Credo et Accipio

Inspiration

2012-01-06T23:55:00.000-06:00

There are a few ways to view writing and the composition of writing within and, by intimate association, inspiration. Chief among the defining is how to term its creation and placement. One is to term it is a blank slate, where it is all new, nothing to taint the total picture and message within. The second school would be to see it all connected, as life is, with what comes from before it and the influences of the writer. Both are correct in many respects.

First, inspiration isn't simply out of the blue. It is out a multicolored experience that we reach a moment of "Aha!" Secondly, there isn't a time that something else from our past that colors our display, our words, our choices. Life is colored in the past, but the future isn't the past.

Yet, there is something to be said about a "fresh" view. Yet, that view must come from something before it, and if so... purified to its essence, a message required to be proclaimed. Inspiration must be tested but not denied. A gift must be identified before it is known how to be used. So too must inspiration be handled.

Sweet Melancholy

2011-12-24T20:16:00.000-06:00

O melancholy, sweet and bitter friend,
why have you returned again?

Speak, speak again, O dear friend...
What does it take for love's quiver
to be taken again from me?

What does it take for love's sad state to be neutralized again?
I have no need of love's arrows; they have hit their mark.
I have been hit in the heart.

Love's sad state is a blessing and a curse, but this way isn't meant to be.
Its purpose and goal must center itself on the Sacrifice.
It must be Love that it always sees.

O melancholy, sweet and bitter friend,
show me the Christ child... and your sweet and bitter end.

Archetypes and Models of Sexual Differences

2011-09-12T02:30:00.008-05:00

The need for the Marian and Christ archetypes in modern times is ever the more present. It wouldn't be purely out of the sheer sociological necessity rationalized away by Joseph Campbell in his seminal work The Hero with a Thousand Faces, but there is a ring of truth in that purview into the human consciousness no matter the society or time.

The schools of thought as to how to explain the truth found in such works stretches back as far as the arguments of how to explain Faith either from a purely spiritual, religious standpoint to the notion that science can explain Faith away in a purely empirical way. This debate results in the classic chicken and the egg conundrum. What matters, however, is that such a correlation can be made and be accepted for what it is.

So the need is present for both Christ-like and Marian persons in our everyday life because they are underlying models for masculinity and femininity. What modern thought and design has gotten wrong in this arena is to assume that this is somehow "typecasting" the players on the stage, so to speak. I daresay, it would be dangerous to otherwise not assume these roles!

The hyper-roles of either masculine or feminine models and the perversions within, bespeak to the danger of Man to take either the testosterone-packed or estrogen-soaked emotional roller coaster of living by hormones alone, as if they were both merely just animals and not rational animals. Both are prominently present in modern day as any quick view of the cable lineup or a simple Internet search can testify. Both can be intermingled between the sexes and assigned to either at seemingly sheer will by the social scientist. This is the underlying mistake of living by and acting through hormones alone: no act of will exists and certainly no rationality to it whatsoever.

This then all leads to the response that is begged in light of the present-day situation. The framework on how to respond for such situations where hormones and biological tendencies cut one way and the prevailing social winds cut the other can very well leave a person stranded without any paddle, wind for the sails, or compass to guide. In short, the framework is no framework at all except to base itself off the fact that there is no structure to a response. The actors act simply because of sheer observations of their actions and declaration that this is indeed the new "normal," whatever that might mean to the observer upon circumspection.

In light of this new "normal," however, the archetypes come in to play for good to unsnarl the precarious mess before the precipice of so-called progress. If one knew and understood that "monomythic" truth to not be simply an observation of the societal underpinning but an overarching design, how would the approach to the given roles change? Would you question the reasons as to why such promptings and cultural refrains repeat without ceasing? Could it very well be that such prompts of the will are, dare we say in poetic form, written on the hearts of all? And, of course, the answer is an emphatic and strong yes.

With the two archetypes in place, the vocations are brought into focus and made clearer. The clarity that results lasers in the sight of both male and female to the beauty of the other and catapults the other into that image of the Divine, which is Love. Love, not out of our incompatibility or sheer difference, exists and even thrives in the sameness that can be found in an equality that does not equate the notion of equality of the physiological with the equality of freedom and God-given dignity before all. One exists to help the other, not to dominate the other. "Love conquers all" does not mean it dominates. Rather, Love allows the other to coexist even when the Lover consumes the Beloved. The Other does not cease to exist in the union of love, but rather it lives in union or completion of that end love. That is why martial love begs for a consummation—or, in other words, a completion. The union, and therefore the two sexes, are incomplete without it.

All of this funnels into the reality of the two models of Christ as the New Adam and Mary as the New Eve and the necessity of both. For if the two sexes are incomplete without total and complete union, then how will the imperfect union of Love ever suffice the Eternal? How does Love conquer death? Given such a model in Jesus and Mary, it does.

Both exist in the supernatural sense to help point the natural inclinations to the Eternal and to relate from the Eternal to the temporal. If we take their models into our everyday existence and experience, then when we do we naturally rise to lofty heights of both esteem and understanding that is the reality of the Eternal. Christ as the natural and perfect Bridegroom and Mary as the first member of Church, which is the Bride of Christ, shines the way to the Eternal and to the fulfillment of life itself, whether in marriage or in religious life.

Thus, in this present reality, the vocational "crisis" is made clear. It is not that we do not have enough priests, enough religious, or even enough faithful marriages that we must resort to some how "redefine" their definitions or somehow erase the original image of their definitions. It is that we do not have enough Christ-like or Marian examples living out their God-given natures fearlessly today.

We, too, can dare to live faithfully, fruitfully, fearlessly, and freely as New Adams and New Eves if we only accept that call. It is a call into the Darkness, but the Call still remains.

What Love Is... And What It Is Not...

2011-06-26T23:57:00.001-05:00

Love is not happiness. Love is joy.

Joy has an interesting quality to it. It doesn't just have a simple relational aspect, like emotions such as happiness. Joy lives outside of both the emotional and rational spheres. It speaks to heart and head simply because it can. It speaks because true joy has Hope wrapped in it. Yet, "Hope that sees is not hope at all," so, it must also has Faith contained therein. Even more, if Faith has not works—works of charity—then Faith is dead. Therefore, too, Joy has Love, True Love contained therein.

However, the interesting thing about Love is that it requires the depths of sacrifice and self-giving with purpose. It must have an ordered purpose, or else it flies off the tracks of life into ruin. It becomes a fiery chariot racing towards the Sun, only to make its fiery crash to the depths of the earth, a fiery demise. This demise is seen everyday as "normal" and acceptable. Nothing could be further from the Truth.

If there is anything that I can learn from this experience of witnessing fiery demises on a personal level, of being a product of a fiery demise, I would stress the need for authenticity of hearts. I pray for those entering the marital arena. How much do we need the Domestic Church!

And what about Marriage? Why should we be worried on how we define it?

Because our very existence as a People depend on it. We do not exist without it.

Love does not seek quick fixes, does not quit at the first at bat, does not throw in the towel when it gets uncomfortable. Love does not fail the Other. Authentic Love requires a vow. It cannot exist outside a vow. It must subsist in a vow because, without it, love is merely a shadow of its meaning. It is icing without the cake.

This is what is strange about our society today, from our secular to church society. It demands all these things: quick fixes, no-fault verdicts, dissoluble definitions, dissoluble unions, dissoluble meanings of what a vow is. It is not quick fix. Love is not a quick fix.

Love is not merely a promise, and therefore marriage is not just a promise. It is a lifetime choice. A vow gives the love its permanence, its value as a currency. "I love you until death do us part," has a lot more permanence than "I love you until I no longer feel love for you." That, my friends, is crackle of Confederate money, a false currency. It cannot subsist on itself. It dies a ignoble death in the dark, cold and alone. Love does not burn out. It sets the world afire.

The difference between a vow and a promise is just that, promises are made to broken. Vows, on the other hand, cannot. They are the bonds, the marks of the One who gives breath to us all. We cannot escape our vows when the going gets rough. We cannot escape True Love.

Why then do priests who are given strong crosses to bear become Black Sheep Dogs or abusive priests muddy the waters of the Priesthood? Why do men and women forsake their avowed Vocations? Why do husbands cheat on their wives? Because they know not the depth of the vows to which they previously assented to. They do not mean the Yes that they spoke at the Beginning.

We are told by Christ: "Let your 'Yes' mean 'Yes,' and your 'No' mean 'No.' Anything more is from the evil one." (Matthew 5:37) "Anything more" is what we have today. It is not love; it is an excuse for love.

It's saddening, but it is not the final answer. It is not the end.

The Domestic Church and the Priesthood both require a sacrifice that the World today doesn't recognize. The World would rather redefine both to a temporary nature, ones that live on whims. Whims do not last; they have no continence. They die.

True Love never dies.

Both marriage and the priesthood require sacrifice. Both require the Other in inseparable ways, one for the Witness of earthly union and the other of Divine. Neither can be divorced from the other. Both require True Love. Both require the Cross.

That is the meaning of "I do."

A Reflection on the Eternal

2011-06-24T01:14:00.000-05:00

Something caught my attention one Sunday morning at Mass, and I found myself seeing a little more into a moment, as I am wont to do. My sightline during the consecration passed through two friends praying together as a couple. And I cannot stress how significant I say "as a couple."

As the Mass is the representation of His Sacrifice at Calvary, I have seen before St. John and the Blessed Mother at the Cross before as in a historical flash of vision. However, here, I had seen something unique to this graced view to extrapolate it to something equally relevant: to seeing it in our times. All of this, as though it is dramatizing the Word given to us and giving us a dramatization of Gospel through the representation of the Mass.

As I mentioned, "as a couple" for me brings a significance to this grace I was given to see. For in this grace, they were an unwitting witness to hope. And, though they might not have understood the personal significance of this to me, my gratitude for this moment is present even until now.

Furthermore, the scene even now speaks of something greater being intertwined in a synergy I cannot even fathom to fully describe on earth. Yet, this has a great significance, because even as the priest is in persona Christi, we are inasmuch "in persona" to others as well, and this is certainly very good.

Indeed, we can say "Lord, it is very good to be here"... and say we ought to set a tent here and never leave. Yet, we do leave... not out of lack of love but because of an even deeper love! And again, I rest on those words "as a couple" because it is important to see it not as a degradation of a better gift, but a unique one in itself to reflect His love "in persona" in other, but no less valuable, ways—through, with and in His Sacred Heart.

That grace given me is, in part, a prayer for both of them on their journey ahead. I pray that His grace remains present ahead, even in the struggle as much as the strength of building together a new life as one.

As iron sharpens iron, I pray for unceasingly for the blessed race ahead. It makes an unspoken "Yes" more present through a witness that is a reflection of the Eternal. Deo gratias.

L'Angelus: Lac Bijou

2011-06-14T07:20:00.001-05:00

I am wholly convinced if the world listened to and lived by this song, all of the world's problems would melt away. Then again, I am quite possibly a perennial optimist... or a melancholic who is a lazy perfectionist, a morning person if it weren't for morning. You see, since this song is, by definition, in music form I, a lazy perfectionist, would strive to put it simply to words alone, and still I would be up until morning (coffee-fueled jitters an all) trying to place each musical movement to words. Yet, this is the beauty of music... it means another whole world from one person to the next. It is the universal language.

And the strange thing is... I still try.

L'Angelus - Lac Bijou

Rush Upon Me

2011-06-12T09:18:00.000-05:00

O distant dream, O rushing current,
Spirit of the Lord rush upon me...
That each of us do see the gifts given,
The Love in opening our eyes to see
The Vocation given to each of us to be.

We shared a dance or two that night before
With music of angels, of joy, of life below...
Awakening our hearts a joy from before,
Opening our hearts to wisdom, to joy, to love bestowed.

O distant dream, O rushing current,
Spirit of the Lord, rush upon me...
Let me see the Vocation to be given to me.
Spirit of the Lord, rush upon me.

Give me the strength to be;
Give me the strength I need.
Spirit of the Lord, rush upon me.

An Easter Joy

2011-04-24T12:43:00.002-05:00

At every step He has given, to each of us a gift, a passion to share. We need only to uncover it, discover it, and recover what has been given to each of us. It is love, it is love, my dear friend, it is love. Indeed, we are an Easter people, one without fear if we do not take it to be. And how do we at times take it to be only darkness! It is not!

How then are we to care? If not with passion after the Sacred Heart of Jesus? He has risen! He has risen—for us He has risen! It is Easter morn, and all is as it should be! Find him on the Roadside, the Inn, the one in your midst! He is there among your brothers and sisters. He is there!

The Son has broached the Horizon; He has met the horizontal with the vertical. The Eternal He has given us. He has crossed the chasm we as a People have caused between God and Man. What joy, the Cross, the Holy Cross of Christ! The fault so happy as to result in receiving such a sweet Saviour as He! What cannot then impassion us with true love!

I implore you, dear friend, now is the time to let Love reign! He is King, King forever! True Love has come to reign, in hearts and homes. He has come to reign. What sweet words to come off of a pair of weary lips: "He has come; He has risen!"

Let us rejoice with the Angels and the Saints this day. He has risen!

Happy Easter!

The Christian Romantic

2010-11-13T23:54:00.028-06:00

I realized that at every one of my pleadings to our Lord that a simple submission is best summed into the words "I accept"... this is not a victory march. No, it's a long, tiresome journey home. It is through our little sufferings that He does His most work, not through the pompous processions. We weren't redeemed by a victory march; we were redeemed by a long, burdensome trek to Calvary. That is how much He loved us. Let us return the favor, as little we can.

And that is where I am with my journey and this blog. For me, it has morphed into something more than just a place to put my musings. It is something to let whatever has been given to me to fall as it may as He deigns it to touch those it needs to touch as He, not I, may wish. And this is where the former of the new title comes from, the credo.

And so the title is together Credo et Accipio—"I Believe and I Accept." This is my rallying point and cry forward, into the the darkness that abounds.

Some days all that can be mustered in this persistent fog of the Shadowlands are the words "I believe..." but even this is enough for Him, for they are not simple idle words. They are words worked out in fear and trembling before Him who is the Giver of all Gifts.

These times can be described as one of constant rain and dreariness, but something keeps the home fires burning that can't be described, something of love, of peace, of nearness of spirit. If grace cannot be described as this, no other sentiment has its worth. It may be raining outside and dreary, but something keeps the home fires burning. It's a grace-filled longing surrounded by joy.

To incorporate a few thoughts gleaned from Fr. John Corapi, focus not on the darkness in the people you meet or the darkness in yourself. Rather, look to the Light that is within, buried as it were, ready to be taken out from the tomb, from beneath the bushel basket. It needs to be seen; see it.

At every step there is temptation. And all of us have fallen. But we must remember to get back up, get ourselves dusted off and remain on the road to Calvary. Pick up our mat, our cross, and walk. It's a long journey. We will carry on.

This is the heart of the Christian who is ultimately also a romantic in the end because the end is Love. He binds us to His Word and carries us from the desert into the Promised Land of our fathers, one of eternal life with Him. How can this faith not be seen as romantic! Truly, truly it is one of love.

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment, and so one who fears is not yet perfect in love. We love because he first loved us." 1 John 4:18-19

And yet, we confuse not only love in the present day but so also fear, the reverential fear of the greatness of Him and smallness of us. We have lost both in society and in culture. We rename what was once love as too much and focus inward, not outward. We take, but we do not give. How can we fight the impostors of both love and fear? Through prayer, through right example, through love as He loved us. This is the cooperation we are called to with His mission, and with it we become imperfect instruments of love.

We are given this perfect love to share, but this gift doesn't make it easy for us to share it. He is the perfect example and thus the one to emulate. Christ is the mediator... but then where are we? Where do we let our doubts enter in? How do we let them in? By entertaining them. Perhaps we should take the words of St. Pio of Pietrelcina to heart:

"Stop entertaining those vain fears. Remember it is not feeling which constitutes guilt but the consent to such feelings. Only the free will is capable of good or evil. But when the will sighs under the trial of the tempter and does not will what is presented to it, there is not only no fault but there is virtue."

There is no escaping doubt. Jesus had it in Gethsemane. John and the Virgin Mary at the Cross. The Apostles who scattered. The Church yesterday. The Church today. The one thing that keeps everyone going is the Church of Tomorrow. Faith fills the void that doubt leaves in its shadows and, with it, brings Light.

Let us bring Light to those in darkness.

But then how?

"When our hands have touched spices, they give fragrance to all they handle. Let us make our prayers pass through the hands of the Blessed Virgin. She will make them fragrant." - St. John Vianney

We do it through the support of one another, through the communion He has given us with Him, His mother, and His angels and His saints. The key in understanding it all is that we are not alone. That through the Blessed Virgin Mary we understand our role from the first disciple in her fiat to the Lord's plans, even though "she was greatly troubled" at first. Her words "be it done unto me according to thy word" become ours, and in them we are bound even closer to Christ.

God is the giver of all gifts. The problem isn't with the number of them; it's the recognition of them. The greatest gifts are often the smallest, not because they are grandest, but rather because they hold the greatest potential for flourishing. The giftedness from God has nothing to do with quantity; it has everything to do with perspective. It's in this that God shows us His infinite mercy and His infinite love.

Even so, there isn't enough joy to fill the current sorrow, and there will never be enough joy to erase the sorrow of the past. We must fully understand the reason for pain if we are to ever know fully of the joy to be given to us. We must love without strings attached.

Speak to the Truth in your presence. Leave no heart in the cold. Give warmth and, in turn, that warmth will be returned. Above all, don't leave your talents buried. Don't be a foolish servant. He gives them to you to be used, to serve others and serve Him. That is the heart of a Christian Romantic.

"For it is good to hide the secret of a king: but honourable to reveal and confess the works of God." - Tobias 12:7

A Poet Lost

2010-11-08T23:55:00.003-06:00

I am a poet lost in a world of prose.
I am a dreamer stuck in a world of logicians.
Without joy, without fun, I am a poet lost,
lost in world without a sun.
I am a poet lost in world of prose.

I am a poet found in a world without roses.
I am a dreamer lost in a world of thinkers.
With clouds, with thunder, I am a dreamer stuck,
stuck in world without wonder.
I am a poet found in a world without roses.
I am a poet lost in a world of prose.

Let Love Be

2010-11-03T23:45:00.003-05:00

My heart busies about as a moth before a flame;
shaped and muffled it turns over and over again.

From one concern to another,
fighting the fights and sealing the shames,
of a journey that has yet to be named.

Clarity and then shadows fall into place,
where hearts filled not with love,
come home to reign.

Would love be easier if not challenged by struggle,
or is it the struggle that wins victory's name?

Nay, it is victory all the same.
Let love be not a game.

Finding a Home, Finding an Identity

2010-08-29T05:10:00.007-05:00

How does one describe being from New Orleans? Of the City's intrinsic beauty, its pride, its excitement, its devotion to a team and to a Faith? Can things such as this be quantified or measured? Can it be snuffed out, washed to sea, blown away? Can anyone defeat such a Joy in Life as well as in death, where death is no time for mourning but celebrating the Past? The answer is found in the embodiment of a team that isn't just a team, it's part of the intrinsic nature of New Orleans. The Saints are New Orleans. And New Orleans is the Saints. Summed up in so many words: WHO DAT!

And this is what is interesting above all about New Orleans: a paradoxical love and a faith that withstands every countenance of despair and attempt of shedding. It is found in a city that weaves in a faith not blind to life, but rather one lived inside of it. It is neighbor helping neighbor. It is the yearly Carnival celebrations beside one's fellow neighbor that, indeed, they've survived another hurricane season. It is celebrations of the Saints win or lose (but especially with the wins).

Places of childhood do not leave one's mind—not the good or the bad, not the ugly or the indifferent. So it is with me—yet the last thing New Orleans will leave you as is indifferent. Not even hurricanes, which wipe off many markers of the past, or man-made engineering disasters, which finish off where Mother Nature began her work, not even these disasters will tear from memory these mementos of days gone by. New Orleans is altogether different, another category altogether.

The place has a way of instilling both a pride of place and a sadness of when progress has been stopped, delayed, or hampered. It breeds la joie de vivre and disappointment. It is a city that is far from perfect, but it is one of distinctiveness that all who are associated with it take great pride in. It is an identity that no hurricane or distance can dissipate.

It is a city that has been, since its inception, a city to be documented, but not only documented but also lived. It is a city to live vicariously in, whether it is of the past, present, or the future. They are all contained within the ramparted streets of that unique leveed city. Once you are there, you never truly depart.

One always has a piece of the city whether you've been there a day, a year, or a lifetime. The only difference is that when you move away, you become an ambassador of that spirit of life shared. It speaks to the soul like no other place in world can. And sometimes, when the voices get to be too many, one cannot realize this until it is the only voice to remain from the sprawl and noise of another place, a place where all things are manufactured and not grown, a place where the façade is the only thing present.

Yet, one's ambassadorship remains, as though one is left in a second-rate hotel room waiting out the exile to return home. It is a strange love affair that New Orleans breeds. One that remains as thick as the humid air of that river city and remains despite all odds.

More now than ever does New Orleans and the Gulf Coast need its ambassadors. Love affairs do not end once the beloved is gone, they only grow stronger. And, in it, the bonds of those who traveled those hallowed streets, celebrated its unique joy, and lived in those homes now rebuilt but not forgotten can be remembered, renewed, and represented to others as a reminder of the ones who did not make it out of the surly floodwaters or the strong headwinds of the Gulf, of the ones who survived Katrina those five years ago this day if only as a memory to our hearts, to our Louisiana.

If any song will bring me back to Louisiana... if songs had the power to do such things... this one would be it. Louisiana will always be home to me with New Orleans as its heart, wrapped in a faith true.

God bless New Orleans, the state of Louisiana, and the whole Gulf Coast as we mark this fifth anniversary of the Storm that did not break the will of people of the Gulf Coast. It may have washed the shores of a challenged land, but its people will not waver. Its people will not retreat. Its people will prosper and rebuild and renew a place, a face of what is best about America. God bless Louisiana.

I said...

2010-08-26T23:00:00.001-05:00

I said a lot of things.
I said, "We are friends and that's okay,
that the silence, the distance would be fine."

But really I said,
"No, please don't go, don't leave when day is done,
don't give me a reason to let you go.
I love you but must let you go.
I love you; I love you so."

Is this a lie? To let things go?
Or is it truth to let things that are impossible
fly on down the road?
Yes, our roads converged once,
a spark of inspiration, of drive,
of mutual compassion once...
but now... only distance, silence.
What of this? What of this silence?

I said a lot of things,
but I was never silent.
I gave my silence to Him,
in hopes I was doing the right thing.
My words to Him went unceasing.
It was a gift I want now to return,
but love doesn't settle that way.
It remains; it sticks to heart and hands
like an adhesive.
It doesn't return until it has fulfilled its aim and duty.
It is with purpose as I am to be with purpose.
Its aim is my aim:
to care when caring isn't something fun to do,
to smile when smiling isn't what I want to do,
to listen but not speak...

However, one thing I did not say to you,
were the words, those words: "I love you."
Why? Because I wasn't supposed to.
But I do, I do love you.

Waiting

2010-08-11T09:00:00.001-05:00

Breath, each precious breath
Enters with each beat,
Each beat of desire,
Hearts yearning in desire...
One heart, one heart for now...

Beat, each precious beat
Takes its place within,
Each beat to give rhythm to the world,
Witness to the world, Love to the world,
Witness to Love, Love of Loves.

Look, each precious look,
The longing for something more—
More than self, More than one—
Two into one, external of the Eternal—
Love beyond bounds, Love of Loves.

Beat, each precious beat,
Yearning of Other, Other in self,
Grace of sign to something more,
More than self in self,
Love beyond self, Love of Loves.

