The Better Half

There is a danger to being enlightened, that is, to seeing clearer the strengths and flaws of oneself and others. Both involve a spiritual blindness. The first risk is having greater light to see only the neighbor's imperfections all the clearer and assume one's are fewer and one's own strengths an all encompassing coup de grace for oneself mistakenly. The second is to see one's own faults as so numerous and pernicious and insurmountable to any growth or change that one gives up out of hopelessness, causing one not to help the other improve upon their imperfections for fear of one's own imperfections despite being called to do so out of sweet charity.

Both of them cause a seizing up, a squelching of spirit and, therefore, quenching of light. The first clenches the heart to compassion given, and the second clenches the hand to mercy bestowed. Both must be avoided in the pursuit of one's high calling to holiness and any dispatch away from Love's sweet gifts ignored, for one, like Mary at the feet of of Jesus, "has chosen the better part, and it will not be taken away..." (cf. Luke 10:42).

"But for the Grace of God Go I..."

Remembering that you are forgiven is a relieving truth. Even greater is the truth that you have that gift for others. Love is not lost in the loosing act of forgiveness but in the binding of the unforgiving act of a hard heart towards self and others. This is the most debilitating action one can choose; it is a failure to forgive, a détente of false peace when true peace is attainable and promptly accessible if one only acts. It is a failure of proper perspective and self-worth.

But for the grace of God go I... Grace because I could not persist in hope by my affliction alone. Hope because hope sees through the thin veneer of the present. Affliction because the present has not been made the future at once. Love because Love does not count the hours against the Beloved until the words are spoken: "Forgive us of our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us."

Guard jealously the forgiveness you've been given. Do not let it be taken away willingly or in piecemeal to doubt or temptation. You have sought forgiveness, and it has been given to you. Do not let temptation hold its sway to the lies and its progenitor.

You have been washed in the Blood of the Lamb. Do not sully your bright white garment. Do not sin. His gift is greater than the temptation at hand to fall. Remain close to Him. His grace is sufficient.

I Must Do...

It is in a moving peace and a moving joy that I am called to action this day. I am a man who is not happy to leave good enough alone. I am at heart a doer. I don't necessarily want the answer I have to be the right one, but every day I feel I must move closer to that understanding.

I must accomplish progress in the plans set before me so that I might not become discouraged. In short, I must have hope.

But if I have not the faith in my heart that the hope of a new day is to come, then how am I to live? I must live with love. I must show, as Pope Benedict said in conference with U.S. Catholic educators Thursday in Washington, D.C., "intellectual charity" not only to my own work but that of my peers and my professors. It is needed in everything I do to make it an act of charity, an act of love. In all things love and prayer must pervade. That is the mark of a holy life.

Let us be moved each day to find peace and joy in pursuing intellectual charity in all its glorious forms.

The Eagerness for the Fulfillment of Hope

The daily reading from yesterday's Mass struck a definite chord in my heart. It spoke directly to my heart and the troubles I have been feeling lately, namely those of this conflicting love in my heart. A few of the verses from the reading, the ones most pertinent to my heart at this time are as follows:

For God is not unjust so as to overlook your work and the love you have demonstrated for his name by having served and continuing to serve the holy ones. We earnestly desire each of you to demonstrate the same eagerness for the fulfillment of hope until the end, so that you may not become sluggish, but imitators of those who, through faith and patience, are inheriting the promises. When God made the promise to Abraham, since he had no one greater by whom to swear, "he swore by himself," and said, "I will indeed bless you and multiply" you. And so, after patient waiting, he obtained the promise. – Hebrews 6:10-16

While the context to which the preceding passage moved me is much lesser in significance, it still epitomizes how I should tread this very narrow tight-rope of loving desire. I know the Lord is there and is watching over me, wanting only the best. I must trust His will. I know I must not move from the tight-rope before me, lest I fall from the Grace the Lord has put before me. I shouldn't allow jealously or malice enter into my thoughts. Those two are among my most worrisome temptations for me at this time.

For it is much easier to let one's heart become hard when it is in pain. It much easier for it to become jealous and callous to touch when wrenched in pain. But as C.S. Lewis said, "To love at all is to be vulnerable." And right now, my heart is vulnerable. It is vulnerable to all sorts of whims, but I know it is also at the same time the most secure it will ever be. I have put my worries into the Lord's hands.

I will be patient in my heart, for I know the Lord will not overlook my work and the love I have demonstrated for His name, namely that unconditional love. For it is when all strings have been removed from our love, do we actual see the joy that is truly in our lives.