Through the Labor Pains of the Heart

"I desire mercy, not sacrifice." (cf. Hosea 6:6, Matthew 9:13)

These words of our Lord speak volumes. We may, especially when beset by deep sorrow and even depression, dwell on our unlovable nature and see how detestable our state is. We may even be tempted to grave sin, to abdicate the grace we have been given, or to be even reminded of the grave sin of the past already reconciled. Even so, there is this tumultuous experience that places us upon the parapet and tempts us to despair... Yet, we must remember those words of mercy—especially first for ourselves—that our souls may not be tortured but shining in the light of Christ. We must be light from His light, not that the fire is our own. He desires mercy over sacrifice in such a way that we are placed within His own sacrifice, we experience within His suffering our suffering, and we grow through such pitiable suffering out of love, not for ourselves, but for Him and, through Him, for the Other. Indeed, we cannot love the Other until we love ourselves, deep within our souls, in the way God loves each of us. Such as it is, we are able to begin anew, to love, to breathe, to live.

It is here that mercy is full realized and the original phrase becomes most profitable in a fruitful grace begotten by Him. It bears Him completely through the labor pains of the heart.

Traveling Our Way Home

There are a few things I dwell upon as we begin the Season of Advent. Much is still coming into focus, but on the trip back home this evening from visiting my family, I could sense the twilight of the past and the promise of future to come. It has made me very expectant for this December, and the reminders of the past—long trips to Texas to visit my extended family—a great joy from childhood. It was all triggered, oddly enough, from a faint familiar smell of driving through the Texas countryside... it was almost an earthy smell that within the instant connected me back to those childhood trips in the dead of night, traveling the way "home"... and family is always "home."

I have felt as though the explanation and the gift of remaining in Texas has come into distinct focus. There can be a false sense of nostalgia, distinct as one ages, but this shouldn't be confused with the cherishing of the past. No, the recollection of the past is for the benefit of the future, and even if everything cannot be recalled—nor should it in serious cases—the joy of the present is a future infused in the past, in tradition, and above all in a living with the past for the benefit of the future generations, such that, come what may, we may be able to pass on the joy of the Faith, of the truth, and ultimately the joy of life, replete with the everyday blessings we receive when traveling along the road of life with a song in our heart on our way to the town of Bethlehem and the infant child that awaits us.

The Incarnation of Love

God has been with me through every love enkindled in my heart for another. He is the Beginning and the End, the Alpha and Omega. It pains me to remember my faults and choices away from such a deep, abiding, and consoling love. It is a frustration that can only be overcome by grace not of the self. Love must be shown; it must be incubated. It must be taught from youth, from birth. Love must be on the lips, selfless in its gift, at its own transmission. And when that offer of generosity is left on the doorstep and no one answers, remember it is not a gift wasted. For so it is, even those who roam the streets must eat. They must have their fill at Love's Banquet.

What greater image do we have of Heaven and the Church than the image of a wedding feast? There is none. Our minds are longing after a consummation that will last, that will be pervasive and fulfilling. What other consummation can there be besides the longing after the end to which one is made? This is the execution of virtue and, its waiting, the building of endurance.

What man will say one day this power is enough, this control of a moment? Will he reject another given? No! He will add power upon power, moment upon moment until he has day upon day and week upon week. He will always welcome, all other powers and gifts being equal, one day more.

So it is, the gift of Eternity. It is the Evergreen gift, the constant Advent for the next day, satiability without end and engagement without boredom.

As children we may have experienced terrible boredom to great lengths. More often than not, it is a lack of learning of the senses and of experience in creation. Creation itself is without tedium. There is always another gift to recreate.

The Creator, the Father Himself, is the example par excellence of this... He has made us in His own image: in the image of the Trinitarian love exhibited between Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. He did not shrink from view but rather chose a people for His Himself and willed all may choose to be with Him, thus giving us His very son. This Incarnation is the nexus between every human heart's desire for the Divine to be enfleshed within. Love beckons to build a home sturdy enough to weather the storm and shelter this Incarnation of Love, the very start of an enkindled love that was made manifest over 2,000 years ago in the little town of Bethlehem. Let us never forget to welcome Him in.

May God bless you this Christmas season and continue to bless you with grace unbounded in the New Year to come. Merry Christmas, y'all!

Prepare the Way

O Lord, guard my heart.
When love's arrow misses its mark,
guide me back to your Sacred Heart.
When I grow weak to the voices from without,
give me your grace to return and never again depart.

Lead me that I may follow and lead others in your stead:
for those in need of being fed,
of those who have bled,
and for those who believe in all those words you have said.
Lead me to you.

Bring me to the place you have prepared for me,
for the works you have prepared for me to enter into.
Let not my heart's questions quiet the call you have given.
Let me see the splendor you have given for the Church in miniature.
Let me see the splendor!

Prepare the Way. Prepare the Way of the Lord!