Breath, each precious breath,
Waiting on the Other,
Waiting to witness to the Love,
To the Love found Here,
Love of Three Hearts, Love of Loves.

Waiting on...
The Love of Loves.

On the Laity, Sanctity in Marriage, and the Mission to the Secular World

2010-07-13T16:20:00.007-05:00

It is not the rejection of the world but the redemption of it. We must baptize all things to Christ. There is no difference between a Catholic chair or an un-Catholic chair, or a Catholic table and an un-Catholic table. So it is with a Catholic home. All homes are first catholic. What matters are not its contents, but rather the actions and the beliefs of the hearts within.

Many have seen Catholic homes that are Catholic in word only. And, likewise, un-Catholic homes devoid of anything to pin it to a catholicity, and yet in truth they are catholic. What can be said of the Catholic broken home? Much! Not only does it fail the first test, that of belief, but also the second—action. It is "very good" enough to assent to the belief handed on from antiquity but in truth is not the case if the action proceeding fails to live the credo out. Where is the redemption of the world?

The answer then is not to reject it outright. It is to redeem it, to baptize it to Christ. And there the family—intact and whole—is most needed. It is here that the first missionary acts are borne; it is here that the first transmission of faith, of credo is given. As milk from the mother is this done, and here the father is most important in the role to daughter and son. It is here, most often, the child will receive the fire of His love, of Christ's indomitable love. And so too is this true with the mother as the seat of compassion. Where are our holy saints of happy marriage? Where are the saints of marital bliss?

Heroic virtue is first born in the home, like faith a grace-filled gift, always a gift with a purpose. So why not the saints of the home?

Many have been born out of home a vocation of sanctity. Namely among them, St. Augustine, whose own sainthood one could argue was born out of the prayers of his mother, she too now called "Saint."

One cannot doubt heroic virtue to be born out of, or rather, in spite of, broken homes, unhappy marriages. This much is true, but never has such an example of sanctity has been recorded that such a tested soul takes the helm too to the unsteady waters of the earthly sign of Heaven's Banquet. No, this is rarefied air. But is God intending this to be so? I wager not.

What a sign for the world would this be! Indeed, it would be a credo worth believing. Heroic virtue found not only in strife but also prosperity, would this not be classified as territory of a friend of God, too? This is not solely of the Catholic domain. It is a uniquely human desire, hope, and dream. However, this is not merely a dream; this too can be a reality.

This can be captured through the gift of faith, yes, but how is the faith to be nourished? From scraps and left-overs? I think not! We must have an educated laity. This means the resources of books, libraries, radio, and television must be renewed! The excuse of never having being done before or of others not doing the same must not be the excuse! "Either we accuse ourselves or we excuse ourselves," St. John Vianney once said, so too in this case. Let us not excuse a lack of zeal and haste to this aim.

We must renew our parishes to being a center of knowledge, of faith, of sacraments, and of wisdom. The Mass must be nourished!

Why not a library of faith for instruction into that which is sublimely beautiful, all-encompassing, and most needed and beneficial? The Mass cannot itself teach or merely preach. Its action provides an example which is incomprehensible if not without a guide. Let this be the writings of Christian antiquity, to stir us renewed in our one true faith! The Word made flesh dwells among us!

The Half-way House of our Lord is made known through all the vocations but especially in the breaking of the bread. It is here too that the family plays a crucial role! Where are we placing "the breaking of the bread" in our families' lives? Are we even getting the proper idea of breaking the bread? If not, then let us renew this too and truly "ita missa est" into the world. This is where all vocations, all calls to sanctity and sainthood begin!

This is our call to living as laity enriched by the faith, sanctifying marriage and its bonds, and being true missionaries to the secular world.

Finding Home

2010-07-07T23:50:00.001-05:00

Come back, come back to who you are.
Come back, to love and grace.
Come to the Banquet of all banquets—
Come back Home.

Come to the Water, the Living Water.
Come without fear, come with Hope.
Come to find the Truth in the Unveiling—
Come back Home.

Come to Love, to the Love that satisfies.
Come to the authentic nature of our hearts.
Come to search the hearts of so many—
Come back Home.

Find the Way back, back to...
The way back to love.
Search your heart, there...
There it is—Home.

Find the love,
Find the peace,
You are there—
You are Home.

The Court Jester

2010-07-02T05:26:00.007-05:00

I think I'm just here...
          here for entertainment purposes
                  for the little things.

You'll send me where all...
          where all the court jesters go...
                  somewhere else...

And you'll find someone new to entertain you...
          to entertain you with baubles and bright things,
                  silly things that are trifles
                  and nothing terrible...
                  the beautiful things.

What if 'yes' was 'yes'
          and 'no' was no longer 'no'
                  and there were no maybes,
                             simply... simply 'yes.'
                                         "Yes, I accept."

Where would that bring us?
          Where would we go?
                   Would you go?
                         Maybe so?
                    There you go.
Maybe, maybe, maybe so.

Is anything ever clear,
clear to sight,
clear to touch,
clear without any other fight?

Can there be a world without games,
without fights,
without things hidden in plain sight?

Can we go to this place,
not for my sake, no...
for the life we ought to live.
A life of 'yes,' without fear
A life full of beauty, without so many tears
A life of truth and worth living.
A life without court jesters,
A life with only mystics here.

Fearless Love

2010-05-24T23:51:00.002-05:00

Love, O Love without fear—
Where do You stand, O Love—
Where do I stand with You?
With love, shield my heart from fear.

Love, defining life and search,
Defining journey in every step,
In every step of life and heart,
Every beat of the Rhythm of Life.

Fearlessness—finding faith in darkness,
Hope without the Other in sight,
Love when all remains so empty,
Fearlessness in every step lit by lamp.

Love in perfection, Love in Truth,
Wait on my broken heart for my love,
Wait on my very compassion—that it may be my own,
Wait that I may truly love You,
Love in fearlessness, Fearless Love,
Perfect Love—You.

Two Types of Women

2010-05-20T01:10:00.003-05:00

As a man, there are two clear types of women who live, and only one truly lives. One incites only the eyes of the passing man, causing the man to fall into a hollow pull of desire, a pit of desire as it were. She cultivates a garden of desire. Her need is of the flesh and her song is one of human concern. Her own heart may be veiled but all her gifts fail to be fully veiled from the man's view. She falls short of the call to love perfectly.

The other woman cultivates a garden not of desire—but of Hope. She cultivates a garden not to be trampled by the passing man but to be admired at a distance. She, in fact, knows the Gardener and accepts His direction, to prune here and cut back there. It's not that her garden is not beautiful...Her beauty is in the Hope of the fruits to come, not the flowers of the present. Her need is not to be fancied but to be fruitful, and her song is one of compassion for it's through a selfless Passion that she calls others too to a selfless gift to those in need.

Even so, her garden is one that is walled, not out of fear or disunity but for protection. And it is in this walled garden that she calls the man to devotion. For it is in Hope that devotion rightly rests. No further can the man walk and not stop to admire from a distance the beauty to be found in the Hope she radiates. It is the fragrance of Faith that she calls to mind the simple fact that her love is not hers alone—but of the One who sent her. She is a woman of faith. She loves because Christ first loved her. She is a woman of love in its fullest.

And so for a man there is one type of woman that incites lustful desire and another type of woman that calls the man to devotion and greater passion in Christ. I thank God every day for the latter of these two.

Little Things

2010-05-05T16:44:00.000-05:00

What gracious things:
The small joys,
The unexpectant loves,
The Little Things.

What graces, blessings
What kindness
What friendships
Are found in the Little Things.

What peace is found
When we find time to let go,
To find the precious time
To rejoice in the Little Things.

Thank God
For the Little Things.

Returning to Timeless Messages

2010-05-04T18:30:00.006-05:00

I have returned to a friend's message and other points of grace and could not help but share them, as I feel they ought to be shared. This isn't a turn of exhibitionism, but rather a magnification of the smaller workings that aren't my own.

To quote the friend:

"There is such a strange, paradoxical freedom in embracing the Cross... in stretching out your arms to be nailed, you are opening yourself, literally, in a gesture of true freedom, as if to soar as an eagle, but even yet more free, because you offer even your free will, which an eagle does not have; you accept and freely choose the Cross, though you may not like it, and in that is true freedom. A freedom that will set the Soul to true flight the morning of the Resurrection. God's timing, dear brother is perfect. We must trust and concede to it."

The problem is, quite frankly, I am stuck within His Passion. I am stuck at His Cross. More so, I am afraid I will run from that very Cross which sets me free... from the very act of Sacrifice which frees each of us with true freedom. I am John, John at the Cross. And yes, He has given me His Mother... but even that seems distant. I am lost to the terror before my eyes. I am lost even though He has given His Mother. I count everything else as a loss.

She is my compass. That through her, my thoughts and prayers are made fragrant. It is through her that I am able to soar freely in the freedom of the Cross. She, the Mother of our Lord is our Mother, too! Her "yes" can join to ours! And yet my "yes" has been drowned out...choked by these worldly concerns, my own preoccupations, my own pride, my own doubts.

I am a most unprofitable servant, still a wayward son.

My compass is stuck.

And, yet, in all of this I can see the glimmers of hope, even when I cannot share these glimmers with others around me, to others dear to me. I do see His plan within me. If only my perseverance in Him will win out.

These glimmers, how do I wish to share them! It is what compels me to carry on, to begin each day anew. Some days, they are obscured... others they burn brightly. It is the little things.

I want to share the little things, day by day. But the world seems too much, too much to overcome. But I must remember His is a battle that He has already won. All I can see is the rejection that He faced. Surely, I will be rejected, too. I must become accepting of this. For this reason, I know I am not ready, not ready for anything. I sense myself to be foolish.

Still, I see His plans in my heart. I question daily to know these aren't merely my desires... and in this, comes the hesitation. And in this I realize I must become a good son before I can even hope to become a good father. For this reason, I know I am not ready, not ready for anything.

And yet, He reaffirms these things to me in prayer: "to teach the one true Faith. How is to be done? With Charity... with Charity to all, to the little ones. It must all first be cemented in Hope... for without Hope no endeavour, blessed or ordained, ever gets off the ground. We must endure in Hope. This is what it means when we are to live a life, a vocation of Love."

These words came to me before Our Lord... and to Him they will return. I don't wish them to be hollow, but even in the Resurrection it seems I have lost the Way. How then can I teach the one true Faith? Just as much as I cannot earnestly write of love, if I don't first experience it. And it all seems dead to me. It feels as though I am charlatan. And, yet still: "praestet fides supplementum sensuum defectui."

Those words of encouragement remind me of my pastor's words that week of the message:

"Think of every pain and heartache, every difficulty and disappointment. Nothing, not even the sum total, can erase the ultimate victory that is ours in Jesus Christ. That is why we as Christians can never stop working at making our world a better place. As Catholics we can never love too much or do too much good. As followers of Jesus, the Risen One, we can always see good even in the midst of tragedy. We can see light even in the darkest corner. We can see hope and love everywhere because Christ has vanquished the darkness and the light fills us with radiance and joy."

In the end, we need the perseverance, the discipline, the hope of tomorrow to steal away to Him, our font of all blessings. All of this with a smiling face.

So Many Things...

2010-05-04T01:04:00.008-05:00

So many things to contemplate, to resuscitate.
                    But all I want is to be thankful for you.

So many things to remember, to return nearer.
                    But all I want is to be thankful for you.

So many things do I think are needed, important.
                    But all that is important is in you.

What am I do with this, all the things given to me? What else but to share... and let settle where they may, with whom He deigns to be... and leave all of it, all of it up to Him—not me. How do I wish to see further, to see further the work... to see the completion of every toil and sacrifice, every "yes" as it was meant to be.

So many things to contemplate; so many things to let be.
Yes, I accept! I accept the grace given to me!

The Body and Soul Exposed

2010-04-30T22:55:00.015-05:00

I. Renewed Adam

A man's chest is a complex thing,
even when undressed.
It protects a heart that is restless,
even when found at rest.

It projects an aura of strength,
its muscles bulging here,
its muscles dipping there,
its shape supple with a muscular chest.

It beckons a woman's heart to draw near,
to trust and run to,
to confide in with a certainty of strength,
to hide in, away from the restless world.

A man's chest is a guiding sign,
when open to the Other betrothed.
It revels in pointing His Beloved
to the life-inviting act bestowed,
to the conjugal love of marriage sown.
It forms at its crown a place
to carry the complex burdens of a restless heart made to love.

It calls a woman's eyes to see this crown,
broad shoulders to carry the wood of sacrifice
on the muscles and tendons of mass and berth,
for a mission to carry since fashioned from the earth.

A man's chest is an incomplete sign.
Its other half is only found
once you notice His ribs below.
Count the bones, the ones on His cage scooping below—
The missing one—"Flesh of my Flesh,"
"Bone of my Bone!"

Its sign scoops downward,
its navel gracefully surrounded
by contracting muscle
as chiseled from stone.

A man's waist forms a crossroads
between body and soul.
The body's origins still remain,
a vestige of His mother's life-giving pain.

These muscles too now help to form
a new life to be,
a breathing and heaving shown through the whole sign
where old love and new love prepare to transform.

A man's waist forms a bridge from the crown of sorrows
to the columns of strength by step below,
where the burden brought to completion
and the Sacrifice is lived once more.

The marble columns form a base,
to which the Beloved draws in closest,
to the inner storm of Eros in Agape—the love God bestowed!

A man's base is girded in strength,
girded for His Beloved to see.
He hides from all but His Betrothed
a passion destined in love,
one given to the Other
Fully, Faithfully, Fruitfully, and Freely.

Sheathed in armor great,
the man's defenses form,
flanked with robes of sanctity,
a sheath concealed for His wife alone.

A man's body as a sign
would be utterly incomplete, save for two others:
the arms of a compassionate soul
and the diadem of the crown—His mind of reason.

Found in strength when combined with His bosom,
He defends the defenseless;
He consoles the distressed.
His defined structure beckons His Beloved
to find a heart redressed!

A man's mind forms the jewel of the crown,
His hair the capstone of this diadem.
Inside He forms His thoughts,
directs His heart and braces His shoulders
to carry His cross, to die to Himself,
for His Beloved, for His everything.

II. Renewed Eve

A woman's form is a grace-filled sign
to Her Beloved to initiate their mutual embrace.
She beckons Him with a figure elusive,
a form that drives Him mad with passion
to form the union destined to be.

Her curves invite Her Beloved
to the Banquet of life-giving embrace,
to rest in Her life-sustaining bosom,
to bring Him to propose a new life together as One.

A woman's form beckons Her Betrothed
to warmly caress with firm but gentle hands
the giving heart of the mother of His children-to-be.
Laid bare, the woman opens to Her Betrothed
a body to explore with love and tender care.

Her bosom beckons Him with its free movement,
where children-to-be will gather under Her care.
Her bosom bounds to and fro
as Her Betrothed approaches with gentle care.

Before God the Betrothed are stripped bare,
not out of lust but out of love,
a love open fully, faithfully, fruitfully, and freely
to the marriage bed's promise of God's children,
to love once again renewed!

Her gentle waist, too, leaves testimony
to Her mother's life-giving pain,
to a quiet beauty that bridges
the love above and the love below.

Her waist girds Her hips,
which serves as a gateway
of Her selfless giving and receiving,
of life sustained in a fruitful love.

Her innate beauty at once bestowed
leaves Her Beloved in breathless awe,
as He rightfully beholds His Creator's love outpoured.
His righteousness refuses ownership of God's own making,
only to receive the Gift given fully, faithfully, fruitfully, freely.

Her twin talcum pillars of grace,
Her innermost hidden reaches of beauty,
remain veiled but for that moment,
that betrothed moment of Her Beloved's embrace.

There She remains, beauty in Her face
with eyes lit like oil lamps full,
waiting on the Bridegroom's return.

Her flowing hair rests rich in beauty
Ready to wipe clean with mercy's tears
And veil Her thoughts for the day of Communion,
Communion with Her Beloved near.

III. The Guide to a Sign Even Greater

And so God destined us woman and man.
For He knew that man needed a helpmate,
and in this very sign of love
we see one another even clearer;
we see a sign even greater.

We are not our own,
rather we are the Other's.
In love we are to give
as He has so fully given.

In love we are to die
to ourselves for the Other.
We are not our own.
We are for the Other.

In love, He stripped bare Himself,
that Sacrifice of all sacrifices,
once and for all time,
a sacrifice for our sins.

The images preceding
thus are washed in the Water,
are thus renewed—
By definition, a foretaste of the Banquet
that it points to above.

This is the body and the soul,
One in the Other,
the Other in the One.
This is the Body and Soul exposed.

Passion can only lead us
to two different paths,
one of descending depths,
one to the heights above.

Let us always remember
Love is never for its own sake;
it's for another fully.
It cannot be divorced from the Beloved.

And so it is—
either hot or cold—
there is no lukewarm.

Must you be afire
be fully as He is fully.
Do not settle for the reject image,
of "love" taken but not given.

It is not love but lust,
an impostor beyond compare.
It chokes out the Original;
choked to death, the Original dies.

Let the Lord be your guide;
He remains there before us, now risen.
Risen yet with scars of sacrifice that remain,
He guides us on the Way—scars all the same.

Do I Hear the Music?

2010-04-26T23:51:00.001-05:00

Do I hear the Music;
Do I hear it play?
Do I hear the Music,
This, our wedding day?

Yes, I hear the Music;
I hear the Music play.
Yes, I hear the Music,
This, our wedding day.

Today echoes the joys to come,
The joys of a victory already won;
Today echoes eternity's shore,
Where pain and sadness are no more.

I hear the Music play,
As my heart leaps for joy,
A joy not my own,
A joy that is the Lord's.

I hear the Music play,
As my eyes weep with joy,
As my eyes soak in the beauty,
The beauty that is not mine to own!

I hear the Music play
A tune joyful but sharp.
This road, this road has not been easy;
It has been one from out of the Dark.

I hear the Music play,
And all, all passes away.
No, this is the beginning, the beginning of something greater,
Of what was once separate, now made whole.

And so tears of joy roll forth,
Flowing to eternity's shore,
Returning to the Lord fulfilled
A heart made for One.

Yes, I hear the Music;
I hear the Music play.
Yes, I hear the Music,
This, our wedding day.

For This I Cannot Sleep

2010-03-27T23:58:00.005-05:00

For this I cannot sleep,
For this I cannot rest—
My mind races to be with Him,
And finally sleep comes at once.

For this I cannot sleep—
What is this, my offering,
To God with all good grace?
Am I enough to run this blessed race?

For this I cannot sleep—
One step, then another,
On the pavement my feet go,
On they run, run to spread the word.

For this I cannot sleep—
I, a new Pheidippides, run—
To proclaim the Good News you seek,
"Yes, the battle has already been won!"
For this I cannot sleep!

To whom should these words spread,
If not to all, to all from the Head—
My breath remains heavy—
My muscles ache so weary—
For this I cannot sleep!

For this I cannot sleep,
A world lost, believing the lies
A world found, found in a mirage—
A world that has always defied—
For this I cannot sleep!

Is this a dream?
—a nightmare?
Is this reality—
Fought from freedom?
For this I cannot sleep!

A world where love is not love
And "truth" is what you make—
The world asleep and I awake—
For this I cannot sleep!

Shipwrecked

2010-03-24T23:40:00.003-05:00

A thousand prayers shipwrecked,
But not without love or thought, nor even deed...
I pray, we pray, for a world without any other need,
A world without the feeling lost,
The knowledge that each is completely and fully loved.

The tide comes in, wave after wave...
The crash of wave, the egress of love...
The crash of wave, whisper of what is now gone.

Shoals of doubt, left me here...
Here, to ponder what—who—has gone...
What drove them from these shores?

These shores were where I was to land,
But those landing parties have gone,
Far have they left—now only silence.

Page to page, these words flip,
An old dusty tome, a ragged binding,
These words—they captivate.

Words of passion, of concern,
They settle to form in place
Here and there, sent forth;
These words, they go forth.

How are they to have meaning,
These words that were not mine first?
"Perfect love casts out fear..."

Or another, from the Garden,
Where His blood first was shed—
"If Thou will... Take this cup from me... thy will be done!"
Quench not my own but the Other's thirst!

The waves wash over—
Salt enters the wounds—
How deep does the fear go!

Let my words be yes, be fiat—
Let these words speak for me, for her—
Let them settle deep within our souls!

Work within us a story already told!
Work within us a "Yes" among a multitude!
Work within us our own Magnificat!

These my words, yet still,
Ring hollow, without full meaning
'Til the Other is beside me...
Beside me to love only You.

Until then, I remain shipwrecked,
Finding no rest, finding only You.

Neither Love nor Truth Impose Themselves...

2010-03-19T03:00:00.002-05:00

"He is Love and Truth, and neither love nor truth impose themselves; they knock at the door of the heart and mind and, where allowed in, they bring peace and joy." - Pope Benedict XVI

Yes, there is no imposition of love and of truth. It cannot be. And yet, this world is so devoid of both, love and truth—love in truth and truth in love—what beauty is there when beauty in the two together is not separated? It cannot be my question alone. One, two, hundreds, thousands—all of us—ask this question in our hearts and, whether or not we admit it—some do—to God. Simply a vocation of love is not enough. It must be rooted in the Truth. And, yet, I still wrestle with all of this. This rise, this fall.

How is it, this world with its unrest, its angst and hatred, cannot see its connectedness? We are all one! Why not the unity, the solidarity of hearts and minds? Why cannot we put down the differences, the hatreds, the bombs, the terrors? Cannot we live as one? This world is too much, too much to be itself alone. It cannot be all. Cruelty has its end. Hatred has its end. Death has its end. It is not all.

And this is where the testimony to Love and Truth—love in Truth and truth in Love—comes to pass. It comes to raise body and soul from the depths, from the deepest recesses of heart and mind. It comes to bind us to the vocation set. It comes to bind us to both truth and to love. It anchors hearts on the steadfast truth found in Christ; it gives the soul another way.

It gives the soul its invitation to do the same and to never look back. And this is grace, grace from God: to accept the invitation to love in truth.

Peace be with you.

Dear Woman

2010-03-06T01:55:00.002-06:00

Dear woman,
Bring me home,
Bring me back,
Back to where I belong.

Dear woman,
Let me in.

Let me come in,
Out of the cold,
Out of the dark.

Dear woman,
Let me in.

I am not perfect,
I am not monumental,
No, I am poor.

Dear woman,
Let me in.

I cannot promise the world
Or all the riches in it,
Only the love needed,
Needed to say "Yes"
As you say "Yes."

Dear woman,
Let me in.

Let us serve Him,
Let us live with His Love,
Let us turn to His grace.

Dear woman,
Let me in.

I come not to conquer,
I come to live,
To win with you the blessed race.

Dear woman,
Let me in.

I will wait for you,
In the cold,
In the dark,
In the veiled courts,
I will wait for you.

Dear woman,
Let me in.

My song is not boastful,
My song is not conceited,
My song is not inflated,
My song goes out to you.

Dear woman,
Let me in.

My song is not my own,
For we see now in partial,
What will be later fully known,
Yet still this is my song for you:

Dear woman,
Let me in.

I know not why this chord
Replays itself, time eterne,
To bring Him ever near:

Dear woman,
Let me in.

It's the words that haunt me,
That tear from me a bone, a rib,
That makes each of us one, one flesh.

Dear woman,
Let me in.

When the perfect comes,
The imperfect will pass away,
Only these words to remain:

Dear woman,
Let me in.

Dear woman,
Bring me home,
Bring me back,
Back to where we belong.

Dear woman,
Let us love—
He will show the Way.

We Mustn't Fall in Love...

