not because we are better but because He is greater than us. Love demands nothing short of everything.

Let love be not confined to the churches or the home but sent to every place in between. Let love be not hidden in veiled words or complex settings but found in the direct and the straightforward and simple. Let love be not esoteric but the answer to everything. Let love be the answer to every question and every quest. Let Love be the One to rule day. Let Love be. Oh, let Love be.

Catholic Beauty: Living as the Mystical Body of Christ

I recently had a family friend ask me why I was so drawn to the parish of Our Lady of Walsingham in Houston and the Ordinariate's Anglican Use Mass of the Latin Rite. I have no specific ties to Anglicanism and am cradle Catholic. However, it is precisely because I am Catholic that I am drawn to all of it, most especially the families wrapped in Our Lady's mantle for it. It is said from medieval times that England was—and still is—Mary's Dowry. To be Catholic is to be drawn in with anything that has that authentic beauty. It is imperative that we seek out authentic beauty and nurture it. Beauty is a compelling thing, but beauty also is most especially a person: Christ with His Mass through the Eucharist, in its varied reverent forms, are a reflection of Him, as His angels and saints are, as are those who show virtue in this life and extol the same.

The beauty of the holy ones and the holy places make all of the counterfeit examples dross in the same brilliant dazzling light. It makes the Mass, the prayers, and the devotionals all the more attractive. It furthers the desire to emulate and be near those who are "very members incorporate" of His Mystical Body, the Church.

Certainly, if I do all the good works He has prepared for me to enter into and avoid those near occasions of sin for the even nearer occasions of grace and endless beauty, I will not prosper for my own glory but His. It is all His after all, even if I am given the smallest amount for my use.

How can I be burdened with worry about what others have then? I speak of this as a projection; I am not even near this slightest perfection. How can I be even worried in the slightest when another is entrusted with something of great beauty or is entrusted with a beautiful love of another? I cannot question the heart of a cheerful giver, most especially the most cheerful of all givers and Father of all givers, the Almighty Himself.

So I cannot question, but I can still behold the beauty. Is this not the definition of a Christian? To behold the Beauty of Christ in all His forms? Love demands to be given, and we must give even when we are weary. The Beloved needs it, and He does not delay in giving us the love we need as our daily bread.

May we see this beauty as the Beloved and seek out to be Lovers in the ways God is generously calling us to be in our day to day movements of grace to one another. Let us not shy away from this Cross we are to bear with Him. Amen.

O the depths of His Presence... and the distance.

"Almighty and everliving God, we most heartily thank thee for that thou dost feed us, in these holy mysteries, with the spiritual food of the most precious Body and Blood of thy Son our Savior Jesus Christ: and dost assure us thereby of thy favor and goodness towards us; and that we are very members incorporate in the mystical body of thy Son, the blessed company of all faithful people; and are also heirs, through hope, of thy everlasting kingdom. And we humbly beseech thee, O heavenly Father, so to assist us with thy grace, that we may continue in that holy fellowship, and do all such good works as thou hast prepared for us to walk in; through Jesus Christ our Lord, to whom, with thee and the Holy Ghost, be all honor and glory, world without end. Amen." - The Post-Communion Prayer in the Anglican Use Liturgy of the Latin Rite

The Presence of the Lord: "Ite Missa Est"

Oh, this Presence! What shall I say of this? This is more than a binding of flesh and blood. It is submission to the greater Mission. It is an outward sign of an inward reality of Love. There is more to this than can be seen by our own eyes.

To be privileged to be given the opportunity to bring the Presence and to not betray Him or His love... It truly is the better portion and is given as a undeserved gift without any reward but His glory. This is Love.

This Presence remains with us even after we leave the Mass. We are "sent forth" ("ite missa est") to bring such a gift, such a pure gift. We become the outward sign of the inward reality. But why? Why do we leave this behind so easily? Why do we forget to love more purely? If we truly loved the Other more than words can describe and want what is ultimately the best for them, why do we hide such a profound gift as though it is a blemish instead of a blush? Is it because we are afraid of that Love's power? It is not without trial and rejection. No, His very love was rejected far worse! Is it that you do not believe because of others' human failures? Do not do this! For have you not seen with your own eyes His divine success?

To love is to be vulnerable, as C.S. Lewis once said, and that love is without question a test in trust. What if the beloved does not love? Love anyways. Love anyways but love in far more inventive ways. If by their rejection out of foolishness it becomes a game of responses out of shrewdness in love, do not be unlike the old widow before the judge and persist in seeking a just judgement. If such an incompetent judge can, out of sheer personal relief, issue a just judgement, how greater is the One who judges justly in Heaven? Love anyways! There are so many little rejections that must take place to say YES to HIM.

Do not grow weary of the endurance required for this Love if it is to be a seal set upon your heart (cf. Song of Songs 8:6). Do not betray the deep consolations He has given you in times of peace during those storms of desolation and half truths. They are greater than the storms we must traverse.

Let us not be like the foolish virgin who on the way ran dry of her oil and snuffed out her lamp waiting on the Bridegroom to pass by. We have all that we need for the way. Remain in Him.

If one loves another deeply with the depths the Lord has uniquely provided each to persist against all sorts of trials that image His trials born because of His love for us (cf. 1 John 4:18-19), then let us as that one do all the good works that He has prepared for us to enter into (cf. Ephesians 2:10) and do so without mental reservation. His sacrifice lacks nothing but our very own participation in it. Let us not stray from our cross but daily carry it after Him.

May He be present to each us and thus through the Church He established for Himself and washed in the water of His word "to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless" (cf. Ephesians 5:27).

May His love reign supreme.

"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." - Ephesians 5:21-33

This Is the Eucharist

I do not deserve this. He has placed all the choicest gifts before me, has given me more than I need, has showered me with His mercy. All that I see before me, I do not deserve. He has given me His very self. However, He has given me His very self not to hoard or hide but to share and celebrate. This is when I recall what I saw months ago at Mass during the Eucharist: a father with his son proceeding forward and, before reaching the priest, genuflected in such a way that it echoed what every good father does—He knelt with his children before the Lord of Lords and the King of Kings. He offered his son as an unbloody sacrifice. He sacrificed through the sweat and tears of the toil and labor he had to do to provide for his son. And there he was offering it before Him in the Most Holy Sacrament of the Altar. I am not worthy of this. And, yet, these things do not come to me in a whisper of temptation from some loftier goal; rather, this is the loftier goal for me from Him. He is to come under my roof. This is the discernment of spirits: there remains no unease or disquiet from each revisit to this moment, only peace, only holy rapture. He has given me another gem along the Way. I do not deserve this, but He gives it to me ever the same. He has given His Word, and my soul has been healed. This is the Eucharist.