2010-03-01T23:33:00.003-06:00

We mustn't fall in love, we must rise in it. Love is the search for truth and beauty. If it is indeed such a search, where else must we go than up, rising to the Heavens? Such things in time we learn do exist.

This world may give the appearance of running like clockwork, on its 24/7 rotation of endless schedules of always running, always on-time. However, this world runs not on the consistent humdrum of efficient interaction, but rather on everyday miracles of grace and moments of wonder and inspiration. For as the world cannot prosper without the drenching rains of doubt, it cannot blossom without the everlasting rays of Light and the roaring fires of Love, covering all of Creation. Life depends on both doubt—and through it, tested and enduring faith—as well as Love to carry on.

Life needs both the waters of doubt-tested faith to remove and the fires of Love to completely consume, not one thing or another in our lives or our world—but all! To cover all of it, the world over, in a mantle of love in an all-consuming fire... not of destruction but a mantle engulfing with a Passion, a love in its purest of forms, as gold tested in fire. So is love in its purest of forms. So the search continues for truth and beauty, for truth in beauty and beauty in truth, but the truth is it has already been found. We must only have the eyes to see it in the world in front of us. It is there. Always. Always, it is there.

Be fearless to spread this fire to the world. For in spreading this mantle, we rise in love. And this is the most beautiful thing we can do, to be fearless in the Love of Christ and to never, never turn back. To always do what most pleases Him, to do what best gives us greater intimacy with Him. We love the Other not because of vanity or self-preservation. No, we love the Other, whether in singularity of eros or magnanimity of philos and agape, because of the gift God has given to each of us, even when the road may be dry and distant and the journey seemingly lost. We love Him because he first loved us.

We must rise in love.

Confession

2010-02-26T14:53:00.000-06:00

In my loneliness,
I have reached out.
In my pain,
I have sought dry wells of grace.

I have sought things,
Things that are not my own,
Things I should have not,
Things that do not satisfy the thirst.

In my loneliness,
I have have failed one; I have failed all.
In my pain,
I have sought an empty place.

In my sorrow,
I have run.
In my pain,
I have run from guideposts of grace.

I have run from hearts,
Hearts ready to love,
Hearts ready to give,
Hearts filled with good things.

In my sorrow,
I fall down.
In my pain,
I fall to my knees.

Forgive me, Lord:
It is You whom I seek.

At the Icy Gates

2010-02-16T07:00:00.001-06:00

At the icy gates
There I stand
With thought and with prayer,
With heart and outstretched hands.

I think no better of myself
Than those behind these gates
Tempted by the same temptations,
Awash in my own fate.

At these gates I pray,
Pray for the little ones
And those who know not,
Who know not what they do,
Those who think themselves alone.

The darkness abounds;
The icy winds have their grip.
Prayers and presence melt not the ice
As the call leaves my chapped lips:
"You are not alone; His Love will suffice."

His Love will take us back;
His Love will melt that ice,
Tear us from our selfish pride;
His Love will suffice.

At the icy gates
There we will stand.
Won't you take my hand,
Dear woman,
Dear man...
His Love will suffice.

At the icy gates
His Love will prevail...
His Love will melt the ice...
His Love will melt the fear...
His Love will suffice.

At the icy gates
His Love will suffice.

A Thousand Sunsets

2010-02-12T16:44:00.002-06:00

A thousand sunsets
Guide us to You,
To glory, to grace,
To mercy and joy in You.

Speak to us now,
In prayer and speech,
The words of the Past,
In the Word that You speak.

A heart meek and mild
Have You sought us to be;
My heart and hers, we pray:
Guide us, O Lord, to the Word that You teach.

Leave us not in darkness,
Out of touch, out of reach,
Guide each our hearts to You,
In both word and in deed.

Speak, O Lord, speak
To each of us in turn
Of the Glory You've done,
The Glory already given.

Turn our hearts toward
The Light You now give us;
Speak to us the Truth
That He shall never leave us.

Let our words be faithful,
Our actions ever true,
To center our hearts and minds
Forever and always on You.

Let our "Yes" never be hollow,
Empty, or ring untrue;
Let us forever say "Yes, Lord—
Yes, Lord, we do."

May each day remind us of this very Vow,
Not to each of us alone, but to You this moment now,
So that when we share the next thousand,
Its light may ever lead us to You—
Forever and always to You.

A thousand sunsets—
Binding and blinding—
Always shining—
Forever to You.

Home

2010-01-24T01:33:00.001-06:00

Whether fractured or new,
What makes a home a home
Is the love found in you,
And what love is there in another!

Home, gift of place and of hearth—
Special memories, a family to start—
Yet not just family but self in other
And other in self.

Home, blessed home, where life starts,
Sacred space, sanctified with new life.
Life nurtured from womb to heart
And heart to vocation,
Nursery of the Faith of the Ages!

Blessings are found even if far,
Far from where the love starts,
Found in distance and nearness,
Found with love and generosity of self.

Gift of self gives a home its start,
But more is needed for the flame to keep its warmth,
Fuel for the sacrifice of self in other
And other in self, kindling for the beautiful warmth of the Light.

The Wood of the sacrifice must be center
For the blessings of joy and of mercy to enter,
But more—much more—burning hearts desire
Not of own but all of other than self,
Of other in Christ.

Love shapes the way
To heart and home,
To the warmth of the Light,
And guides one's way back home.

Within it though wistful,
Memory's joys play sight
And in them a warmth of heart
Brings back to mind Love Divine, our soul's delight.

Home finds its way,
To hearts our very own,
Not simply for a longing, of where we've been this day
And before—but for places where we yet go.

For even since our first day we have known
This place, our true place—
Heaven, this is our true Home.
Let us return Home.

Identity

2009-12-31T20:45:00.002-06:00

Birth to breath,
Breath to voice,
Voice to Word,
Word to Love,
Love to Act,
Act to You.
Identity, birth anew.

How shall I pen
What wells forth,
From Creator to Creation,
The love that dwells within since my breath begun?

Vision after vision, the Image—
The Gift that is His alone.
How can I not be impassioned—
To share with you as One?

He calls me; He tugs at me
To make anew a home.
To share with you a love,
One that, in Him, will never be undone.

This is what drives a man mad:
Not the image of the passing,
Of the imperfect lusts, the passing,
No, the vision, the beauty of the everlasting.

It sets in him a fire of devotion,
Turns his heart end over end in pure commotion,
Demands of him to turn over all,
To hold fast to what is true and what is beautiful.

The man loses not himself in this battle,
This battle of self and of love,
No, the man gains all
In this race of sacrificial love.

He conquers not, he fails not
In this battle to love;
He loses not his identity,
To love with the Creator the One.

It is in this very identity
That this man was once born,
But it is also the identity that with the Other
He shall pass to daughter and to son.

This is the identity that the Father gives the Son,
That I must do and I must follow,
To love You—only You—
With a heart made for One.

Such a Night to Believe

2009-12-24T23:30:00.006-06:00

"For even they who were scornful on that day of small beginnings shall rejoice to see the select stone in the hands of Zerubbabel. These seven facets are the eyes of the LORD that range over the whole earth." - Zechariah 4:10

Christmas, of all the seasons and times of the year, proves to be a time of both the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. It was such at the time of the birth of Jesus and since that very time.

The beauty inspired by that singular birth has driven so many to the Greater Good, to our God of peace. How could such beauty be born in the meekest of means? How can such a night of darkness bear to birth such a glorious morn of Light?

It is the very same that brings forth new life in the face of the redeeming act in the Resurrection. This is why Mass is celebrated on Christmas Eve, on the cusp of Christmas Day—Christ's Mass. It is birth anew.

Birth is brought forth from the Virgin Mother and Breath gives way to Voice, and the Voice does not go unheard. His Voice takes form to give us the Word that has always been and always will be. And this Word is Love. This is why this Night of all nights goodwill among men is shown. Love has been born.

However, Love cannot be separated from the Act—or the lack thereof. The Act must be there. The Perfect Yes—such as the "Yes" of the Blessed Virgin Mother, Our Mother, Mary did at the Annunciation. Without the Annunciation there would be no Nativity and without the Nativity, no Calvary. And without Calvary there would be no "You." Our very life would be without order and without Love, Love Divine.

We must reach this Identity and pass this Identity to one another, to share this Identity to one and all but most especially in our vocation and station in life.

How can a heart not be impassioned this Night above all other nights? How can a heart and soul not believe in the Promise of God the Father for His children, lost and abandoned to a world lost in oppression, pain, and sorrow?

This is where the choruses raising this evening find voice to sing of this Holy Night, to sing of the Night when Christ was born.

This is the Night of our Identity, our birth anew. Rejoice! May glad tidings and goodwill be sought and found this day, but not just this day but every—that we may live our Identity each and every day—to be Love, to mirror God who is Love.

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God.
All things came to be through him, and without him nothing came to be.
What came to be through him was life, and this life was the light of the human race; the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." - John 1:1-5

Reflections

2009-10-24T23:26:00.003-05:00

Water's edge, faces are found
What one finds, not alone
Worthy wishes of want and desire,
Waiting on the time, Love Divine.

A hand reaches out, touching
The water's surface, unsettling
The image given of love, of other
And of other in self.

Water's edge, changing what was
Shows something even more,
Love in the other to be reflected,
Love once in glass, now shattered.

A tear falls down, sadness dropping
Water shakes, water roils from below
Ripples run, in all directions
The hearts fail to love as one.

Water's edge clears to a new scene,
One of searching hearts, one of longing:
Two faces, one place—both fighting—
Fighting for the safety of grace, of something more.

Reflections found, something more
Desires of heart, patience in heart.
Seeking hearts, one place
All in all, Truth in Love.

Reflections of love,
Truth in the flesh.

If I Could Dream a Dream

2009-09-21T00:45:00.001-05:00

If I could dream a dream, I would dream one of you. We do these things and the other things not because they are easy, but because they are hard. If I could, I would right now, dream beyond this world and place, to another, to a far different place. If I could muster a voice strong enough, innovative enough, I would voice one strong enough for you.

If I could go to the Moon and snatch it, from the deepest reaches of the mind, and grab it, I would bring it to you— no different, no surprising than a smile before your face. If I could, I would fight the darkness that abounds, the battles that are found. I would fight them for you.

If I could do nothing more than love you, to bring everything before you, I would. I would bring every last morsel, every drop to drink. I would bring them to you. If I could gather all to you under the roof of love and sustain you because of this, I would. I would bear all things for you.

If I could be light for your light, to bring that light to this world of darkness, I would. I would carry it forward, to every crevasse, every valley, every pit of darkness. If I could, I would carry it for you. If I could in all I do, I would be light for you.

If I could be love for your love, a smiling face, a turn of grace—one to love in your very place—I would bring them all, all of them to love. If I could be love, then maybe I would understand. I would understand your plan. If I could be love, then I would understand.

If I could understand the world, its ways, its many shades of gray, what would I stand to lose in you? If I could stand beneath this waterfall of grace, would I not be washed from my pain? If I could stand with you, I would sing with a voice renewed, a voice in Truth.

If I could stand firm with your grace, I would spread your fragrance to every place. With every step, let me stay with you. If I could bring the world to you, I would. If I trust you in all steps lit by lamp, I would be secure in each step. If I would only trust, I would find the path to you.

If I could find that voice, one of love to give, one strong enough to live each day secure, I would be strong enough, strong enough for you. If I could dream the dream of love, I would dream one of you. I would dream a dream of you.

Always Breathe

2009-09-09T01:48:00.003-05:00

Always breathe in the breath that God gave you...
Always breathe in the Life God intends for you...
Always give the breath of Life to others that God plans through you...
Always breathe in the Life, even if it's hard to remember to keep on breathing.

Poetry is nothing more than breathing put to words—the exhalations of thoughts put to rhythm and rhyme to exclaim the joys of the Divine.

The Vianney File

2009-08-16T20:25:00.000-05:00

Below is what I've decided to call "The Vianney File." It's a series of four poems that I wrote during a visit to Houston for the dramatic performance Vianney about St. John Vianney. Sitting in the pew at the premiere, I wrote the following poems with my own voice but also with an attentive ear to St. John Vianney's life and his voice, specifically Vianney's love for the Eucharist and Confession.

In the first, Sanctus, I explore the timelessness of the Sacrifice and the words tied to it, specifically, "Sanctus." This one was written during the opening hymn before the performance. The sacred music did so much to raise my soul to write these words.

In the second, Moment of Grace, I have attempted to link the Eucharist and the necessary Reconciliation for that communion. I've also explored here some of the sacramental life in general that all Catholics are called to. This one came in rapid succession to the first. It also acts as a personal prayer of thanksgiving through the line "Soul rejoices over the Other." It is, in fact, a thanksgiving for the communion of persons shared that evening from the community of St. Mary's in College Station. The moments of grace and the moments of love are one in the same.

In the third, Weeping in Love, I explore a phrase used during the production by St. John Vianney: "Weeping in love." It's something Vianney did often, and through this poem I try to emulate with dignity. He did indeed find little rest, but it was because he emulated Jesus in giving of himself to his flock, to his loved ones. And so we must do, in our little ways, also.

The fourth, Faithful Families, is a poem of appeal. It is an appeal that was veiled in the historical nature of Vianney's time as well as ours today—the growing secularism of society and the general godlessness of today. This poem is meant as an arousal from the doldrums of our faith. It is a call to action.

If we do not rise to be of faithful families, how are we to go forth and positively change the world? Can it be done if we do not root ourselves first in the Faith? Love cannot be broached by lustful desire, and rightly so only the water He gives brings forth Eternal Life. His love does cover a multitude of sins, and, in this poem, the prayer goes forth for all to return to the fold.

The fourth poem took the longest to compose, seeing as the natural light in the Sanctuary disappeared as the performance continued on, but like ones before this one it was brought to fruition later before the Blessed Sacrament. Even so, I am nearly certain there will be more poems of the sort to fill this file, maybe some more trivial, but what matters most is not the secondary messenger but the Message itself. Here they are, as of yet...

Sanctus

What words to describe,
Life, love—timeless in sight...
What glory given—
Words, those words: Sanctus!

What joy in communion,
Faithful wonder and mystery,
Timeless joy in oneness—
Faithful communion, Sanctus!

What wonder in love,
Faceless and seen all the same,
What wonder in sight—
The moment becomes eternal, Sanctus!

What gift in love—
Blessed Communion in Spirit,
Blessed Communion in Host,
Blessed Communion in the Other,
Blessed Communion in Love!
Sanctus, Sanctus, Sanctus!

Moment of Grace

Moment of grace,
Moment of love—
Absolution from the Mark,
Communion face-to-face!

Spirit graces Soul,
Soul rejoices over the Other,
Spirit and Soul soar skyward—
Soul speaks His Glory.

What gift immeasurable, the Moment
No length of time can compare
Where love and grace meet—
The Soul that is spared.

What glory to speak, a mystery
Without fear, without worry—
Perfect love casts out fear,
Soul rejoices over the Other.

Moment of grace,
Moment Eternal,
What love to revere!
Soul speaks His Glory!

Movement of heart,
From stone to life,
Where grasp is turned to gift,
Gift of face-to-face.

Heart Afire, Heart of Glory,
Speak to us now,
Speak to us with gift of grace,
Communion face-to-face!

Moment upon moment,
United through the moments
To love in the Moment—
To see His Glory face-to-face.

Weeping in Love

Weeping in love,
Immeasurable grief,
Abandonment to God's will,
Dependence in His Providence.

Weeping in love,
Fighting the tears,
What of my direction?
Am I even near?

Weeping in love,
Turning all to Him,
Leaving all behind,
Turning to His Grace.

Weeping in love,
Finding no rest,
No rest for the weary,
Only rest in Him.

Weeping in love,
No conversion without price,
No victory without defeat,
No joy without grief.

Weeping in love,
God fills in the lacking,
The missing He restores;
God gives His Love Restored.

Weeping in love,
All hearts are to be,
Given to the Other
In perfect harmony.

Weeping in love,
That is who we are to be.

Faithful Families

Family of the living,
Family of the past,
What have you done,
Forsaking all the past?

Where is thy devotion,
Where is thy love?
Where are your hearts
That are supposed to be burning with love?

In the brothels,
In the dens—
With wanton looks,
With the multitude of sins!

What choice is there
When love is broached
By lustful desire to be filled
And yet never is fully filled?

No amount of water
Will slake your deadly thirst,
Unless you drink of His water,
Unless you let Him love you first.

His love covers the multitude of sins;
The many souls He saves.
His love does this all;
The whole world He saves.

Don't you get this,
The magnitude of this message?
Don't you understand it,
The Truth in this Age?

He covers all in His love.
Return O families to Him.
With all mercy He restores,
By the Father's right hand, it is Him.

Grace upon grace,
No matter the distress,
Build a Civilization of Love—
Build on Him, the Mighty Fortress.

Faithful families rise up,
Let us pray fervently—
Pray for those lost souls—
Pray for His love to forever take hold—
Pray for mercy, mercy to behold—
Pray that all may return to the fold.

An Addendum: Catholic Ethos

2009-08-16T14:22:00.002-05:00

I've come across something more to add to the last posting and would like to offer an addendum and an expansion to further magnify what was already stated on a Catholic political ethos.

As it was read from the Gospel according to St. John this Sunday:

Jesus said to them, "Amen, amen, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you do not have life within you. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him on the last day. For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me and I in him. Just as the living Father sent me and I have life because of the Father, so also the one who feeds on me will have life because of me. This is the bread that came down from heaven. Unlike your ancestors who ate and still died, whoever eats this bread will live forever." ( John 6:53-58)

To summarize and distill Jesus' words here and, as it were, also the call to all Christians in its very essence: "In brief, the Eucharist is the sum and summary of our faith: 'Our way of thinking is attuned to the Eucharist, and the Eucharist in turn confirms our way of thinking.'" (CCC 1327). These words, "Our way of thinking is attuned to the Eucharist, and the Eucharist in turn confirms our way of thinking," come to us from St. Irenaeus in the Second Century A.D.—before the Schism of East and West, before the Protestant Reformation. The question we must ask now is, why aren't we fully living it in every aspect of our lives? The Church is not stating in her teaching that it is merely our religious thinking or our political thinking. Her teaching states clearly our thinking ought to be attuned to the Eucharist, to His Sacrifice—where time and space are spanned.

This is the Catholic Ethos: the Eucharist.

In Response: A Catholic Political Ethos

2009-08-15T23:35:00.006-05:00

I was sent a convincing collection of U.S. state constitution preambles in the context of questioning President Barack Obama's 2009 words in Turkey: "We do not consider ourselves a Christian nation or a Jewish nation or a Muslim nation. We consider ourselves a nation of citizens who are bound by ideals and a set of values."

The preambles of the constitutions use an explicit declaration of an "Almighty God" and even the Virginia Declaration of Rights states in its Article XVI: "That religion, or the duty which we owe to our Creator and the manner of discharging it, can be directed by reason and conviction, not by force or violence; and therefore, all men are equally entitled to the free exercise of religion, according to the dictates of conscience; and that it is the mutual duty of all to practice Christian forbearance, love, and charity towards each other."

I am neither going to agree or disagree with the President's words or those of the author of the e-mail I received regarding them. However, the Virginia Declaration of Right's words speak to the duty we have in our view of society and of government in general. I wish to claim it necessary, as such, to view—and thus to to judge—the whole of American society through this particular lens.

Whether or not we were, are, are going to be a Christian nation...the first thing that must be done and instilled in our civics classes is that we have the right as citizens to the exercise of our religious beliefs, which does not mean a shirking of religion from the public square. Rather, it is a healthy expression (not coercion) of religious belief. And, in that, we are to live out the free will we were given since the time of Creation and thus reiterated, time and time again, in the preambles of our state constitutions and echoed countless times through our country's existence—that a country's citizens have a right to not be coerced but to live with one's countrymen in peace and prosperity. That we are truly endowed with the inalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

Freedom of religion (or more rightly stated as freedom from an established state religion) does not equate to freedom from the existence any religion in the public square of the State. If this were to be the case, then the citizen's liberty has been trampled upon and the citizen's pursuit of happiness been halted dead in its tracks.

All men practice religion, but only few actually know what or whom they worship. It's often money, fame, or simply the vain pursuits of life. However, the true virtue of man is to look beyond one's own happiness and see the common good, the common thread in his fellow man. The true practice of religion is to see God's graces in His humanity and His creation and see the Sacrifice He instituted, once and for all time, for the salvation of Man—for the life, the liberty, and the happiness all men deeply long for. It is because of this Sacrifice and the awe of one's gifted existence which flows from this Sacrifice that they are called to true worship, not because of coercion of belief or because of mere labels.

Only once our countrymen actually live up to this calling, to this rugged individualism balanced with a responsible love can we even dare to even call ourselves a "Christian" nation in both word and deed. Only then can we be fully proud to be Americans.

Listen to what Ronald Reagan has to say: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yS4yf723kmY

Patriotism is not meant to be blind. It must be informed, informed not just with thoughtfulness and knowledge but also compassion for one's fellow man. There is no freedom without sacrifice. Freedom exists because of sacrifice.

As Pope John Paul II once said: "As the family goes, so goes the nation and so goes the whole world in which we live." We must change this country not by political speeches but by change in one family at a time. We are called to be missionaries to the secular world. It is in this missionary work that true change can—and will occur. All we must do is put our Hope in the correct place and be the change through Him who sent us—and do all this with perfect confidence in His love.

------

In chapter three of the Georgetown University Press book by Charles E. Curran, Catholic Moral Theology in the United States: a History, pages 77 to 78, the censured Curran makes an interesting deduction: that American constitutionalism as found in the prevailing inalienable rights "is in continuity with medieval constitutionalism" (78).

All other questions of Curran the theologian aside, the first two paragraphs on American political consensus are a good read. As St. Paul said in 1 Thessalonians 5:21: "Test everything; retain what is good"!

Among the Foothills

2009-07-25T16:44:00.002-05:00

Among the foothills
Through the silence found,
I look out upon Your Creation,
What beauty to be found.

Among the foothills
Through the scene unfolded,
I see all You have made,
What handiwork unfolded.

Among the foothills
Through the trees of doubt,
I look upon Your forest of Love,
What Love even through doubt.

Among the foothills
Through the turmoil below,
I see all the joy You have given,
What joy in Faith, Hope, and Love bestowed!

Among the foothills
Through the eyes of Faith known,
I look upon Your field of Hope,
What seeds of Hope have You sewn!

Among the foothills
Through the seeds planted,
I see Your will for me unfold,
What plan so blessed have You planted!

Among the foothills
Through every scene ever told,
I look upon Your hand in it all,
What movements of grace, what hand to hold!

Among the foothills
Through this forest clearing,
I see You through it all,
What beauty in every holy being.

Among the foothills
Through this moment of time,
I look upon the sweeping vista,
What life so richly sublime.

Among the foothills
I see You in my Call,
I see You working—
Pushing my heart closer to Thine.

By the River's Edge

2009-07-17T00:30:00.002-05:00

Voices carry
And travel down
The darkness found
By the river's edge.

The waters dance
With glowing oranges,
And ripples bounce
By the river's edge.

The flowing water,
Heard not seen,
Enters the mind
By the river's edge.

Crickets, frogs lend voice
To a symphony for two,
One star-lit view,
By the river's edge.

The stars overhead
Peak in and out,
Blanketing us with joy;
There is no moonlight tonight
Down by the river's edge.

A cypress stands before us
Framed by passing clouds,
Darkest black on orange,
Down by the river's edge.

Perched on stones
In the river's course
We open ourselves to the other;
By the water's edge we discourse.

We look to the stars
And to the still water,
To the tree before us
And a distant light afar.

What distant light is this,
This one around the bend?
Is it a man or creature
At the water's edge?

How can I forget this,
This night of distant light?
What inward search, what sight
Did those words bring out?

I wish this light would stay,
Never, never to depart.
What probing, what faint light
By the river's edge.

Come back to me,
To that very night.
Let's return again anew
To that search, for all that was said
By the river's edge.

Take Me Away

2009-06-10T02:22:00.003-05:00

Take me away
To a dance floor,
To a simpler world...
Take me with you.

Take me away
One night at a time,
One waltz at a time...
Take me with you.

Take me away
One step at a time,
Down the dance floor...
Take me with you.

Take me away
In your arms
As we glide across the floor...
Take me with your touch.

Take me away
With each step,
With each turn...
Take me with your passion.

Take me away
With the music
That fills each of us...
Take me with your joy.

Take me away
With your deep pools,
Those unfathomable pools of green...
Take me with your eyes.

Take me away
To a simpler world,
One without so many questions...
Take me to a world with you.

Take me away
With each measure,
With each beat...
Take my whole heart.

Take me away,
Never to return
To a time before you,
Only to a world completely new...

Take me away—
Take me with you.

Stretched

2009-06-06T01:30:00.000-05:00

One step is taken,
Then—another...
One step after another,
We, ourselves, in the Other.

This journey is not short,
Nor is it endless.
This journey depends on—
It depends on love.

His face is ever before us—
Before us He stands.
His face shines in the Other,
In the Other with outstretched hands.

This road is not easy—
Ease is not its reason.
This road depends on—
It depends on love.

Love is rarely easy—
It requires hope...
It requires faith...

It requires a ready model...
It requires a heart completely stretched...
It requires a heart poured out in love.

Yellow Rose

2009-05-30T04:10:00.002-05:00

For a day adorned in white,
For a day celebration.
For a moment all stands still,
For a moment pure elation.

Given to the Other,
Of once two, now one light.
Given in full sight,
At once now together.

Banners float above;
Yellow banners run.
From arch to arch they run,
Signifying the new love begun.

Yellow Rose of love,
See the beauty this day,
See the love joined today,
See the graces bestowed from above.

Yellow Rose of love,
Know that love isn't for a moment
But all times, all places—
Forever a co-author of God’s graces.

Yellow Rose of love
Beneath the Spanish arch,
Stay with this moment,
Stay with it for all time.

Yellow Rose of love,
The time of pruning again will come;
The time will come to be pruned with love—
Be pruned with His love.

Yellow Rose of love,
Remain in His love,
Bear the fruit He gives now,
And blossom in the sun of day.

Yellow Rose of love,
Blossom for the world today.

Thoughts in Strange Space

2009-05-16T05:25:00.006-05:00

Sleep has refused my mind right now, and of all the thoughts that race through my mind the vision of an overflowing fountain where all the water cannot be contained is the one. It overflows abundantly. Such is the case of my mind and heart right now. How can I keep each of these moments these past days, past weeks, and past months? I cannot. They are bound to escape into the ether, into the darkness of night. They are as elusive as of the dreams that are dreamt each night. They are probably even more heartbreaking because they are brought into consciousness in the first place.

But is it worse to have encountered a joyous moment and forgot it or to never have had that joy, that love at all? A time-worn thought indeed, it is not without worthy consideration here at this juncture. How can I not consider it now? It is a time of transition, of shifting priorities, of new directions, of new loves. And yet I leave with a profound emptiness, a distinct and utter hole that I had not recognized when I came to this place six years ago.

Even so, it was meant to be discovered now—not a moment sooner. It was meant to be discovered at this moment, at this very moment in time. No sooner, no later.

The profundities I speak now and have spoken before, the drama of my heart and mind do nothing for my own ego; they should not. I don't write for my own sake, for my own ego—though at times I feel I do. I do not create to necessarily extend my own posterity. And this is where I take some issue with a particular day being "my own" or some writing "my own creation." No, it is not mine alone though it is created within my own free will and effort and hand. There is something more beyond this present reality. There is a reality beneath it, a much more sublime and profound reality.

To borrow and transpose in a personal analogous way from Albert Einstein's General Theory of Relativity, my actions and resulting effects—the accomplishments—are the effects on the time-space fabric. There is only so much that we can do, say, and be there for in this world at the present moment. Even more fleeting are the thinking moments we have, the recollections and preponderances of the future ahead. This limitation has its place as well, for it would be ill-conceived to hope that the analogous "gravitational" effects of the largess of the given "mass" of the moment, so to speak again in a borrowed conceptual model, would overpower the present reality. If that were accomplished, we'd go skipping off into oblivion. There are set tracks for good reason. Anti-matter isn't necessarily a good thing, is it? And so we are presented with a set amount of resources of mind, body, and spirit. What do we do with these talents?

Those who reject the faith component of life may not so easily recognize this jump in conceptual understanding of the universe. And to me there is a great deal of sadness to this reality. The metaphysical reality, as it were, cannot be explained away as fanciful, wishful thinking. There is something more to this, much more. And if it weren't, we'd only be "guilty" of thinking so highly upon our own feeble intellects, so much so to "invent" a compassionate, personal God. However, it is here at this very intersection of faith and reason that I see the most logic. The construct's open world nature gives the best conceptual mapping between mental reality and physical reality. There is an unknown variable that is missing in the closed world set, which is of the utmost importance.

It could be true; it could not be true. It is unknown. The closed world assumption considers it false until proven true. While this understanding is good in the case of court proceedings ("innocent until proven guilty"), it does not bode well for the area of science—an interconnected area of theories to be proven and disproven. There is a web of connectedness between human judicial law, scientific theories and law, and Divine law at its very basics. There are many specifics of faith that are improvable to reason's standard. Most of these questions fall under the subject line of "Why did it happen this way?" These shouldn't be ignored in one's personal journey and search for Truth, but it shouldn't be a stumbling block for discovery of true wisdom and not just merely human knowledge. The divine fingerprints are there.

The complexities of our physical reality, the depth to the specific creation—beautiful, beastly, and befuddling at differing situations—make for a difficult case to dissuade the religious, spiritual person of the Truth found in the Creator God. It is there, real or imagined. Each person goes through their own mental wanderings as we are disposed to at our given intellectual level. And even so, this doesn't preclude other levels of understanding, knowledge, or communication just because it isn't present. The theoretical of science—wormholes and the like speak to another dimension described in physics, or rather alluded to. The allusion is key here. The open world possibility is there.

Simply because the reality that was there all along cannot be described in concrete terms at this moment does not exclude that Truth in reality to even exist. The existence of the underlying truth is always there no matter if it is never discovered by human minds. As an example consider the possibility that the "New World" was never discovered by the Europeans or vice versa, would the New World ever be in existence? Yes, it existed so long as it was set in the first place. Our knowledge of something doesn't create it; it's the primordial existence of the given reality that gives its basis for being Truth.

And so I enter into the search for the fingerprints of the Divine, and I see them all over. The daily small miracles of the ordinary—He is there. In the passing of life into death—He is there. In both sadness and joy—He is there. In times of failure and in times of success—He is there.

To borrow a phrase from John Paul II and his poems, these are "thoughts in strange space."

If this Creator, this "force" that created all things and is above all time only set the world in its course, wound its clock gears so to speak, and set it on its ways with the natural laws then would this universe lose part of its deeper meaning? Would we not reject a reality of the universe that there something greater than our own reality, our own very existence? These thoughts we have must begin from somewhere. They do not just come to existence out of strange space. They must have a beginning. As a result, René Descartes seemingly flips a working reality when he states: "I think, therefore I am." It should read, "I am, therefore I (can) think." And how did we get the ability to even possess philosophical thought or any given thought at all? We don't necessarily exist because we think; we are more than mere mental islands in a large sea. We affect every existence in such a way that our thoughts cannot fully grasp it. Such is the case with the well-known "butterfly effect" regarding the chaos theory.

The Deistic "clock-winder" God only goes so far. The framework of not just a personal God but an intensely personal God is there. The lines of communication, though not physically visible, present themselves in a sacramental way that is not merely a spiritual reality. This jump of conceptual understanding bridges the chasm of understanding between the physical and the spiritual. However, we must be properly prepared in body, mind, and spirit to accept an ever-present intensely personal gift of the Divine. And it is here that we so often fall short of the ideal, our preparedness for the Gift. And yet, those of faith tend to dismiss in the same closed-world fallacy of the scientific humbugs. We turn ourselves intensely inward away from the Unknown. It does not affect change, merely stagnation.

Even so, the Gift is not taken away. We have the free will to accept or deny what is given. And He remains there to help us back out of the dust to reach His love. For the gift is love. The gift is Himself.

It is here that I find great joy even in sorrow of failure. He is there to pick up the fallen. He is there to take back His spouse even in infidelity. He knows us intensely, in every manner and way we go and in every time we succeed and fail. We must accept our frailty and His strength. If not, we reject His sacrifice for us. We reject His love for us.

Paradoxically we must let Him love us. We must let the Infinite bow to the finite. We, the finite, are given the opportunity to accept the Infinite or reject it. And this suitor will not be outdone. He intensely wants us, all of us completely. However, He does not want us out of fear. So often do we act out of fear. No, He wants us to choose Him out of love. And so the Infinite waits on the finite, and the simple reality that the Infinite can wait out the finite is reiterated. His grace is not finite.

So what must we do? Turn to him. That's all. Turn to Him not to avoid the disappointments in the world but to strengthen your gifts from the Divine in the face of the difficulties of the moment. And by passing the difficulties of the given moment, you can and do achieve what is infinite—the love of the Divine. The finite finds that its true limits are the infinite—everlasting life.

And this is where I am, warts and all, before Him. Disposed enough to see glimmers of the fullness of His love, I stand in awe. I stand in awe that He would even shower me with the least amount of water, that saving water. I stand in awe that He would water this unkempt garden that I can become so quickly. Still He waters the weed-filled garden, and yet the Gardener comes. He comes to prune what is dead and pull the weeds that choke His word that is sown.

And still the image of the faithful spouse comes to mind now. He is the faithful spouse, and I the unworthy one taken back. He is teaching me, though I am at times intractable. Even though I futilely fight His love in the passing moments of failure, He keeps coming back to the threshold of my heart and pouring deep within a wellspring of His love.

Deep within He pours a creative spirit that renews, nourishes, and regenerates a dead soul. He accepts the faults of the heart, the wounds of the past to transform what was once lost apart from Him. In this we all become one with Him if we let Him do His will within us and within the world around us.

We are in this world but not wholly of this world. We must remember the depth of the time-space of both faith and reason within our lives. We must keep close to our hearts the Spouse who comes back to us, even though we run from Him.

Turn to Him; see the freedom in this understanding. He is there with an outstretched hand, not a condescending wag of a finger. He has no need of lording our failures over us but only our acceptance of His will in our lives—to be transformed to be instruments and co-authors in His love through His creation and to join Him when our work here is done.

What joy is found in reflecting on these thoughts in strange space. What joy in the face of a hole that remains unfilled still. Some day I will let Him fill it; some day He will choose to fill it, not a moment too soon or too late. I await that time with a continuingly joyful heart.

Freedom

2009-04-26T23:42:00.004-05:00

We are called
To freedom—
Freedom in the full,
Freedom in Love.

Freedom is found
In holy indifference
To the future ahead,
To Love in the moment.

Freedom is found
In taking what was lost
And realizing again
He is there through it all.

Freedom is found
In leaving the past
Where it belongs—
In the heart that longs.

We are called
To love with a heart that longs,
To thirst for something much greater,
To love in the freedom of the Good.

Freedom to say "Yes"
To the Truth amongst us,
To the fullness of Hope,
To say "Yes" to Jesus.

Freedom is within you,
Freedom to love without fear,
Freedom to love God ever-near.
Freedom lives in you.

On Passing Occasion for a Friend

2009-04-25T22:40:00.002-05:00

A token taken,
A token given
For a fair woman,
A gentle friend.

In passing,
Life seems random,
Without cause,
Without effect

But every gesture,
Every word,
Every breath
Has its place.

Every occasion
Is marked and set,
But life isn’t
Cheerful at every step.

Clamor comes
Only for a moment,
Yet the good times
Last forever.

A gesture seen,
A faith believed
That love isn’t a moment
But an everlasting dream.

But dreams do pass,
They pass into the night—
One step, then two
Off into the cold night they pass.

Dreams last only as long
As the dreamer believes
And sees in his soul
A part of himself, a love to behold.

The lilies are blooming
At the water’s edge,
But the distance to be bridged
Is too far for the dreamer’s stead.

Alas, only Love can span the water
Between the two solitary islands,
Two different worlds—
Yet only silence is found instead.

On passing occasion
Sorrow could be found,
But the dreamer keeps on dreaming
Of a new world for his love.

Vocation

2009-04-20T01:15:00.003-05:00

The Call,
It's not out of the blue.
It's written on the heart,
The heart with Truth.

The Call has always been there,
A beacon of light
In the darkness,
In the wilderness of Truth.

Written on our hearts,
The Call beckons us
To service, to faith,
To Love in Truth.

He speaks to the heart
The plans He hast made,
The plans written from the start,
For His child in body and soul.

He calls each by name
Through time and space
To love Him more fully,
To come to this holy place.

With certainty
His love renews
Our hearts, our minds
To live our call with Truth.

Cast away the doubts
For this call written in you.
Go deeper in love,
To His heart of Truth.

The Call is a call
To a vocation of Truth—
A vocation of blood and water,
A vocation of body and soul.

From the heart
We are to give,
To give fully in love,
To give mercy to the full.

The Call remains ours fully,
No matter our failings,
No matter our weaknesses.
His love, His call remain—

Fully to give,
Fully to love.
Freely we give;
Freely we love.

In a heart of mercy
We live body and soul
To give the gift,
The gift of love—

Forever fruitful,
Forever faithful,
Forever fully,
Forever free.

Forever we love—
Forever we love—
Forever we love—
Forever with the Divine.

The Easter Light: The Promises of a Faithful Father Kept

2009-04-12T23:50:00.023-05:00

The Easter Light is upon us today. It has been a day since the wonderful liturgy of the Easter Vigil has passed into the night, as it were. And the blessings continue to flow with the Light of the new day. And in keeping with the promises He has bestowed on us, I now have kept one promise given to a friend—to finish a book lent in earnest. And my, the spiritual gifts of the book.

And yet, as grace would have it, that was not the first. But I must work my way back to unravel the graces bestowed to me in most serendipitous ways. First we must start with the Easter Light we celebrate that today. As I have heard on television this morning upon waking and have read in the book this evening before writing at this late hour, St. Augustine aptly pointed out that the New Covenant is concealed in the Old, while the Old is revealed in the New. And in the New is Jesus Christ, our Easter Light. There are no coincidences. And this is where I begin for I am a man called to action in Word and, now, in deed.

For some months I have been wrestling with my place in the future ahead. The storms have started once more, and darkness had set in. And this is where I started reading Scott Hahn's A Father Who Keeps His Promises at the behest of a gentle friend. I will unveil the wrestling in due time, but here I will speak of the action the Lord calls me to. It is through this book that I have found the Call reaffirmed.

First, I must admit I go looking for affirmation, sometimes in the wrong places, but I more often than not rest in areas where the affirmation is pure and luminous as day. This book is one of those. While it begins slowly, recounting Israel's long Biblical history with many asides, it warms to the heart of the matter starting with Moses through the desert and especially with Chapter Ten: "Choose This Day Whom You Will Serve!": From Conquest to Kingdom. It the start of the chapter that jumps out to me:

Every parent knows the feeling. Your beautiful little baby is growing and learning how to talk. Then suddenly he discovers the word that changes everything: NO! - pg. 191

It is here that I began to connect this analogy with something I saw last night at the Vigil Mass in the balcony. As we began the Mass, filling the pews of the whole church from top to bottom, I sat down behind a young family—husband and wife with their baby daughter—with the whole church aglow with the Easter light on each of our candles, making the church a sea of candlelight. The baby's eyes were filled with awe and amazement at the light and could not help but be captivated with the candles, her eyes large drinking in the light from all of the darkness of the Sanctuary. I, in turn, could not take my eyes from this scene.

I was drawn to remain there viewing this calm child, eyes full of wonder. It was a drastic change from Friday and Thursday when the older children were almost a terror of complaints, even though they had light to its fullest. But here was the child content with light's simplicity, mere candlelight in a church. Alas, it was not to remain. Upon completing the first part of the Easter Vigil, the Service of Light, the candles are extinguished and the next component of the Vigil, the Liturgy of the Word, begins. It is here that seven readings of the Old Testament are read, an Epistle reading, and then the Gospel reading. It is a full recount of Salvation History. And, in it, we are plunged into darkness with the readings of the Old Testament. It is here the once content child went into a crying fit that drew the family to the antechamber to the bathroom at the back—and never back to their seats in the pews that evening. Very much like the children at each of these stages, we too are with God and His plan. Yes, the fullness of God's light will again appear—in even greater glory—and the whole church will be filled with the fullness of Light as we sing our Glory of God and then hear the words "He has been risen!" with the readings of the New Testament. But we grow confused at times and throw up our voices in terrorized cries.

And so I was with that child at the Vigil in spirit. I have felt as though I was lost in the darkness of the moment and unable to realize that the Light was coming very soon. I will not forget this moment of revelation and enlightened meaning. It is true; we will falter away from the Lord at times. We will not be true to our own word. But the Lord God will always be true to His Word. He will never fail to raise His Word to new heights for the salvation of all, if we only know what to ask of Him in His infinite mercy. We are given the opportunity to be His children with Christ in the fulfillment of the Old. And in this fulfillment there is great promise!

And here I am now, called to action. I am still wrestling with the darkness at times, but the candlelight has returned. The flicker of light dances before my eyes, and my eyes can do nothing but drink in this light day by day.

The Vigil and its images and my completion of the reading of Scott Hahn's A Father Who Keeps His Promises do much to keep that flickering light before me now. And in that I find the Quenchless Light I poetically wrote about last April. It is a Quenchless Light for all nations. It is not dispelled by the night. No, it grows even brighter in the darkness. It displaces the night and it transforms the day, too. It is this Light that Scott Hahn speaks to in Chapter Twelve: "It Is Finished!": The Son Fulfills the Father's Promises.

It is here that Hahn does a masterful job of weaving the tapestry's loose ends together to point to the shining moment of Jesus' salvific role in all of Creation and does a magnificent job explaining the Triduum, from Holy Thursday to the end of Holy Saturday in the Easter Vigil. And the connections could not be ignored by me after experiencing the Jewish Passover on Wednesday night. Hahn's four points in this chapter nail the case shut for the seamless sacrifice from Holy Thursday to Good Friday when Jesus would, as He said, "drink it new in the kingdom of God" (Mark 14:25).

His words, "It is finished!" are in fact the closing of the Jewish Passover performed, with Him as both Sacrifice and High Priest, for as Hahn stated:

For example, when Jesus stood before Pilate (see John 18:33-37), John notes this seemingly unrelated fact: "Now it was the day of preparation of the Passover; it was about the sixth hour." Surely, John knew that the sixth hour was the time when the priests were to begin slaughtering the lambs for Passover. - pg. 228

What magnificent connection! It was something I was pondering with another friend last week who accompanied me to the Jewish Seder meal. It was that Wednesday evening, the start of the Jewish Passover, that we put that question to task, scouring ourselves to the placement of the mention of Passover in the Gospels. It was one of the ones least reticent but at the same time the most, too. Again, there is no coincidence, no passing chance in Scripture.

As Hahn correctly relates the Passover Haggadah to the "once and for all time" perpetual sacrifice found in "the perfection and perpetuity of [Jesus'] self-offering." As Hahn continues, "It can be represented upon our altars through the Eucharist, by the power of the Holy Spirit, so that 'through him [we] continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God' (Heb 13:15)" (pg. 239).

And it is pointing out the connections that this convert to Catholicism has enlightened me this Easter. And in the last chapter Hahn even hints to John Paul II's Theology of the Body connections within Paul's two metaphors of the Church being part of the Body of Christ and at the same time the Bride for the Bridegroom Jesus Christ. It is in and through the irony of the Gospel of John that Hahn magnifies the mysteries of the Church as Bride and Body of Christ. These two metaphors are not disconnected but very connected with the wedding feast brought to fore in the Gospel of John and again in the Book of Revelation.

And yet it is here in the thirteen and last chapter that I find some of the greatest spiritual gold from Hahn that echoes John Paul II's words, too. Hahn writes:

[...] We desire intimacy, sexual union. We find it in other persons. But that desire points to a deeper desire, which only union with God can meet; and union with God proves to be deep intimacy, unimaginable ecstasy, infinite fulfillment of the desire to love and be loved, to give and receive totally, to become one with the other.

This is truth that only the mystic can really understand; but then, mystics are lovers. And God wants us to be lovers. - pg. 256

And yet, I still feel very much like David described by Hahn in Chapter Eleven: "Thou Art the Man!": From Kingdom to Exile and also at the close of Chapter Ten, too. It should be no surprise though, as I even share part of my name with him. I have identified a great deal with David, even from youth. And especially over the past few years I have now identified with him for his passion of "vignettes of agony and ecstasy, hate and love, despair and victory, scorn and praise [that] capture this man's unusually sensitive nature as well as his gift with words and music" (pg. 215).

I feel a connection with David's strain of humility during his encounter with Goliath where he wasn't fearless but stood on principle to be the instrument of God's will. As Hahn states, "God has always been and still is looking for people who see themselves as lowly, who are humble before the Lord and fear the Creator more than their fellow creatures" (pg. 213).

And yet David's own passionate flaws are with me, too. As they are with all of humanity. It's that longing I have already quoted from Hahn. But here it speaks directly to David's lustful heart. How do we deal with the lust that enters into our hearts? We must take assessment of it as it comes and redirect the thoughts. And yet, with repentant hearts, then move forward. The same flaws can be—and ought to be—redeemed through Christ. For as David bears the wounds of his sins of adultery and still lives, so Christ bears all our sins and retains the wounds redeemed in resurrection. And there is what we should ask for—redemption of our wounded selves through Christ's death and resurrection.

And still there was more that spoke to me, for long have I reflected on my vocation. And long have I pondered the plans the Lord has for my heart. And I have had many who press me to continue to consider my vocation as if I need to either make a decision at this moment or put it off for what might seem like eternity. But there is a third road, one of embracing the current state of singleness.

I am embracing this third way, but I cannot help but to feel the unveiling of the vocation the Lord has planted on my heart.

This decision that I have encountered buried deep within my heart is that towards marriage. The little moments point to that. The dreams follow the path. The singular desire to concentrate my gift of love is present. The yearning to pass on the Word is there. A patient teaching heart is there also. The tender concern is enkindled and burns within, but I am yet without another to tend the home fires. It is acceptable and right, as I know from prayer and reflection, to still be waiting and biding my time in the Father's bliss. I have still a great deal of time before I too advance in "wisdom and age and favor before God and man" (Luke 2:52). I have much still to learn as I go down this vocational road accepting the promises of a Faithful Father.

Neither is it a blessing nor a curse. It is a transitory period in the Lord's calling to my heart. And still I have uncovered a decision in the midst of this current transitory period that is at times marked with darkness. I will go on further in another post on this process in greater detail, but—suffice to say for the present late hour—it is of great joy. And still it is not full of consolation, but Joy encompasses both consolation and desolation. Joy fills the voids between the two and is in each two. For Joy can be both bitter and sweet and fill the hearts and call us to speak. And it is in this Easter Joy that I have been graced to speak this evening, to speak from the heart. It has been a most gracious day of enlightenment of the heart.

The closing of Hahn's book speaks to me like a love letter from the Lord, a call to my vocational search:

The crisis of the Church is not reducible to the lack of good catechists, liturgies, theologians and so forth. It's a crisis of saints. But it's a crisis that our Father can be trusted to handle, especially if we allow him to keep his promises to us. "I am sure that he who began a good work within you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ" (Phil 1:6). So with Pope John Paul II, I urge you, "Make yourselves saints, and do so quickly!" - pg. 262

His mercy endures forever. Trust in Him, for his mercy endures forever. His mercy endures forever. Alleluia!

Treetops Away

2009-03-18T14:00:00.000-05:00

Treetops away,
Wonders of love,
We fly away
To the treetops above.

All is quiet;
All is still;
All is wonder;
All is as He wills.

Mystifying mirth—
Only the dreams,
Only the joys
Of life's glory now remain.

The sorrows,
The pains
Of a better tomorrow
Have all now waned.

What else is there
But to remain in bliss
Of a joy that sustains,
Of a lover's kiss.

Come to the treetops—
Let us never again leave.
Come to the treetops—
Let us never cease to be.

Litany of Love

2009-03-15T08:00:00.001-05:00

Mercy, O Lord,
What mercy do You desire?
What love do You require?
What trust, what kindness,
What heart so blessed?

Love, O Lord,
What love do You find fitting?
What path to me are You committing?
What heart to love requiting?

Hope, O Lord,
What hope do You so give!
What Spring Eternal,
What Font of Every Blessing!

Faith, O Lord,
What faith do You desire!
Seeing beyond the bend,
We turn to You, our hearts transcendent!

Trust, O Lord,
What trust do we have in You!
We trust in Your Word
To perfect our love renewed.

Word, Thy Word,
What Word so greatly blessed!
Teach us, Thy Word,
To be love for one another;
Teach us to be love renewed!

Love Outpoured

2009-02-10T21:15:00.002-06:00

Let me see you for who you are;
Let me know your passions;
Let me learn what means most to you.

Let me move in grace with you;
Let me grow more because of you;
Let me live for you.

Let me give all I have;
Let me speak to you with the love I have;
Let me care for you in good times and in bad.

Let me see the grace within you;
Let me see the faith in you;
Let me see the hope in you;
Let me see the love in you.

Let me love you.

On Bended Knee

2009-02-07T05:10:00.006-06:00

On Bended Knee,
I come this day to pray.
On Bended Knee,
I come to give You praise.

On Bended Knee,
I find my true self.
On Bended Knee,
I find You alive this day.

On Bended Knee,
I am compelled to stay,
To remain in Your love,
To be one with You.

On Bended Knee,
I see the one true God,
One unadulterated, One free,
One forever able, One in whom to believe.

On Bended Knee,
I find His mercy outpoured,
His love, His truth,
His glory forevermore.

On Bended Knee,
I see His presence
With sight, with sound,
With true feeling—Our Lord.

On Bended Knee,
I am enveloped completely,
In totality of Truth,
In love and mercy outpoured.

On Bended Knee,
I surrender to You,
Completely without reserve,
Without any other need.

On Bended Knee,
I seek only YOU,
My Lord, My God,
My whole being; I pray.

On Bended Knee
I thank You
For a centering peace,
A peace centered on You.

On Bended Knee
I shall remain,
To love evermore
With a heart you made.

Lost

2009-02-04T23:40:00.001-06:00

I want to be lost in You,
In Your spirit,
In Your beauty,
In Your love.

I want to wash in Your pools of compassion,
Completely in Your peace,
In Your grace,
In Your love.

I want to breathe in Your presence
Away from my vain thoughts,
Away from my senseless worries,
Away from my hatred.

I want to see Your glory,
In the brightness of day,
In the beauty that remains,
In Your love that sustains.

I want to lose myself
In the humbleness of this world,
In the daily toils,
In the little moments of love.

I want to feel the sufferings
In gentleness of heart,
In waiting for You—the One,
In waiting for the fullness of Your love.

I want to be free in Your love,
In Your fatherly care,
In waiting for Your gifts,
In the robes of Your care.

I want nothing but to be in You,
All the days of my life,
To find myself overshadowed by You,
In the completeness of Your love.

I want to lose myself,
In spirit, body, and soul,
In no other hope but Your own
To live out a life filled with Your love.

The Father's Robes

2009-02-04T23:33:00.004-06:00

What senseless toil
Have we done,
We the lost, the wayward?
What suffering have we begun?

We wallow in senseless action
After senseless action.
We find ourselves lost;
We find ourselves without satisfaction.

We cast away our reborn state
To live in discord, disdain,
In a world man has made,
Not a city where angels trod.

But we turn to Him,
No matter our state,
To seek His grace,
To find our true place.

We wait, in our father's robes,
For the day where all are free—
Free from the bondage of sin,
Free to be with our gracious father—our God.

Waves

2009-02-04T23:23:00.001-06:00

Waves of distress,
Waves of despair,
Waves of pride,
Waves of greed

Waves crash,
Waves slosh,
Waves clash,
They overpower the lost...

One after another,
The struggle continues—
Finding the peace
Amid the endless storm.

What do we make of the mess?
How do we find peace even there?
How do we fight the pain inside?
How do we answer these times of need?

Step out on the waves;
Step out to the One Who Saves;
Step out on the water.
He will not let you falter.

Trust in His voice;
Listen to His command.
See His love;
Follow His way.

See before you the choice;
Choose the Rock, not the sand,
To build your house—based on love.
His grace is enough for the Way.

Then, in His love,
Those waves of distress
Will turn to love,
Ones to lift you, come what may.

Today

2009-01-20T22:33:00.000-06:00

Today we saw history transpire,
What men and women, now and to come,
Will find further words more eloquent than these
To speak and scribe to generations to be.

Today we saw a voice inspired,
A realization of what all men of goodwill can become,
A changing of guard, a call to a new generation,
A resounding message that all are meant to be free.

Today from our nation's seat
We still find a country surrounded by storms,
By a mess no man or woman can ignore,
A mess by those same men who to us implore.

Today we received a new call of responsibility,
Of what and of whom we should be.
But all men are fallible; all men fail.
All men fail because we are free.

Today begins our nation's new chapter,
One to be filled with tears but also still laughter.
We have much still to do, to be
In this home of the brave, land of the free.

Today will be tomorrow's yesterday,
And though this still will be true,
We will find a way to our own hearts be true,
To live, to prosper, to never cease to be.

Today we live in a land imperfect,
In a union we have yet to perfect,
But we all should not forget the least among us,
Of those whom we cannot even see.

Today we were on a mountaintop,
But here is not a place we can stop.
Still there is much more to do, so much to renew;
Still more remains until we can with one voice agree:

That today will be like the tomorrow
Where all men are indeed created equal,
Where all have the rights to life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness,
Where all created will truly and forever be free.

House of Prayer

2009-01-11T21:45:00.008-06:00

What town is this,
Shuttered and closed?
What town is this
Whom Fate hast shoaled?

Are not its buildings aging?
Are not its streets degrading?
What of its stores, stations, and salons of old?
What of the gin that is no more?

What happened to the town of old,
Along these tracks through field and pasture?
What happened to its once graced stature?
Was this not all once foretold?

Its history is only outlined at best,
Known for an outlaw's birthplace,
Nothing more, nothing less.
But aren't there more stories than this bit of lore?

Aren't there tales of faithful families and more?
What do these boards speak to
And these bricks have to tell?
Are not these hallowed grounds known so well?

The façades may be worn
And the buildings forlorn,
But these streets do hold more,
Much more than I can explore.

Down the main street we shall go,
Past the worn storefronts of old,
Past the post office much newer,
And water tower found in glimmer.

No, something much greater still stands this day,
Something of grandeur that shall never cease to stay,
Something to show the remaining the Way—
A house of prayer, a place of peace.

What is this I hear,
In this town so worn?
Is not a chorus raising,
A community of believers still praising?

How can they praise where opulence has faded,
Where like the creeks' waters have now dissipated?
How can they so gloriously sing
To a God whom they prayed but have not received?

Look closer, my friends; look closer indeed.
See all the joy this night, in word and in deed!
It too is much greater than any building or wonder,
For naught is a city that has so much wonder!

What place is there,
What place of peace!
What place is there,
What house of prayer!

What miracles hast He worked!
What miracles unseen!
Surely there are more,
Much more than are believed!

It is once again Christmas night,
The town restored in colored lights,
But it's inside where the joy is at last,
Where blessings are found—delights of the past!

Generations gather together;
One after another they gather,
Generation after generation of families,
To praise a God who has blest them with His favor.

In chorus raising,
Voices are praising
Their Creator blessed
With songs of praise.

For it's in the past times of struggle
And in the past times of pain
That they remember always the small joys,
The little things that take their breath away.

And still they praise,
For it's the little joys they still seek there.
For where only a dying town once stood,
Now shines a House of Prayer.

O Love in Exile

2008-12-22T11:11:00.002-06:00

Place to place I wander
Each day looking from face to face,
Each more beautiful than the next,
But still I find not your face.

Night to night I sit and ponder
Through a darkened mirror of wonder.
What grace of God have I rejected today?
What mercy of God have I spurned this day?

Surely this exile is mine, not His?
Surely this exile is worth the love of His?
How can it be, my heart's reason is still without me,
My love's destination has not yet stirred a heart ready to be?

O Love in Exile, my dearest love,
What piece am I still missing?
What have I yet not given?
What have I yet not found?

O Love in Exile, my separated love,
What else must I give,
What else than my love, my life, my heart?
What else can I do, have I not done this from the start?

O Love in Exile, my saddened love,
Cry not this cold and dreary night.
We two are near, so very near
In the peace of the night.

O Love in Exile, my guiding love,
Be patient too in His mercy and His love.
Peace and blessings, my exiled love;
Stay in His heart, live in Him renewed.

Live in peace for our love will be renewed,
My Love in Exile, my love, my everything, my you.
You are closer than we either can speak,
So close are those whom we seek.

Your heart and mine will find the other soon,
Of this there is no doubt,
For His mercy and His love guide us
And with our two loves remaining, His will win out.

Voices in the Dark

2008-12-15T23:59:00.000-06:00

Deep within my troubled soul
I hear whispers of doubt,
Of old feelings once let out,
Instead of joy in reaching my goal.

Relapsed in my longing search,
My heart quivers with fear.
I want to love even more,
But how can I love what is not here?

The voices in the dark
Grow louder and louder
As my heart continues to flounder
In a cycle that leaves its mark.

The voices call out,
The past calls to me...

What of the praise,
What of the clout?
Is this even you?
Is this what you're all about?

Can't you live in the light?
Can't you be happy with what you've got?
Must you keep fighting what was?
Must you try to live with what you cannot live without?

No, another voice speaks out.
It raises a clamor beyond doubt...

Stand up and fight,
Fight for what is right.
Stand up to the night,
The voices, the darkness.
Fight for what is right.

These voices of the night,
They will not succeed...
The One's love is all I need.

Stand up and fight,
Fight for the heart's might.
Stand up to the evil,
The trouble, the feeble.
Fight for what is right.

These voices of darkness,
They will surely die...
Evil's ways denied.

Surely, I will fight
These hours of the night.
Surely, I will love
These days before us all.

Never give in,
Never give up.
This is where we begin.
This is where we shine.

Fight beyond fight,
Live beyond life,
Give all of yourself,
And never die again.

New Wine

2008-12-10T08:00:00.004-06:00

What was once
Is no more;
What is to come
Will shine once more.

What was once—
Reserves of man's toil.
What is to come—
Blessings from Heaven's soil.

What was once,
Dead and rotting,
Turns from an age that was
To an age of new being.

What is to come
Was not what it seemed,
Mere water merely gleamed—
New wine instead, sight unseen.

Brim after brim,
What sight unseen!
Are we to know
The blessings now seen?

Go forth, you witnesses,
Go forth to the world.
Taste what is made new—
Vintage, O Vintage Renewed!

Go forth, you witnesses,
Go forth to the loveless
Show them what has been lacking—
Vintage, O Vintage Untarnished!

Woman, O Woman,
What have you done?
His glory, His passion
Have all now begun!

Woman, O Woman,
What is this to mean,
Pondering and pondering
All that you've seen?

Word after word,
What sight believed!
Are we to believe
The blessings now conceived?

O vintage press,
O womb of the Divine,
What handmaid eternally blessed,
What vessel of new wine!

"Whatever He tells you"
This is what we shall do.
"Whatever He tells you"
That we shall do with you.

Guests, O guests,
What have we seen!
God's blessings, God's mercy,
God's reflection now seen!

Guests, O guests,
What gifts have been given!
Turn to Him, O Vintage Renewed,
Live in Him and Him in you!

O vessels once broken, be now renewed.
Live in Him and Him in you!
Fill to the brim your hearts made new.
Be with Him; be now renewed!

In Veiled Courts

2008-12-06T02:02:00.004-06:00

In veiled courts
With hearts afire
I stand with measured breath.

In veiled courts
Through the countless days
I wait with a weak heart.

In veiled courts
With the warmth of light
I stand alone in piercing silence.

In veiled courts
Through which a silent wind blows
I wait upon a single heart unknown.

Veiled courts with flickers of light,
Veiled courts with a grace of might,
Veiled courts with veiled sight

I await the day, in veiled courts,
Of a heart that I am worthy to love.
I await the hour, in veiled courts,
For the fullness of God's compassion—my other self.

Each day I wait,
Each day upon the other;
Each day I wait,
I await my other half—the Other.

In veiled courts
Doth my heart so wait
For a love, a life, a heart.
O Lord, doth my heart wait
For a love that won't break.

Give me the power;
Give me the grace
To wait in veiled courts,
To run the blessed race.

Pace within my heart
The sorrows of the night
With the joys of the day
In veiled courts as I wait.

In veiled courts I wait;
I wait on her beautiful face.
In veiled courts I wait;
I wait on her glorifying grace.

In veiled courts, there I wait
For His mercy, His creation, His beauty.
I wait on this all here in His place.
In veiled courts, there I wait.

Fingerprints of the Divine

2008-12-05T01:22:00.000-06:00

From nothing, something
Spark, discovery, revelation.

From darkness, light
Immensity, explosion, expansion.

From death, life
Dust to being, matter to understanding.

From slavery, freedom
Chaos to determinism, determinism to relativity.

From suffering, salvation
Pain to joy, sacrifice to success, unknowing to knowing.

From chaos, understanding
Testing and probing, experimenting and seeking...

Thread by thread,
Weave by weave,
The Tapestry of Knowledge,
The Tapestry of Wisdom
Become interwoven.

Fingerprint by fingerprint,
Discovery by discovery,
The minutia of the moment,
The sweeping vista of time
Into one are sewn.

Truth discovers Beauty;
Beauty unveils Truth.
No matter our route,
No matter our origin,
Now, only now, does life begin.

Hearts Renewed

2008-12-03T23:40:00.000-06:00

I can’t, I can’t, I can’t
Leave my love right now.
I must, I must, I must
Live without it somehow.

I will, I will, I will
Let grace in my heart to dwell.
I shall, I shall, I shall
Love you always with a heart compelled.

Always, always, always
Will my heart so greatly burn
With fiery love for you
No matter the time of your return.

Complete, complete, complete
Is my love for you
Even though, my dearest love
You still know not my name.

My love, my love, my love
Return to my restless heart,
Give grace a place, a space, to start,
Let us then nevermore be the same.

Live in me and I in you;
Let us, our hearts renewed,
Live as one and not as two.
Live with me, our hearts renewed.

Witness to Hope

2008-11-22T10:40:00.001-06:00

Witness to Hope,
Saving love of God,
Mercy of His selfless love,
Face of the Faceless One.

Mercy of the One who bestows mercy,
Hands of the One whose hands were nailed,
Heart of the One whose heart burned with love,
Eyes of the One who sees only beauty

See my hand outreached,
Ready to receive your compassion.
See my eyes centered,
Ready to take in your holy beauty.

Feel my struggle to remain faithful in all things;
Enter into my understanding of hardship.
Feel my joy of passion to give freely;
Enter into my serenity of heart.

Help me to die to myself,
To give myself freely to you.
Help me to give without prompting,
To breathe compassion in my every breath.

Let me take on the fragrance of your love,
To be ever a constant effusion of your grace,
To become ever united fully with you,
And to never again be the same.

Witness to Hope,
Lover of Love,
Defender of the Faith,
Mother to be of many

Grant me your precious favor,
Guide me to the Most High,
Complete my joy with your endless joy.

Democracy 2.0: The Need for True Advocacy

2008-11-07T20:30:00.005-06:00

It can be said that democracy is a two-step process. Yes, its important component is the actual act of voting, that exercise of civic duty that so few of us actually avail ourselves. The other centers on its aftermath: advocacy.

In a country where 64% (this year's rough estimate of nationwide turnout) is the best that one of the standard-bearers of the free society can expect, advocacy is an integral and needed step in ensuring that good government is actually carried out.

While we often forget that these politicians work for us and not the other way around, we must instill in them a sense of accountability for their actions not only in the voting booth (as has been done just this past Tuesday), but each day through contact with our local politicians, state politicians, and those going up to that bureaucratic befuddlement of Washington, D.C. We mustn't rely on others to speak for us. This country's government, as President Lincoln stated at the close of the Gettysburg Address, is one "of the people, by the people, for the people." We mustn't forget this...we must change government ourselves through advocacy if true change is to occur.

Yes, informed consciences are important before the voting process and during it, but so too are they important in deciding the direction of leadership in one's community, great or small, and much greater is the need of active and informed advocacy of those very ones we vote in (or have foisted on us). We mustn't be quiet. We mustn't go quietly into the night. We must organize, continue to organize, and speak out for the change we see needed in a country where change can be abused.

We need informed consciences not to lord things over people. No, we need them to give the Truth to our society. We need to be shepherds of the Truth. We must speak out to injustices and change the way we work as a country. I implore you, do not give up on the second half of democracy—advocacy.

This country is need of it, or we as a nation might just plunge off the cliff of instability or—worse yet—insignificance.

Civil Rights and the History of the Moment

2008-11-06T13:55:00.002-06:00

My thoughts are on the amazing history of this week, and, in fact, this past year. I personally identified a great deal with what John McCain stood for, I could see a determination in his heart, in his words that I knew from the beginning he would make an excellent leader, an excellent president for our country. That what he said weren't merely words to get elected (as politicians, none in this group included) so often do. I could not find anyone else I could stand behind more in the run-up to and during the election.

I, in fact, did volunteer in the final hours for Sen. McCain because I could feel the gravity of the moment. I also offered my thoughts of the current events, in the wee hours of the morning of Election Day, because I knew in my heart what was at stake here: the honor of our country and the honor of the American people. I knew this election was different, but I did not see it completely the way a voting majority of the country saw it. Even if my predictions were incorrect, I ask that you to take my thoughts with a grain of salt.

'Scorched earth' was and is never a good policy of action. I think that we will see some of that in the coming weeks and months, unfortunately. This is indeed a historic time in our country's history, a very historic time.

I find a great deal of promise in Sen. Obama, something that others see even more in. There are a number of policies we don't see eye to eye. And beliefs that we fail to share, one regarding abortion—but his stance of how to deal with the root of the problem (and that is women in difficult situations) is at the very least understandable if not admirable. However, regardless the differences we share, he is a gifted politician adept at staying calm and cool that it reminds me of a difference of the 'Teflon' presidential years of the '80s...the validation or invalidation of this current reality will come soon enough.

Nevertheless, the history made on Tuesday is to be commended. It is a time to heal the racial divides in this country and actually get to helping those in need and to protect the rights of all Americans. We must stand up for the rights of all in this country of ours, and this is a step in that direction. There is much else to do and further rights to protect.

If we needed any further reminded let me quote the beginning of the Declaration of Independence:

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security."

We should always be wary of the abuses construed by those in power and ever vigilant of the rights we hold dear in this country of ours: life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. We must defend these rights for all, not just some. And, most importantly, realize once and for all human life is afforded those unalienable rights and are thus created equal. We are all called to have a voice, and we should always push further to form a more perfect union.

There is no "yes, we can"...for we have done, we are doing, and we will continue to do...all that is needed to ensure voices young and old, white or black, born or unborn are given the rights described in that Declaration of Independence.

We must never go quietly into the night. We must never be told to be quiet. If it is what it is, we must speak the truth of it. We must never stand for injustice. And for me, as we celebrate history, I must remember this as we celebrate one Civil Rights history and await another: the compassionate end of abortion where abortion is not necessarily illegal but simply and utterly unthinkable.

Justice's Fires are Burning

2008-10-31T20:28:00.002-05:00

This is a poem centered on the upcoming election and what's at stake for those defending life, specifically the unborn. I wrote it one Sunday evening during a "Faithful Citizenship" coffeehouse but had to revise quite a bit since I had to reconstruct the poem after the first two stanzas. The second half was lost on a notecard somewhere on campus, but it remains relatively intact—if memory serves me correctly!

Justice's Fires are Burning

Justice's fires are burning;
The faithful's hearts are yearning.
Blessings and honor are flowing
To those Faithful Ones, age to age.

Wonders of God's work are showing;
His love remains enduring.
Evil's ways are falling;
Its ways are forever estranged.

Day to day, we hear the calling,
Working to enact true, lasting change.
Year to year, we seek to end the fighting;
We struggle and stumble all the same.

Faithful Citizenship is our call,
A calling of love and service to all.
We are called to tear down Injustice's walls
And to fight for faithful, lasting change.

The walls of injustice are falling,
Life overcoming the walls of death.
Never, never settle for injustice's delight,
For change is coming, Blessed Change—the True Light.

The Lost Discourse: "Our Calling"

2008-10-19T23:56:00.005-05:00

The following is the lost discourse, "Our Calling," in its entirety. I feel compelled to share it as it seems for me, at present, to be the thesis, so-to-speak, of my faith life these past five years. And so I have grown attached to it, for I see His handiwork so clearly, so succinctly in the movements these years that I cannot put these words—an imperfect glance at "the refulgence of eternal light, the spotless mirror of the power of God, the image of his goodness" (Wisdom 7:26)—beneath the proverbial bushel basket:

Peace be to you.

How often at times do we think we aren't as faithful a person as others in our lives, that somehow less worthy of His love and His grace. And for each of us, we've been there and often times go back to thinking that, too. This is a mistake to think somehow we are less worthy.

We're not called to be perfect; we are called to be faithful to Him. No matter what we have done, God is there to forgive us for our own individual shortcomings. These shortcomings can become obstacles not only to God's love, to His love, but to others' love as well.

At times, we can see this happening in our hearts. God moves our hearts by putting us in situations that pulls our hearts, opens our hearts, and makes it wider for a greater capacity to love—greater than we can even possibly imagine. At times, this process of patience hurts. How unbearable it is at times!

And, yet, the Lord brings respites of joy into our lives—oases of consolation amid a desert of desolation: others in our lives, their love for us, God's made visible—especially in the Sacrament of the Eucharist—in Christ's Body and Blood made real—and in the Sacrament of Reconciliation where God's forgiveness is made manifest. These moments of grace can be such an oasis, a cool drink of consolation—a manifestation of a small piece of Christ's joy for us and the peace that the Lord can only give.

It would then be a reproach of this gift if we did not return the favor in the form of love for others in our lives and for God Himself. It would be an extinguishing of the light given to us if we rejected our calling to return not only what has been given to us but to do so many times over.

For these reasons, we ought to profess words of kindness to others in our lives, to the least fortunate; and not only words but acts of kindness and acts of love. And hold them, day by day, in the depths of our hearts, relishing in that love that Christ has given us.

We ought to give of our lives freely, but we aren't alone in this journey. As Christ said, in the Gospel of Matthew, Chapter 11:
"Come to me all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me. For I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for your selves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light." [Matthew 11:28-30]

May God bless you today and everyday. May the peace of Christ be with you. Amen.

A Voice Unsilenced: The Need for the New Springtime of Evangelization

2008-10-19T23:35:00.004-05:00

I struggle at times to balance what is my voice and the One who sends me. I struggle to see through what are my own vain attempts of vainglory for my own sake rather than that of Christ, Our Lord. I struggle to see the good of being vocal for the sake of righteousness. I struggle because there is conflict in being vocal, even among the Faithful. I struggle to see because of the gifts the Lord has given me, the calling He has given me isn't one that is as clear cut as I wish. It is a path that straddles many different routes...it is a path into the Wilderness.

I feel the great pull of inspiration both to create (the poems and prose) and also to speak out of what I have learned and have heard through those who have been placed in my life (the evangelization). If I remain silent, I reject the gift. If I speak out, I am at odds with rules set forth for good reason. As Peter and John said in Acts: "It is impossible for us not to speak about what we have seen and heard." (Acts 4:20) And so I am torn in spirit and in flesh of what to do. I have felt anger for what seems to be foolishness, to silence the Truth for the sake of the Law. It is a silencing of the Truth that disturbs me so. I understand that which is set forth for good execution of evangelization by the Church, the Body of Christ.

However, I am also reminded increasingly of John Paul II's call for a "new springtime of evangelization." And what tools do we have here! What amazing blessings the Lord has bestowed to put this into action. And yet, in my stubbornness and impatience, I am dismayed at the delay. I see inaction where there should be action, from myself and from others. In these five years here at Texas A&M, I see a striking need for further evangelization of the campus and of the community.

It is almost as though we remain ensconced in the marble temple and not tread forth into the malaise of the moment. We are a community of the Spirit, yes, but we still have so much to do. It can be accounted to be our nature to remain at rest in what is comfortable, but I sincerely believe we have an earnest and compelling call to go forth without fear, preaching to the nations, to our neighbors the Good News given! And how good it is!

I feel the following to be my resounding foundation for what drives me to further service, Paul VI's Apostolic Exhortation Evangelii Nuntiandi:

But evangelization would not be complete if it did not take account of the unceasing interplay of the Gospel and of man's concrete life, both personal and social. This is why evangelization involves an explicit message, adapted to the different situations constantly being realized, about the rights and duties of every human being, about family life without which personal growth and development is hardly possible, about life in society, about international life, peace, justice and development- a message especially energetic today about liberation. (par. 29)

We must meet each in their concrete life, and not merely rest on what was stated in catechesis. We should be out there helping the lost in applying the Gospel to speak directly to what is occurring within their own lives. It is the mustard seed to which sprouts a huge bush, a contradiction of thought—the small seed of Faith into something so much greater in size.

Of great importance then too is the "how" of evangelization, which Paul VI further addresses in Evangelii Nuntiandi:

The obvious importance of the content of evangelization must not overshadow the importance of the ways and means.

This question of "how to evangelize" is permanently relevant, because the methods of evangelizing vary according to the different circumstances of time, place and culture, and because they thereby present a certain challenge to our capacity for discovery and adaptation.

On us particularly, the pastors of the Church, rests the responsibility for reshaping with boldness and wisdom, but in complete fidelity to the content of evangelization, the means that are most suitable and effective for communicating the Gospel message to the men and women of our times.

Let it suffice, in this meditation, to mention a number of methods which, for one reason or another, have a fundamental importance. (par. 40)

Of great importance too is the means of evangelization and the need for communication that is both broad in reach but specific and personal in calling:

Our century is characterized by the mass media or means of social communication, and the first proclamation, catechesis or the further deepening of faith cannot do without these means, as we have already emphasized.

When they are put at the service of the Gospel, they are capable of increasing almost indefinitely the area in which the Word of God is heard; they enable the Good News to reach millions of people. The Church would feel guilty before the Lord if she did not utilize these powerful means that human skill is daily rendering more perfect. It is through them that she proclaims "from the housetops"[72] the message of which she is the depositary. In them she finds a modern and effective version of the pulpit. Thanks to them she succeeds in speaking to the multitudes.

Nevertheless the use of the means of social communication for evangelization presents a challenge: through them the evangelical message should reach vast numbers of people, but with the capacity of piercing the conscience of each individual, of implanting itself in his heart as though he were the only person being addressed, with all his most individual and personal qualities, and evoke an entirely personal adherence and commitment. (par. 45)

In all of this discovery I have received in these past five years, I feel there is more I must do before I leave my current station, but the eagerness to go forth is increasing by day. I am concerned, though I have reached the end here. I am dismayed to a certain extent of what is to come and where I should go.

I must remember, however, John Paul II's exhortation: "Have no fear of moving into the unknown. Simply step out fearlessly knowing that I am with you, therefore no harm can befall you; all is very, very well. Do this in complete faith and confidence."

And so too we should be reminded here of the substratum of John Paul II's words:

"Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Keep on doing what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me. Then the God of peace will be with you." - Philippians 4:6-9

And so this is my calling, a voice unsilenced that continues to speak. I pray it is never separated from the Truth. I pray that I remain faithful to the One who calls me by name, no matter the storminess of the seas.

The Temptation of Inertia

2008-09-30T14:19:00.000-05:00

Before all things and in all things, we have a tendency to remain where things are most comfortable and either to take the path of least resistance or continue down a path of failed understanding. We all have seen it: in politics, in science, in religion, in human interaction itself.

We, so to speak, don't see the writing on the wall. Either that or we fight to ignore it. We wish to remain in our comfort zone, that habitable bubble of comfort and understanding where all is supposedly right with the world even while everything around us is crashing down like the Hindenburg. My friends, this is a mistake—a horrible mistake.

If there weren't any resistance to our vocations in life, if there weren't any push back in success or defeat, we wouldn't grow. In weightlifting, isn't resistance not a good thing? It provides the strain needed to see through to later growth. So it is too in relationships, for if we reach a point in time where we aren't tested, like our muscles in weightlifting, our interpersonal relationships turn to mush. We become flabby and unfit in our life's social interactions.

And so there is resistance in our lives and in our relationships, both big and small. In this we must fight the inertia of not being able to turn our course in relationships and in our lives. We mustn't see the hardships as something to be cursed; rather, we ought to see them as what they are, tools in building what matters most and what leaves a lasting impact—making a difference in another's life.

We must fight the temptation of inertia, since in it we find much of our tendencies, our vices, and our habits. If we see past these habits, the short-term fruits they that quickly turn rotten, we will find a much greater bounty beyond the momentary strain that we find ourselves in on our way to building healthy—and lasting—relationships rooted in true love.

The Chasm of Understanding

2008-09-28T19:11:00.004-05:00

A response to a posting of an Atheistic peer...

The Riddle of Epicurus

If God is willing to prevent evil, but is not able to
Then He is not omnipotent.

If He is able, but not willing
Then He is malevolent.

If He is both able and willing
Then whence cometh evil?

If He is neither able nor willing
Then why call Him God?

It goes down to whether either of us gets "it."

We are on two different sides of the chasm of understanding, and surely either of us believes our way is right. And, in either respect, it is a fair assumption, through logic of which you've presented, to assume such things. And on the other hand, we have that of our understanding where the light is seen through the apparent darkness in logic itself.

And in this chasm of understanding there is darkness. Either side, those who believe in God and those who see the belief in God to be of total waste, are understandably and unequivocally ambassadors of such beliefs.

How do we bridge this chasm of understanding? It is by understanding the definitions of those words of which are used in defense of either belief.

Let us approach the word "willing"...for it is in willing that we exist. Through the biological processes, from the innate beginnings from whence we came, we enter existence. And as for the fingerprints of Creation, from where and how it came to be, they are there if not apparent to the untrained eye. No matter the form of creation, we go to the heart of the matter, where and how did we come to be? From ooze? So be it. From dust? So be it, too.

We see not where we come from, but rather where we are. And where we are going. For it is in willing something that we enter it. We have the intellect, the logic and reason to work within this world and so to interact with its Creation.

But then enters the logical claim: "If He is willing to prevent evil then why does He not prevent it?" And in the temporary view of things, in the drop of existence of any particular molecule of matter then, yes, it appears quite illogical. But where does the matter go from here? To further destruction, dismay, or despair? Is there any more existence of evil in this world on this day than the start of existence throughout all of universal creation or, more specifically, since the beginning of sentient understanding and decision-making (otherwise know as "free will")? I dare to state that the answer is no.

The only difference in this world as it is now is the number of sentient beings from that first day and thus the complexity of Creation ("the system"). One could invariably assume that "in the beginning" there was to be a single existence of an evolutionary sort. We must start from some starting point of existence. And so in this there enters one independent outlook on the world outside the forces of Creation. And if there were to be a reason for existence to go on, in this outlook, is to continue life. The how's and why's of it are to be debated of course, but the logical boils down. Then enters conflict of those of understanding. How can then we say then He is "willing" to end that which he created, if by the same understand they may do as they wish in the short-term?

Are we to expect to be called then gods, too? We might have a hand in creation but this would be a mistake, as it is, we only have a part in everything. We, indeed, are very limited in consciousness. That is, we do indeed die in the physical sense. Invariably we will take part of this plan or make our own decisions in our limitedness of consciousness and thus enter the ability to err.

And then, I would venture an educated guess that one would call to mind that of suffering in this world, the likes of disaster, disease, and calamities of cosmic forces. "Ah," would one say, "I have the riddle's answer. He cannot exist for the existence of this ‘wrong.’" Yes, we see this in our eyes of today, the problems of climate or beast or pest. We would fall victim to so-called "acts of God." What can we say of affliction? Does it not make us stronger? Does it see the fullness of all existence? If we had the outlook of life of narcissism, then yes, we’d say surely God does not exist. One might say, "If He does not stop this pain from existing then He is not there." But how short-sighted is this! We see not around the bend. And if it were around the bend and no reward to which we are given for our actions, then that same person might say it is for naught. But how can it be for naught if there is even the smallest possibility for supposed gain for "positive actions." In this instance the narcissistic person might be placated by that of Pascal’s Wager. But again, there might be a rejection even of that smallest possibility for that type of person.

For the altruistic person, there might be only gain even in the sight of all evil, think about the case of those in Nazi Germany who stood up in defense of the intrinsic evil being done. What gain was it for them? So it is the susceptibility for "martyrdom" for an intense commitment for a cause. In this manipulation could be brought about negatively just as well as positively for the world of Creation. But then, one might ask again, "Why does He allow it to exist?"

Simply put, as it is in the sciences, for every action there is a reaction. If there is something to come after our existence here then how is it to be? A knee-jerk reaction? Does the river run backwards for no logical reason? No, it does not.

The solution to the Riddle is in the scope in which it is applied. We must not look to that of single moments but sweeping vistas of time, and in those sweeping vistas of time the positive nature of things will enter. It may not be positive in the shortest of terms, but in the longest of terms it is there. As there is anything to bring forth life, it will come. But therein lies the "leap of faith"...and the chasm of understanding.

There you are on one side and here I am on the other. The darkness between the two ledges is deep, but all is required is that "leap of faith," that jump of understanding that there is more than just what we see here and that there is a greater good. For there weren't there wouldn't be any all, just as there would be total darkness if there weren't even the shadow of a single flame burning.

For my brethren of belief and equitable treatment by those of no faith, I continue with the following two passages to remember in trust of God, in whom all good things come:

There is an appointed time for everything,
and a time for every thing under the heavens.
A time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to uproot the plant.
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to tear down, and a time to build.
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones, and a time to gather them;
a time to embrace, and a time to be far from embraces.
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away.
A time to rend, and a time to sew;
a time to be silent, and a time to speak.
A time to love, and a time to hate;
a time of war, and a time of peace.

What advantage has the worker from his toil?
I have considered the task that God has appointed
for the sons of men to be busied about.
He has made everything appropriate to its time,
and has put the timeless into their hearts,
without man’s ever discovering,
from beginning to end, the work which God has done.
- Ecclesiastes 3:1-11

And from today's first reading...

Thus says the LORD:
You say, "The LORD's way is not fair!"
Hear now, house of Israel:
Is it my way that is unfair, or rather, are not your ways unfair?
When someone virtuous turns away from virtue to commit iniquity, and dies,
it is because of the iniquity he committed that he must die.
But if he turns from the wickedness he has committed,
he does what is right and just,
he shall preserve his life;
since he has turned away from all the sins that he has committed,
he shall surely live, he shall not die. - Ezekiel 3:25-28

Open your eyes. The existence is there and the ability to do good is within you. All you must do is choose and the world as you see it will never be the same again.

As a corollary, I remind that all must remember the following with charity of heart and mind, with charity of Faith and Reason:

Knowledge inflates with pride, but love builds up. If anyone supposes he knows something, he does not yet know as he ought to know. But if one loves God, one is known by him. - 1 Corinthians 8:1b-3

Knowledge is dead if it is without love. Live with knowledge in love.

Losing My Voice

2008-09-21T20:45:00.002-05:00

Seek the LORD while he may be found,
call him while he is near.
Let the scoundrel forsake his way,
and the wicked his thoughts;
let him turn to the LORD for mercy;
to our God, who is generous in forgiving.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
nor are your ways my ways, says the LORD.
As high as the heavens are above the earth,
so high are my ways above your ways
and my thoughts above your thoughts. - Isaiah 55:6-9

For various reasons I've lost my voice recently, both figuratively and literally. The coinciding of the physical with the spiritual loss can be diagnosed to be that of a deficient immune system. It isn't that the will isn't there, for it is. It is that my will is of a weakened state. Not that this discourse ought to defend my deficient acts or thoughts, but it speaks to the nature that we are all faced with in the flesh. It is not that we ought to cast away the flesh and cling solely to the spirit for that would belittle and demean what Christ Jesus did to raise the flesh to perfection with the spirit. For if we took it to be just the spirit for what we are to strive to live in, we'd fall into the heresy of Gnosticism. In short, we are both flesh and spirit, and in this world we must walk the tightrope of the two to its completion. We ought to run the race not in ignorance but in grace and in love.

How do we do it? Today's reading from the first chapter of Philippians sheds some light on it. For it's right before today's passage, specifically in verses 9 through 11, that we are given an invocation:

And this is my prayer: that your love may increase ever more and more in knowledge and every kind of perception, to discern what is of value, so that you may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ for the glory and praise of God. - Philippians 1:9-11

We do it through acts of faith and acts of love. In this chapter of St. Paul's letter to the Philippians, St. Paul is contemplating the various prospects of martyrdom or continued missionary labor and how his is in continued missionary labor.

As we see in St. Paul's discourse of today's reading, Philippians 1:20c-24, 27a, we ought to see that "Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death" (Philippians 1:20c) and even more importantly the fact that "for to me life is Christ, and death is gain" (Philippians 1:21).

It is through various levels of martyrdom that acts of faith are made. In essence, we die to ourselves for the sake of Christ in acts of faith. So whether it is through death of the flesh or death of an old life of spiritual deficiencies and immorality, we must live a martyr's life.

Meanwhile, it is in missionary labor that we are called to acts of love. It is in the flesh that we are called to be Christ to one another. And so it is in the two visible acts that the spirit and the flesh are one. And we mustn't forget this.

I write all of this exploration of Scripture today not so much for your instruction or my own edification but for the edification for our God and for the strengthening of myself in Christ. For it is in times of distress and confusion that the Spirit wills itself to be known, to be grown, and to call us in the Spirit to be moved to greater conversion and, thus, greater love.

So in the end I have lost my voice, however it isn't lost but rather replaced by one that is more important. It isn't silenced but rather tuned again to that which matters more. I pray most this day for the strengthening the flesh of each of us so that we may all be truly united as one in the Spirit and that in both spirit and flesh we are strengthened in Christ Jesus.

The Pick

2008-09-12T19:28:00.005-05:00

A couple weeks ago, on the eve of the closing of the Democratic National Convention....the one with the Styrofoam Greek columns and all of the wonderful rhetoric...I made a guess in the dark. I was completely fed up with the way things were going then. I wasn't happy with either side, even as I supported John McCain earlier in the Republican primaries. He was the best of the bunch then...and is still the best of the bunch now.

This brings me to The Pick. I had my reasoning to what would happen after Thursday night when those columns were to be hauled back to some Hollywood backlot. I had my hunches of what should happen. That change was indeed needed. Change not only for the Republican Party, which has been destroyed more by George W. Bush and the faulty leadership he has provided in these eight years...the latter four of which I signed off for in 2004, as you might recognize from my earlier political posts from that time. It wasn't out of stupidity that I agreed with this man then...nor was it for over half the voting electorate that we agreed with this flawed man and his flawed leadership. It was in spite of these flaws that we voted for this man...and for that party of which he has—for better or worse—represented these tumultuous eight years.

Much has happened these eight years, a lot of which has changed not only the political landscape but the very fiber of which our country sees itself and how the world sees our country. This hasn't been for the best most of the time. We do have a realization across the country since our pre-9/11 era of the true nature of those who wish our civilization and culture to be no more. At the same time, we have had serious flaws in reacting to this threat, reactions that have not only taken our eyes away from the very dangerous threats that we still haven't addressed or subdued. We cannot take a head-in-sand approach. We must face these threats head-on and be as judicious in our actions abroad and built consensus with our allies.

Will either side of the political spectrum do this to the satisfaction needed to move our country forward? I doubt it as I've doubted it since we've gone into Iraq in 2003. But this is where the Democrats have been lost in the response to the threats at hand since then.

While they've been squabbling on what was so wrong about going into Iraq they haven't been providing solutions to solve the problems at hand. The same mantra has been to get out of Iraq no matter the cost. It's a policy of expediency that takes nothing into account for the security of the region. We do not need anarchy in the Middle East. Think our gas prices are high now? Think of it when the region is even further destabilized! We have been caught with our pants down in not only our execution of the military operations in the region but also our dependency to foreign oil there and elsewhere with nations that do not have our best interests at heart. Furthermore, we are simply too cozy with Saudi Arabia for our best interests and for democracy in the region. Simply put: enough is enough.

We as a nation must come together to solve these problems. The problem isn't that we don't have the answers, but it's that we have a nation of apathetic people more ready to give into a popularity contest rather than learn about the issues…and when new people come onto the scene to berate their inexperience. Both sides, as you might have seen this election season, have done exactly this.

This race has rarely been about the issues—because either side has refrained from giving clear policy thoughts on issues. It's all about how bad the other guy (or woman) is. It's been about lipstick on pigs, old doddering men, people who "don't get it", about being "the ones we've waited for", and a whole assortment of one-liners that don't get to the heart of the issues. Let's clear the clutter.

I had predicted Palin being picked by McCain as the VP pick for a couple of reasons:

1) She is a reformer.
2) She is not from Washington.
3) She is relatively untainted by the old politics of the Republican Party.
4) She is "Pro-Life."

On the first point, she has taken on the old vanguard of her state party organization. She does have some issues with in fact taking the Bridge to Nowhere funding though ultimately being against the project and for requesting earmarks as city mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, but in the end she is a breath a fresh air for Republicans...and potentially a number of Americans overall.

In fact, in the days after the announcement of Sarah Palin as the VP candidate, Chris Matthews did make a point similar to one that I noted in the conversation with a similarly-minded friend back in Louisiana a couple days before the pick, on August 26th. Specifically, that Palin is a sort of Bobby Jindal of the North. She is a new face, ready to take on the old politics of her state and make reforms for the better of all of her state. Jindal, who unfortunately was busy (as he ought to have been at the time) keeping Louisiana running and prepared for the onslaught of Hurricane Gustav that weekend to even make a step onto the national stage. In both Palin and Jindal, they provide a new set of faces to an old and dying party. The mantle of the party needs renewal, like most of the country. This isn't just a slogan or a catch phrase—it's a reality.

On the second point, she clearly isn't part of the Beltway politics. There's no way she can be labeled to be part of the Beltway politics. One of the huge issues (of many issues) I had with Mitt Romney overall. This is both a positive and a negative. She is, as a result, more apt to charges of being too inexperienced, much like Barack Obama was being accused of by the McCain and Clinton campaigns earlier in the election season. The problem for Obama is that he has been "tainted" by his involvement in Washington politics while doing very little in the way of authoring comprehensive legislation. So not only does he not have executive experience whatsoever but he has little legislative experience, too. Couple that with the fact that he's at the top of the ticket and she at the bottom and it leads to a great deal of confusion by the electorate which should be much more against another Republican administration, no matter their stripes or new changes. That is why the election polls are so close...and why it appears McCain has overcome Obama in the polls slightly as of late. And adding Biden at the bottom of the ticket does little but solidify the difference of understanding on the ticket (a bottom-heavy ticket rather than a top-heavy ticket). In fact, it's very much like a Bush-Cheney ticket with left political flavorings. Talk about "change!"

On the third point, Sarah Palin isn't an old face of the Republican party, which up to this time has been, for better or worse, the party of Old White Men. It's true, but it doesn't have to—nor should it—remain that way. Again, the Republican party needs a facelift. It needs some va-voom, some revving up. And by revving up, I don't necessarily mean beauty-queen popularity or "simply a pretty face" but that of a person who is of a different cloth than most Republicans. Yes, she doesn't have any foreign policy experience, but for that matter neither has Obama who has rarely traveled outside the United States, unless you count that trip to Europe with his celebrity speech in Berlin (an obvious blatant attempt to channel John F. Kennedy). Speaking of which, why does each side try to channel JFK or Reagan at every possible moment? Are these men (and women) their own persons? Honestly.

But back to the topic, her lack of foreign policy experience is indicative of the problems with the Democratic ticket at the top. Furthermore, VP picks don't require foreign policy experience...unless the top of the ticket doesn't have it, regardless of how old or young the top of the ticket is. There will be a learning curve for either president and vice president. Always have, always will.

On the fourth point, one that matters most to me personally, I see only gold for the Republicans. And this is where I think the Democrats "just don't get it" as Sen. Obama would say. The Democrat party is shutting those out of their party with the politics of abortion. If you want to have a compassionate approach to the issue, which there should be, then mandate funding or assistance to the mothers of unexpected children. Do not force the killing of innocents by your policy. Conversely, the politics of the Republicans hasn't been peachy either. They have used it as a political football and there is great hesitancy on this election for people like me who are Pro-Life. We don't want to be fooled again by an administration that uses issues like that and foist another set of policies that hurts our country and our place in the world. We feel betrayed.

That's what the uniqueness of the pick of Sarah Palin is for the Pro-Life movement. No, I don't mean the vocal and graphic segment of the Pro-Life movement that wishes to scream "BABY KILLERS" to all those going into clinics. No, we are the silent majority, good people of this country that see a woman—and by extension a society—caught in the crosshairs of a Culture of Death, one devoid of promises for life. We must not ignore the least defendable in our midst. We, the ones who pray on the street corners outside these clinics of despair that call death a "choice," are fed up. We see nothing but despair for those going in. Our prayers go out to those inside, not just to change the laws of this country but the hearts and minds of those who see things so differently than us. We do not call them names or do other things to shock them into submission. Rather, we wish to see change happen to save the millions lives of the children aborted each year. We wish to see a conversion of hearts in our midst, not to point the finger and use a "holier than thou" approach. We are a pro-life nation in exile.

In the pick of Sarah Palin there is an even greater promise for the country than it was going into the 2000 election. And yet, there is great resistance ahead for the Movement. That is why Sarah Palin has such popularity in the country right now. It's not that the Republicans, through John McCain, have picked a woman for VP. No, it's that McCain has chosen a pro-life person to help change this country, to reform it in ways untold.

The road ahead is one that is fraught with dangers. There will be continued missteps by both the Obama-Biden and McCain-Palin campaigns. The thing that must be avoided is a race on personalities and return it to a race on the issues. How do we become a more compassionate nation and a more righteous nation of citizens who not only have passionate beliefs and concerns for our country but a nation of citizens who can take pride in their government for standing on the right side of life in all instances. We must truly become a beacon shining on a hill—a true bastion of democracy and of true civil rights.

We must learn what kind of change we need after these eight years. It cannot and should not return to the status quo politics that we've been subjected to these eight years—or the eight years before that was with Clinton. We must have actual change, not just a slogan and eloquent words.

To both campaigns: lose the pig-and-lipstick lines, lose the old-fish-in-paper analogies. Give us true answers for the issues that matter the most.

Living Stones

2008-09-03T12:17:00.005-05:00

For all those times that we may feel tempted to think we are alone, I post this latest poem of mine I wrote several weeks back. It has returned to me these latest days as my thoughts have turned from tranquility to a storminess that is only masked by the near-miss back home in Louisiana.

We were reminded on Sunday, from the second reading, from the Letter of St. Paul to the Romans:

I urge you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God, your spiritual worship. Do not conform yourselves to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect. - Romans 12:1-2

Do not conform yourselves to this age but take what you have learned and bring it to this age. Never grow weary and never give up. We are all on this road together.

Living Stones

Winter’s night has come and passed;
Spring’s day will never last;
Summer’s dawn is but a moment;
Fall’s eve knows nothing but torment.

Living and dying, we turn a new leaf,
Living each day we continue to seek
A voice that is true, in all ways just,
A voice from the desert, one in whom we can trust.

Wisdom’s words are quickly coming;
Are we to still follow that which is hollow?
Wisdom’s mirror is brightly shining;
Will we look to love’s defining?

Heed not the words of this day;
They too will come to pass,
For the last shall be first
And the first shall be last.

Seek not the emptiness of this day;
It too will not satisfy,
For these tempting moments
Are nothing but mirages of lies.

Be like living stones,
Stones in a river.
Let the waters of Life
Rush over you in cool currents.

For stones do not waver
In times of trouble
Since they are bound together
In a purpose so noble.

For living stones are not alone,
Each is with the other.
Though you might be worn,
Through your testing His grace is shown.

Each stone has its place
In His plan for fulfilling His grace.
Each stone finds its role
In paving the way of uniting the Souls.

Be not afraid in going from here
For His Presence remains very near,
Building each of us from season to season,
Placing each step of the stones through Faith and Reason.

A Note of Disclosure & The Need for Faithful Citizenship

2008-08-30T13:40:00.009-05:00

As the days are waning towards Election Day here in America (all told, only two months to go), I want to stress the need for Faithful Citizenship. We are not only called to have properly formed consciences on the public issues and policies being discussed, but we must also exercise our rights as dutiful citizens with our properly formed consciences to actively change for the better our society through active participation in political life. How do we do that?

By Making Our Voices Heard

We must never allow our voices to be silenced, even if the stances we take appear to the Mainstream to be backward, ignorant, or somehow "out-of-touch" with their sense of reality. A lot has continued to change these years of this new millennium and the warped nature of things can quickly work to try and silence what is right and what is just out there. We must never give in to or "sit down" and "shut up" to the injustices of our world. Speak to the world for the world is in need of a voice to speak the Truth.

By Being Respectful of the Other Side

We needn't get personal of the other side. We must remain firm in our beliefs but not nasty in our defenses. We cannot win a battle and lose the war on the account of dirty tactics and unfair political ways. We must let the Truth do the talking, our feet do the walking, and our hands pulling the levers of democracy. Be firm and friendly even when it requires turning the other cheek.

By Living and Voting According to Our Consciences, NOT Our Wallets

The question shouldn't be: Are YOU better off four (or eight) years ago? The question should be: Is the world a better place, a more equitable and safe place for all? How do we do this? We must be advocates for equitable treatment and good government. Without it, our society hasn't any legs left to stand on. Remember the axiom of do unto other as you wish others do unto you, even when it means we aren't as "rich" or "powerful" as we otherwise might think.

In the end, we are a country of immense possibilities, but we can also become too narrow-minded and narcissistic. We can end up having tunnel vision in our morality and the application of our morality in our lives. We can accept the unacceptable and refuse to tolerate what we see as intolerable. We have seen in recent years the fog of morality and its application. We have been let down as a nation, but that doesn't mean we have given up.

In the coming days and weeks, I will make the case for who I believe will best answer to the challenges ahead for us as a nation and who, in the end, doesn't have a leg to stand on for in the broad call for the audacity of hope. We must realize in the end, what this "hope" is truly calling for, and what the consequences will be.

Transfigured in Love

2008-08-07T14:50:00.004-05:00

Yesterday was the Feast of the Transfiguration of the Lord, and the mountaintop analogy pervades my thoughts this day as it did this past Aggie Awakening.

Yet we ought not to discount the mountains for what they are—mountains—and thus turn them into molehills. I tried to do just that that Sunday. I was a mess. I was stressed, and I snapped. I refused not only to love in that moment, I rejected God's love around me. I couldn't—for that extended moment—turn the other cheek.

It was all of a sudden "about me." That's happened over the summer several times for me, which occurs for us all when we start doubting God's plans for us and all of His children. It's once we let go of our preconditions of love that we are born not into slavery but into freedom to love. We aren't burdened in the same way anymore. We are transfigured in love. And in these days since that weekend, I have seen His love transfigure not only me and my condition but my brothers and sisters in Christ and the whole world around me.

Be transfigured in love and let the world be changed because of it. Don't let that mountaintop experience go but cherish it evermore.

August Sun

2008-08-04T20:16:00.003-05:00

Brightening sky,
With orange wisps of cloud,
You give your display
As though I were the only one,
But rather you deserve ten thousand to my one.

How do I describe
What sages and poets once tried?
Dark blues dance into purple,
And purples play into pink
And pinks into oranges with beauty in such a feat.

I struggle to grasp the words,
As though they were your clouds.
Now passing pale purples,
Before your bright canvas,
Show your inflamed glory that stays.

Yet you do not stay the same;
Your beauty constantly changes.
Your brightness and light give way
To the darkness of night
And to flashes of lightning strikes.

You dim this day,
Your yellows and oranges mere dreams instead.
In your place, grayish blues
And worrisome clouds take your stead
In a harrowing tempest foretold.

The winds pick up,
They rustle through the trees,
And thunder rumbles
In the distance
As you fade away.

And yet before this all,
In my audience of one,
I see through the pond's reflection,
A bright red orb of fire dancing,
You, the elusive and fiery August sun.

Stormy Seas

2008-08-03T23:33:00.003-05:00

Stormy seas
With strongest gales,
Stormy seas
With drenching rains

What waves dost have,
What tempest swirls;
What deafening roar
Dost possess in anger so great.

You buffet my ship
With anger so great;
The sails flutter
In the winds as they break.

The waves crash in,
Assailing my ship
With gauntlet after gauntlet of despair,
Leaving only destruction in its wake.

Fighting against fight,
Raging against storm,
I rise to take my stand
And vanquish you once more.

Let the Rains of Justice Come...

2008-07-15T23:55:00.007-05:00

Okay, so I waited long enough to undertake this writing, and it appears it won't be as polished as I hoped in all the time since last Wednesday. It is has been a topsy-turvy week for me, one I wish not to be rivaled but one that I'm sure will be in the eventuality that things must get worse before than can get better. Yet, it is in difficult situations that one learns about oneself. So it is.

The first point I would like to cover, and I feel as if I am a broken record here speaking to a faceless audience, one I'm not even sure cares what I say or to another audience that sees these words as pure sorrow, is that I am somehow dejected in sorrow. As to that I must respond whole-heartedly, for it says in Romans 5:3-5:

Not only that, but we even boast of our afflictions, knowing that affliction produces endurance, and endurance, proven character, and proven character, hope, and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the holy Spirit that has been given to us.

Did you catch that? In our affliction. It results in proven character and proven character, hope. And hope (as we know) doesn't disappoint. Some might ask: "Why is there sorrow? Why is there pain?" And the simple answer is in sorrow we find ourselves. It is in adversity, in the unhappy times, that we can see what brings us to completion in the joyous times.

And so in this I have felt a great hope. It is in this testing by fire of one's commitments to the road ahead and to the love of God and creation that can become red-hot in nature and a reason for great affliction presented throughout our lives.

I shall state it here. I shall state it on the rooftops, on the streets, to anyone I meet. I am a man of emotion, yes. I find in emotion the greatest gift I can present and that is a set of feelings wrought hopefully not only in reality of the situation but in a future of possibility and of joy. I cannot go throughout this world simply reasoning things away, for me living is about loving. As St. Thomas More stated (and which I have already quoted before): "In the end it is not a matter of reason, it is a matter of love." To me this sums up life quintessentially. It should be our calling, our mantra, and our guiding rule of living. Just as much as the statement "Preach the Gospel at all times—if necessary use words" is a good one to follow, these words of St. Thomas More are not simply words but a call to action, to live not solely on reason but out of compassion for the world around us and for those in our lives and those who we have possibly ignored.

And yes, that can take a sappy connotation. It can be taken to be simply romantic fluff, emotional sappiness, or any other concoctions of placement. But it is none of those things. If we truly love, if we truly care for those around us, it doesn't become emotional sappiness or romantic sweet-nothings spoken silently to a loved one. It becomes real and true change in this world.

For in our broken human nature, we center ourselves around our own well-being, our own concerns, our own thoughts and wishes. It becomes solely "what's in it for me?" rather than "how does this affect the One I ought to care for?" Here's the danger, especially when one becomes possibly too attracted to the call for selfless love...having a disordered craving for intimacy. Yes, we all crave intimacy, but when it becomes a disordered demand for it, it hinders not only our relationship with God and ourselves but especially those near to us, to the one in our midst. These disordered cravings can become the calling card of a unbalanced relationship that leads to pain and to suffering. And then it comes a blaming game, either aloud or in one's heart.

The danger lies there...in words unspoken, in concerns unshared. It becomes almost a vain bitterness for a "wrong" done that was no "wrong" at all, merely a misunderstanding or like two ships passing in the night, so to speak.

And it is therein lies the crux of the problem for me: balancing reason with emotion. I can float back and forth quite quickly, maybe sometimes too much for those who know me. One cannot go through life simply on calculated reason. Human beings are not simply rational agents. We are people with emotions (hidden or exposed) and thought-processes that aren't the flawless things we try to make them out to be.

And so last Wednesday, the rains of justice fell. They washed away the misconceptions of my heart and started the process of peace once more and of removing conflict and pain.

Those words spoken to me by another were part of the cleansing process, just as much as the physical drops of rain that fell for those two hours. Those were the same words that were with me during Mass that evening, as the rains crescendoed during the Consecration, the same words I heard not just that person speak to me earlier that afternoon but Christ too speak to me during the Mass: "Do not be afraid to reach out with love." I cursed my affliction on Monday, and it was blessed on Wednesday—not by me, but by Christ himself. How could I curse this affliction of mine? Why should I be of so little faith when I've followed the Lord for so long and through so much? Why could I not let go of my selfish pride and thoughts at the time for a greater plan?

Father David's homily that day spoke of the curiousness of God's plan through salvation, as the Gospel reading was from Matthew 10 when Jesus chose His disciples, specifically on the reasons why He choose Judas Iscariot as one of the Twelve. Since He foreknew all things, why do something like that? It's sometimes through these most counter-intuitive plans that our personal redemption is brought to life. It's not that the road is simple that we are on it. It's because it's difficult to grasp that we continue on in learning and growth of understanding.

And so I see these events of not only the immediate past weeks but these years of confusion in my heart at various times as something of a grander plan that does make more sense. That this is helping me in my understanding how to fully give of myself, the pulling and pushing of the heart I've been reminded of lately.

This doesn't by itself take away the feelings of uneasiness in reaching out. It merely allows for a greater confidence in the One who sends me. That somehow, I will make it through the present afflictions.

I don't know if those whom I care for will always return the love I feel, but if it is a selfless one, I must learn to give and not receive at times. If it is selfless then I must realize my hope is not in the human existence but in the Divine. I must throw down any idols I might have created in the process of trying to find a holy love of purity and chastity, no matter the most honest of intentions, and plow a new field. As the Lord says in Hosea 10:12, the closing to the first reading from last Wednesday:

“Sow for yourselves justice,
reap the fruit of piety;
break up for yourselves a new field,
for it is time to seek the LORD, till he come and rain down justice upon you.”

It is in the insecurity of my heart that I seek consolation, that I seek the Other in my life. I know not who She is, but it is She whom I seek. No eloquence of words can measure the confusion of heart in which I place myself here this time and many times before and surely many times to come. Some days I curse the writings I have done, and other times I bless them saying to myself it is a gift I shouldn't hide. And so I oscillate. It becomes a source of consolation and one of desolation. But if I did not say this to you, my dear reader, then I would be lying not only to you but myself.

I doubt myself too much, and quite apparently it shows. It seems as though I am damaged goods to some. So be it. If these words and past words shall incriminate me to the ends of the earth for being a sentimental bloke, then so be it. If these words shall call me a fool, then so be it. I'd rather be a fool for Christ in all of my warts than a person of self-wallowing glory or a liar in denial who is apart from Him. That is how I see these words exposed. For it is a call into the Night.

And so I say to those whom I love: love me with a love that is neither cold nor luke-warm but with one that is hot, as hot as the sun of day. Love me and I will love you in return!

It is my hope and my fullest intention to live this day and every day forward with a continually renewed love, reigned by clarity of heart, of mind, and of soul. For even if affliction shall bear down, the rains of justice shall prevail. The cross shall bear all sorrows. And so I pick up my own cross and carry on.

My heart shall not be silenced nor my willingness to reach out once more to you, whomever you are, in the wide world of ours. Peace be with you.

Living with Love: Love Renewed

2008-07-12T23:30:00.004-05:00

When the rains of life come...
Forget not the new life it brings,
For those same sorrows bring joys that linger
And grace that remains forever
In a heart that continues to sing.

When the rains of life come...
Forget not each ripple it makes,
For each drop changes the world
And renews life in ways untold
With new love to stay.

A new day of joy has begun
To live with love renewed,
To praise God for life,
For hearts that have been made new
And for peace coming out of strife.

The path ahead is true,
If we remain true to our call
To love one another through it all
With hearts renewed.

When struggles again appear,
Know this love will not pass,
For life is already too short
To let this happiness built
To ever be taken back.

As this day ends,
Know how my heart has grown,
For often the simplest of hearts
Are often the wisest
In making their love known.

And on this day,
You affirmed in my heart
A truth much greater than my own:
To love and to learn
In newness of heart
So that true love can be shown.

What more can I ask for
In this prayer than this:
To love with this love
And to learn with this love
Every day from this day with bliss.

Let God Do the Heavy Lifting

2008-06-27T17:00:00.003-05:00

Like a bird being lifted on warm currents of air, I've been lifted up from earlier troubles. It's not that I've made some great change or some magnificent achievement. I have left what I cannot change be as it is and allowed it to change itself in due time. I've let the things that don't matter fade to the background. It's at this time that the important things come to the fore, where the love present comes to shine. It lets those flourishes felt before remain as a repeating comfort, a soothing assurance of peace.

And so today has been a comfort oddly enough. Midterms were today, so I did a great deal of preparation to ready myself, and yet it seems that effort has succeeded. And so a minor victory has been won while the overall victory won't be known until midweek next week but for now I am satisfied with the effort put forth. And even with a month remaining, I can see the possibility for continued success and eventual victory in August.

While I see the future as completely cloudy, I am not afraid. Somehow amid the darkest of outlooks I know not fear. Failure may come, but fear isn't conquered in a corner. It is fought—and won—in the light of the sun, in the brightness of the day. And with the currents of warmth, I am lifted in the brightness of day. I know the darkness of night will come again and that it will turn my gladness to sorrow and pain, but it is a passing thing. Pain passes into obscurity when there is trust in the Unknown.

I must let God do the heavy lifting. Just like when a friend offers to help you move, you don't ignore his offer of help and do all the lifting as he watches on. It's a team effort, and with all things joy enters in when the job is done. But is the job ever truly done? Do we ever finish and rest on our laurels of "success?" We are a people of journeys, of continued exploration and discovery. So there are actually no endings in our journeys, just new beginnings.

However, we are presented at times a vision of what the end is like, where restlessness is banished to oblivion and peace is found. The vision is illusory, of course, but small tastes of this peace are what sustain us for the remainder of the journey. Yet, joy and peace cannot be realized or appreciated without first knowing what the opposite is, the sorrow and discord. It's not that we necessarily are tempted by evil to devolve into fear or doubt all the time, rather it's that we are being strengthened ever more and being shown greater insight to the joys of life until our earthly lives are complete, until we have run our course here. We are being trained to take more of the heavy lifting that God shoulders in many ways in ways seen but often is quite unseen. This is what grace is.

We must never lose sight that all of this at present is passing and how ephemeral things truly are. There might be a travesty or trial in our lives right now that we think that we cannot surpass, that we cannot overtake or that has conquered us. But with grace, how can we be conquered? With grace, how can we be shaken from the vision of journey's end? With all things, even with the darkest of clouds, there is a silver lining that cannot be overcome by the darkness. And so in all things, perseverance is key.

Today comfort has entered in. Today security has been felt. Today the beauty of God quietly has been shown. I hope you have seen this in a way like I have today.

Peace be with you.

You Will Know Them By Their Fruits

2008-06-25T23:59:00.009-05:00

May grace and peace be yours in abundance
through knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.

His divine power has bestowed on us
everything that makes for life and devotion,
through the knowledge of him
who called us by his own glory and power.
Through these, he has bestowed on us
the precious and very great promises,
so that through them you may come to share in the divine nature,
after escaping from the corruption that is in the world
because of evil desire. For this very reason,
make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue,
virtue with knowledge, knowledge with self-control,
self-control with endurance, endurance with devotion,
devotion with mutual affection, mutual affection with love.
- 2 Peter 1:2-7

The above passage was from a reading at Daily Mass earlier this month. It is a passage that has remained with me throughout the days since. And today, among many others, I have been feeling movements of the heart and the grace that is indistinguishably of the Lord. I haven't remained faithful in my love to Him these days. I have filled my head with doubts, with failures of my heart and failures of my mind. The greatest danger is the lacking of trust in Him and in His plan for each of us.

The most debilitating failure of all is that lack of trust. Once the trust is gone in a relationship, how can either of those involved be able to find common ground with the other? The relationship enters the period of a storm, a raging storm. It enters turmoil that cannot be escaped from natural means, from temporal means. For forgiveness is not a temporal way of life. To forgive is to "lose" something that one once possessed, a claim against another. And so line up the claimants, one might say. Yet, in forgiveness there is salvation. In forgiveness there is trust. In trust there is faith. In faith there is hope. In hope there is love. And in love there is God. And with God, nothing is impossible. No power or principality, no height or depth can come between us and God, between us and His love.

So what will come of our actions in this life? What are our fruits, if you will, of what we sow now in our thoughts and in our deeds? How do we treat the others in our lives and think not only of our concerns but the other in our midst? As Jesus had said:

"Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing,
but underneath are ravenous wolves.
By their fruits you will know them.
Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?
Just so, every good tree bears good fruit,
and a rotten tree bears bad fruit.
A good tree cannot bear bad fruit,
nor can a rotten tree bear good fruit.
Every tree that does not bear good fruit will be cut down
and thrown into the fire.

So by their fruits you will know them."
- Matthew 7:15-20

If we are to remain in Him, through the storms and through the troubles, then we must love. If we have not love then we are nothing. We are merely a clashing cymbal or a resounding gong. It means nothing if we gain all the things of the world but do not have love. It is in this love that the good fruits are found. I read recently in a discernment book a particularly charming quote from St. Thomas More, whom I could go on for hours, and it simply states a very succinct axiom which reads: "In the end it is not a matter of reason, it is a matter of love."

In all actions patience and love are required. We cannot fulfill through actions with which we are not first filled with. So love could not—and still cannot—be simply reasoned into existence. It requires faith to come into existence. It must come into existence in the form of Man to redeem what was lost in the actions of our free will, to redeem what Man truly is supposed to be—an image of the Divine.

And so there is but one thing to do then and that is love. May you find trust and peace in what the Lord has given you this day.

Peace be with you.

A Prayer at Eventide

2008-06-22T23:00:00.003-05:00

Lord, I come to You,
My whole self trembling.
Tell me of my wrongs.

Lord, I see You now,
Passing before my broken soul.
Show me Your way of peace.

Lord, I feel Your presence,
Burning into the depths of my soul.
Give me grace through Your counsel.

Lord, I know Your love,
Overflowing in my heart.
Turn my mourning into Your joy.

See my devotion, O Lord,
To the Call You have given me.
Give me peace through Your love.

Feel my yearning, O Lord,
To know You even more.
Show me the paths to Your wisdom.

Come to me, O Lord,
To guide me in my sleeping and my waking.
Tell me of Your will.

Give me peace in tonight's tranquil rest
And resolve each day to love all of You
With a heart so greatly blessed.

Love Made Renewed

2008-06-02T02:05:00.003-05:00

Going and going...
What's going on?
What's new?

Falling and falling...
Where are we going to land?
Why are we so few?

Thinking and thinking...
What's going to come next?
How are we to get through?

It's through faith, hope, and love...
And through His Son, the Christ—love made renewed.

Eyes for Tomorrow

2008-05-29T01:45:00.002-05:00

Summer days drive on
Day by day passes
How so are you missed...

The words of a poet
Scribbled down
Have no resting place...

They float from pen
Up currents away
Drifting with the clouds...

Beauty seen
Is now gone
Love given
Is now missing...

Eloquence is hollow
When words of joy
Turn to sorrow
And eyes of sadness
Turn to a brighter tomorrow.

A Millennial's Take: Old Media vs. New Media

2008-05-27T20:11:00.011-05:00

Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
And don't criticize
What you can't understand
Your sons and your daughters
Are beyond your command
Your old road is
Rapidly agin'.
Please get out of the new one
If you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin'.

Bob Dylan's The Times They Are A-Changin'

In a world where the old dinosaurs of media are trying to put a cap on new creation of new ways to distribute to the masses, we have a new group of us out there not accepting the status quo of the world.

We cross ideological divides. We ignore our differences of thought, accept our differences of background, and celebrate our common similarities as they exist.

We do not take "no" for an answer. We take it as a challenge to do better, to strive to improve not only our place but also the world around us. We don't accept the answers of the old vanguard at face value. We question thoughtfully and fully what is presented to us with an eye of discretion. We do not want to be lectured to on what direction to take. We want to be talk to—like human beings.

We are disappointed in the old way of doing things but don't think they should be completely ignored like was done by other recent generations that came before us whose complete rebellion was the answer but was hardly the solution to the generational problem.

We are constantly yearning to find the answer to the Human Condition. We are striving to bring peace to a world torn by strife that is consumed in "us-against-them" rhetoric. We are constantly dreaming not of impossible dreams but of ones grounded in reality and bits of fantasy all the same.

We are the 9-11 Generation. We are the Columbine Generation. We are the Internet Generation. We are the generation of the Virginia Tech tragedy. We are the Echo Boom Generation. We are the Millennial Generation. We are a generation that defies labels and wishes to transform what might be a tragedy or loss and turn it into something greater.

We are a generation born into a world where terrorism and our fight against it is all we have ever known our adult lives. The Cold War is but a distant dream and a harder one to juxtapose against the present day's wars. We are the generation of disappearing borders.

And yet the Old Way wishes to continue putting up the borders against creative change and against innovation in media, in technology, and even in the way we think and live. The Old Way wishes to hold back the winds of change, the winds of new creativity never before seen on such a scale. Why? Why must they try to stop the inevitable? The eventual?

Because they are dinosaurs of understanding in a new world of connectivity, of continuous mixing and mashing. They cannot see beyond the old paradigm of locked creativity where things were static and not dynamic. They have limited their reach of understanding like every aging generation before and like every generation in the ages to come.

What we all must realize as Americans and as free people of the world is that we must find new ways, inventive ways to bridge the new with the old, to bridge the traditional with the cutting edge, or we as a civilization as a whole will cease to exist.

We are the Millennials, and we are ready for change.

This Gift

2008-05-15T13:52:00.004-05:00

This gift is one I wish to give back every chance I can...
One I wish to be in every breath I take...
In every step I take...
In every ounce of my soul...
In every instance I take a stand.

Giving back what was not mine to begin with...
Giving back what is only a fleeting moment...
A moment of inspiration, of drive, of love.

If only every moment were like that moment of creation...
If only every moment were as luminous as the time of creation...
Then the world would truly be on fire...
Then the world would be afire in love.

Terra Firma

2008-05-06T02:15:00.023-05:00

I shall have to categorize this posting as one of the more negative ones lately. I am deep into the end of a semester, and I am craving to get away. Away from the pressures I have put on myself, the failures I have set up for myself, and for the sadness I've caused.

There is a great deal assumed in how I approach life. It's not that I must have the answers. I feel like I must always be making progress towards whatever the goal may be. If I am distracted whether it is boredom or exhaustion or a mix of both, it presents a particularly difficult problem. I must have some solid ground to work off of to make my way down the road. I have a need for some terra firma.

General satisfaction, or what some might call happiness, is not so much about the amount but the quality of life. I'm not entirely dissatisfied but I feel like I am accomplishing less with more time. I see my failures and I cringe. I continue to get the same hands. I'm treading water.

What do you do when you start treading water? Do you stop? Or do you change your approach? Of course you don't stop. You can't stop...else you'll sink to the bottom of the lake. You've got to adjust and make changes.

As a kid, we'd have at home what was generally called a "junk drawer." Everything that either didn't have a place or was frequently used went into that drawer. Eventually that drawer would be too full of literal junk and it would need to be reorganized until it could be remotely functional. It seemed like everything this semester went into that junk drawer for me. Relationships. Classes. Projects. Work Plans. Future plans. Current plans. Yesterday's lunch. Tomorrow's future.

Why can't I shake this funk? Why do I feel so ineffective? So useless? Yes, a flattering self-portrait, one to garner many admirers... No. I can't shake this funk because I have put everything into that single drawer. There's no organization—at best it's cluttered organization.

Why is it so cluttered? Old baggage. Old expectations. Debts, dreams, and distractions. Why? That's what I am asking myself now. Why? Why isn't the future clear?

Well, the future is no murkier than the past. The past has the tendency to crystallize the best... Ever heard of The Judd's country song Grandpa, Tell Me 'Bout the Good Old Days?

Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days
Sometimes it feels like this world's gone crazy
And Grandpa, take me back to yesterday
When the line between right and wrong
Didn't seem so hazy

Did lovers really fall in love to stay
And stand beside each other, come what may?
Was a promise really something people kept
Not just something they would say?
Did families really bow their heads to pray
Did daddies really never go away?
Oh, Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days

Grandpa, everything is changing fast
We call it progress, but I just don't know
And Grandpa, let's wander back into the past
And paint me the picture of long ago

Did lovers really fall in love to stay
And stand beside each other, come what may?
Was a promise really something people kept
Not just something they would say?
Did families really bow their heads to pray
Did daddies really never go away?
Oh, Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days
Oh, Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days

I have a tendency to not allow for the positive outlook for the future. It ends up being that I look to the past either as better or that the future isn't good enough or that I haven't done enough to justify the past or warrant my future. Odd, I suppose, but it's me. Like I said before, I need to feel like I've made progress. Or else, this might show that I have a great lack of patience with myself, if only at times.

And sad to say, after five years, I feel as though little if any progress has been made on my behalf. I just see a larger stack of papers in a never-ending game of shifting bureaucracy that's my life at present.

I am surrounded by friends. But I don't feel their touch as much any more. Any progress made in this area is lost to the feeling of being alone to myself in a crowded room. This is not because I don't have a lack of important things to discuss or a fervent desire to care for the other in my midst, rather it is because I am completely incompetent to order this task promptly and thus proceed with patience. I push myself back in circles. I am now back to where I started five years ago, no more and no less.

And what do I have to show for it as of late? An Aggie Ring, yes. But not the satisfaction that I am going into a future I am pleased with. How could something so good go so horribly wrong? Poor management? Poor willpower? Poor desire? I don't think it's any of these three. Maybe it's a combination but not just any one of these three.

How can I focus on my personal matters if I can't first solve my academic/financial ones? It's the basic order of needs that comes to rear its ugly head. Shelter and food are first, all other needs follow behind.

I think the "easiest" decision **on paper** for me right now would be to get my degree and go to the seminary. Financially this makes sense for what I'm looking at. Spiritually it is okay. Academically it would be fine...I love to learn things I am actually interested in... But there is a chink in my armor of surety here, too. It's almost as if God has decided to put an anti-hubris device in the models coming off the assembly line when I was born. There's always another fault that comes forth to break the assuredness of any situation.

However, that is not what I want. I will not be a priest. There, I've said it. I won't go as far as cannot, just as Thomas (of Doubting Thomas fame) could not himself say, "Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands and put my finger into the nailmarks and put my hand into his side, I will not believe." I just as well might make the same demand now for my own personal belief in His plans in my case.

I am not emotionally fit to be a priest. I know there is something deep within me, that's been there for the longest of times, where I feel the underlying need—no, compulsion—to give my all to another—my attention, my wealth, my understanding, my compassion, my love. You probably don't know what it is like to have this well inside only to be made, in essence, to learn in exercises of patience that God—and therefore love—requires it.

Yes, both priest and husband require such a self-giving sacrifice, but it is in the latter that I see myself most clearly, even if I don't see my future as clearly as I once did. It is in the latter I see requiring the greatest patience and, for me, the greatest love. For if one freely chooses God who has loved him since the beginning, is it not merely a return of the favor? However, is it not greater that one chooses to love someone who has not loved him first? Is this not a mirror image of God's love of each of His creation? And so I must emulate the One who has loved me first, bringing what love I have been given to another. For we do not know love until we are first loved. And it is in knowing His love for me that I shall have to not only return the favor but bring that love to others as well.

And so this compulsion requires that what wells inside of me be nurtured and tended to even though the garden remains fallow and untouched. That the brambles be trimmed back, even if the guest does not arrive as planned or even if she makes plans and then promptly runs away never to return again, for a garden elsewhere, one more distant and greener than can possibly be cultivated in the taxed soil of the garden's surroundings.

Why should you care about all of this of all of this timid psychobabble? I don't have an answer for that. But what was once private now is public, and even so, I am beginning to feel some peace and satisfaction on this stasis I am experiencing right now. I am simply saddened I have gotten myself into a cynical wheel of sorrow.

Dreams rarely come true, especially when one cannot keep those dreams—and wishes of happiness—straightened out for longer than five minutes. After those five minutes the world comes crashing back down, saying to me: "you stupid boy." If only I would learn and be at peace more often. If only, but there is still hope ahead. If there is anything at all, there is still hope, hope for solid ground.

I Must Do...

2008-04-19T20:08:00.001-05:00

It is in a moving peace and a moving joy that I am called to action this day. I am a man who is not happy to leave good enough alone. I am at heart a doer. I don't necessarily want the answer I have to be the right one, but every day I feel I must move closer to that understanding.

I must accomplish progress in the plans set before me so that I might not become discouraged. In short, I must have hope.

But if I have not the faith in my heart that the hope of a new day is to come, then how am I to live? I must live with love. I must show, as Pope Benedict said in conference with U.S. Catholic educators Thursday in Washington, D.C., "intellectual charity" not only to my own work but that of my peers and my professors. It is needed in everything I do to make it an act of charity, an act of love. In all things love and prayer must pervade. That is the mark of a holy life.

Let us be moved each day to find peace and joy in pursuing intellectual charity in all its glorious forms.

Out of Chaos Comes Order

2008-04-17T21:19:00.001-05:00

Some fellow peers and I had a discussion on whether there was such a thing as ordered chaos. I was firmly against such a notion simply because all I could see before me was chaos and no order to things lately. Slowly in the week since the discussion, I am finding the opposite to be true both in the physical and in the spiritual sense. Even though all has come from a chaos, it has been ordered in such a way even from the start by a hand so slight, a hand so delicate that the intricacies of what might look to be chaos but is truly order beneath it all.

I don't have another moral essay today as was the case this past weekend, but I am starting to notice that even in the most chaotic of times order—and therefore peace—can be found if only we rest our restless hearts and listen to the Word of God in the midst of our lives.

The Embrace

2008-04-14T12:10:00.001-05:00

These are just a few words from a writing session in the Commons from a couple of weeks ago... So much is left to be done and there's so little time to do it within. If I don't have peace, how can I give it? I'm still working on that one.

The Embrace

Quiet, silent
The winds of the Heart
Do blow...

With kindness
The words of the Heart
Do flow...

With patience
The will of the Heart
Is known...

With great care
The love of the Heart
Is sown...

All grace,
All mercy
From this Sacred Heart
Does flow.

How fair,
So very fair
Is this Heart,
One so eternally blest.

How saving,
So very saving,
In troubling times
Is this Heart of Mercy.

Glory and honor,
Worship and adoration,
Is due this Heart,
This Heart of Mercy.

Worthy of praise,
Endless praise,
Is due this Heart,
This Heart of Mercy.

Set me afire,
Heart of Mercy,
This very day...
Afire in love.

Grace me with a love
Blind to this world,
To give to this world,
No matter its Fall.

Grant me,
Sacred Heart Most Holy,
A calming peace to serve,
To serve you completely.

Give me peace
To accept this world,
To live in this world
But not for this world.

Give me courage
To love still more
Even after we part
From this sacred embrace.

Shower me in grace
To love this day
And every day from now;
Give to me this embrace.

An Abandonment to God's Will

2008-04-13T03:03:00.009-05:00

If there has been anything with resonance for me within the past week it has been this phrase buried within a weekday homily. The context of its placement to Scripture matters not as Scripture is wholly based on the concept and therefore would require me to quote the whole of it in order to grasp what is before me in the present.

The resonance is, in addition to this, in the words of Pope Benedict XVI's Jesus of Nazareth, where in the first chapter he declares quite skillfully that man's innate desire is to know not so much his innocuous beginnings but what future is to become of him. So much so is this the case that man wishes to tear asunder the curtain to see the realization of his salvation. We are so much in search of the Prophet within our lives that we can often times lose sight of much else.

It is in contemplation and discussion that we see Jesus the Prophet come to bear His Truth. It is not an easy Truth to accept nor is it a popular one. The road is tough simply because of the fact that much of the time we don't realize we aren't on it and that we should be. We would much rather go through torment than apply our gifts of life because that road would appear to be the easier one.

I would suppose quite the opposite. I would say that we should take the more difficult of paths before us, the one that appears to be the harder of the two, not because the road would be the path of least resistance but because in that path of privation and uncertainty not only do we find ourselves and the meaning of ourselves but so too God and the meaning of God Himself—in some of the most ironic of ways.

We may laugh and we may cry on this path of privation for as it says in Proverbs, "Even in laughter the heart may be sad, and the end of joy may be sorrow" (Proverbs 14:13). However, it is in both sorrow and joy that we find our place amongst everything of Creation.

More often than not with the more answers that one receives, the more questions arise in one's heart. This has certainly rung true for me. I know not the route of this path of privation, but I do know that through a certain amount of abandonment of the extraneous excesses of worrying in life to God and His will while making willful choices in line with His teachings, I can find peace within Him and within His Divine Plans. These are not plans for fame or plans for fortune. No, desires of such things of lust ought to be left for the pettier of our kind. What we ought to seek for is the love of our fellow man.

Empathy is an oft-shunned quality amongst the most masculine of the world. They are somehow above or supposed to be above showing an honest and forthright concern not only for himself but for the Other in his midst. Man, in the modern sense, is meant to wall himself in a fortress impenetrable, on a fort atop a hill that cannot be breached by emotion. Ah, but when the walls of this mighty fortress are breached and the hillsides scaled, what a disappointing loss for this kind of man within!

It is the man who places himself like a city on a river without defenses, who freely trades with others on this body of water that is scoffed, derided, and laughed at in our society. He is the "weaker" of the two men. He is more open to attack and therefore defeat at the hands of his foe. And so goes the reasoning of our day.

But I ask of you this: which of these men are truer to his own self? Which is truer to his innate being? Who bears the face of Christ more?

I declare it to be the latter of the two. It is the man whose defenses are not walled up, who freely trades amongst the others upon the body of water and thus leaves himself open to attack.

All is not what it seems. Is the more defended one the man who spends all his resources of life to defend himself inside his inner keep and ready himself for a siege war that will last him his existence until he takes his last warm breath and expires from this earth? Or could it be the man who appears to be the weaker of the two who has a treasury not of bullets and bombs or machines and mortars but has instead a treasury of priceless gems and golden implements to ward off the despair of the looming attack?

It is the Pearl of Great Price that resides at the heart of the man of the second kind. He will not be overcome with defeat or slaughter. It is he who will rise above any challenge at hand.

And yet men of our day are cut down, are demoralized in the struggle, and lose faith in their way to greatness, to peace, and to salvation. We are the ones fed insecurity and concern of what the world thinks of our actions, our beliefs, and our very real and personal love for the Other in our lives. Somehow we must show the man of the first kind to the outside world but be the one of the second to only a select few confidants, a short list expected never to grow very large. How realistic is this even for the most "typical" masculine men of the current day's sense and all its varied sensibilities? None whatsoever.

We should reject this unrealistic and destructive demand upon our manhood. We should reject the demoralizing vices and temptations of lust and greed that pollute not only the judgment of our minds but the love of our hearts. We should reject the chains of sin to which we have bound ourselves in taking what appeared to be the easier road at the onset. How else are we to become the true men we are to be? How else can we be better examples of a fully sacrificial love to the Other in our lives? How else are we to be Christ to the Other in our midst?

There is no other way but to give in abandonment our selfish desires to God's will in order to fully transform what was once the broken man found in the archetype of Adam and thus be transfigured into a more Christ-like—and therefore more holy—example in a world beset with problems and very few men of good worth ready to solve these problems. It is in this transformation and transfiguration that we become those men of good worth to truly be the providers that we have been called to be and ought to be in a world torn asunder in strife.

Words of Kindness

2008-04-08T20:45:00.003-05:00

Your words of kindness
Shower my heart with great joy.

Your smile of sincerity
Strengthens me with much peace.

Your eyes of compassion
Draw me even closer to you.

Your soft loving touch
Gives my heart warmth so great.

Inspiration you have given,
An inspiration to carry on.

At the start,
My breath was taken away;
Your beauty entered in.

But your words,
Those very sweet words,
Have been greater yet...
Planted in my heart which sings.

You compel me
To be a better man,
A better man than I am...

To grow more...
To give more...
To see more...
To be more.

So glad is my heart
That you are there
To so greatly brighten
Even the darkest of days.

Grace Is a River

2008-04-07T22:20:00.002-05:00

Joy cannot be sustained by just willing it. Joy is being with others and changing others. Grace is a key component of joy...if one is not filled with grace how can joy enter into one's life?

Today has been a rather exhausting day of deadlines piling up, of expectations being blown away, and of an aching desire for the semester to go away and at the same time the wish it would be longer.

It seems I have no answers today, just questions, just pains. I have tried many ways to shake the questions, the doubts in my mind. I have come so far, but it seems not far enough. I am trying to assuage the doubts, the stress. I am finding new paths to relieving my stress as the old ones are dying away.

I am starting to focus more on the smaller things, especially on campus. They're everywhere now that it's spring, especially while walking around. I've noticed the sweeter smell of bushes I've yet to notice before. With the help of a friend, I narrowed it down to be Japanese Pittosporum, which has a sweet smell that reminds me of the gardenias from home.

I was entirely worn out this afternoon, so I went to the Commons after my last class because I had a hunch that someone would be playing the piano in the lobby. Sure enough there was a fellow playing and so I dozed...and dozed. The chords of music continued to float, to dance in my mind. I cannot play, but the music calms me even when I am the tensest. It also helps me in my writing moods, to bring together something so effervescent as words on one's breath. I then recalled the poem I wrote a few days before, which I have posted below.

I knew of a few things that could have made the moment better and that could have made the moment perfect. I hoped for it, but it didn't come. The only thing that came was the thought: not today. So I left to go home and for dinner. But I was stopped again, this time in the park between Langford and the O&M building behind the Administration Building. The sun caught my eyes like it does in the evenings. It was flooding the park in a most pleasing orange.

I took another nap on one of the benches, letting the orange sunlight flood my eyes as I looked up to the oak trees' branches overhead. All I heard were the birds' chirps and the quiet, cool feeling of the breeze. The breeze felt like it was an invisible blanket of comfort, like God was tucking me in for rest. I had finally relaxed. I had finally smiled for the day.

I felt compelled enough to go to the Bonfire Memorial for the first time this semester. I hadn't been there since my photography trip the Saturday morning before the A&M-Kansas football game last fall. I couldn't help but imagine that I was one of those fallen. That it was my name on the bronze plaque. I felt that would be easier than what is going on now. But their words gave me some peace, some perseverance to go on.

I don't want to leave this community, but I know I must eventually. I am being drawn to stay, to look closer at the small things, to breathe in the sweet smells, to go further, to go deeper in reflection and in love. I may be without much visible joy right now, but it is on shining the light underneath it all that my joy resides and shimmers. It may be buried, but it is not gone.

Joy is not about excluding the sorrows of life but accepting them and THEN rising above them. Joy is never to be a stagnant feeling...I just wish I wasn't so stagnant right now. My ship isn't moving on this listless sea. Maybe tomorrow will be a day where the winds take up my sails and move me forward to joy. Until then rest is my closest friend.

Peace is found not so much in happiness, but in an acceptance of what was, what is, and what will be. I am slowly finding that peace again.

Sweet Symphony

Raise, O Angelic Choruses,
Your voices in the heavens.
Show your boundless beauty
In voices ceaselessly raised
To the God of Endless Glory,
For through Him we are saved.

O God of Divine Mercy,
Give us voices worthy,
Worthy to sing You praise.
Give us the chords of love,
Chords in which to praise
The love You plant within us every day.

Strengthen our chords of love
Until we reunite in the Clouds above,
Where all sorrow is wiped away.
Lengthen our chords of love
So we may not only love our friends
But even our enemies to the very end.

Combine our chords of love
So that we may do Your will
On earth as it is in Heaven.
Bring together all our chords
So that they may be pleasing,
Pleasing in every way, O Lord.

Grant us Your mercy, O Lord,
In this world and the next,
Creating a sweet symphony so very blest.

Be a Light: Change the World

2008-04-03T23:57:00.021-05:00

It is an amazing testimony to God's giving grace when a certain type of person just falls into one's life. When, all of a sudden, you find yourself presented a gift not of material form but of spiritual form, such that there is no physicality to the gift but it is wholly between two separate and distinct spirits.

God's love and glory does operate in mysterious and distinct ways, but it is Him through it all. These are not premonitions I speak of but actual distinct movements within one's life.

I have felt the movements; I have seen the fingerprints of His hands. I know not where this Force is pulling me, but I know of its quiet presence, even in the most innocuous of items in one's existence.

Just as a diamond has many facets to it, where the Light is reflected uniquely through each facet, so is it in this universe of ours.

The simple reality is that even with the smallest change to this universe an indelible change is made to what once existed. This is why I laugh so at the Back to the Future movie trilogy. Even with the smallest of changes, say a chance encounter never intended to occur or a subsequent rekindling of the connection, can ultimately and drastically change the way this universe is reflected. Notwithstanding are some micro-changes that do not trickle down in future realities, but in the end each of us is drastically effected in our lives by even the smallest of choices.

Do I go for coffee today? Do I make a weekend trip? These questions may seem trivial, but out of the infinite number of choices of possible actions, you've chosen this one—to read these words I have composed. Why?

Only God knows all things and only God can foresee all things. What this does to your future consciousness is unknown to me. All I know for certain is that we must be thankful for what we have in the present and in very small ways, make the necessary steps in one's own life to bring God's will out to bear and through this bear the fruit of His Word and His Spirit.

I am thankful for this gift of His Spirit, this gift that isn't rationed but given freely to us by God for us in word, deed and thought by so many who act according to His will. We cannot do big things. We can only do little things in Christ and—through those actions—change the world.

Be a light to the world and you will leave a mark, not your own but Christ's—a mark that is imperishable, a seed planted that will not die but will give life. It is through this that you will bear the fruit that will remain.

Praise be to God for true friends, for as it is written in Proverbs 18:24: "Some friends bring ruin to us, but a true friend is more loyal than a brother." True friends should be always treasured, for they are worth more than all the riches of the world and all the time to discover them. It is worth it all.

As Jesus said:

"I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete.
This is my commandment: love one another as I love you.

No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends.
You are my friends if you do what I command you.
I no longer call you slaves, because a slave does not know what his master is doing. I have called you friends, because I have told you everything I have heard from my Father.
It was not you who chose me, but I who chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit that will remain, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name he may give you.
This I command you: love one another." - John 15:11-17

In closing:

May the God of peace himself make you perfectly holy and may you entirely, spirit, soul, and body, be preserved blameless for the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

The one who calls you is faithful, and he will also accomplish it. Brothers, pray for us, too. - 1 Thessalonians 5:23-25

Peace be with you, my friends.

The Quenchless Light

2008-04-02T12:35:00.002-05:00

A solitary flame,
Beauty, love the same,
Flickers in the night.

Its strength remains
Even while its wick wanes
And colors dance so bright.

Amid deepening darkness
The flame of yellow grows,
And flickers of light dance
To a silent score of might.

The light cuts the darkness
With an indomitable spirit;
The light conquerors the darkness
With a spirit that gives sight.

Quenchless is this flame...
Darkness has no chance
To win this eternal fight.

Forever burning bright...
Forever giving life...
Forever the quenchless light.

Divine Mercy

2008-03-30T23:32:00.012-05:00

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
who in his great mercy gave us a new birth to a living hope
through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,
to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you who by the power of God are safeguarded through faith, to a salvation that is ready to be revealed in the final time.

In this you rejoice, although now for a little while
you may have to suffer through various trials,
so that the genuineness of your faith,
more precious than gold that is perishable even though tested by fire, may prove to be for praise, glory, and honor
at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

Although you have not seen him you love him;
even though you do not see him now yet believe in him,
you rejoice with an indescribable and glorious joy,
as you attain the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
-- 1 Peter 1:3-9

The words speak to perseverance in the present. They are a collection of words I need to have heard this very day. The various trials at hand—in mind, in body, and in spirit—test me like gold in fire. I must endure these bouts of desolation mixed with the rays of consolation so that my faith may not be poorly rooted in sandy soil but in soil that is both life-giving and life-protecting. If we are not put through sorrows there is no way we are to know the immense joys in our lives. There cannot be an experience of joy without feeling the sorrow that our earthly lives experience on occasion.

I have felt an indescribable and glorious joy, and daily I must call myself to rejoice in it, no matter what the current dissuasion might be. All earthly things will pass. Current dissuasions bring me away from the Truth before me, from His Will calling me to act in accordance to Him.

What I so definitely know is that these things—all of them—are firmly rooted. I know I must realize that I may be the captain of my own ship on the seas of life but that I am also captain of a ship with sails and therefore am bound to the will of the winds before me. I am no master of the universe, just one sailing amid the currents of this sea. Where I am to go, what I am to do is mine to decide, but I ultimately must realize and accept His Divine Mercy in my life and in my decision making. It does not excuse me from my wrongs, but it empowers to move on, to give more completely, to love more fully.

I see before myself the many great gifts the Lord has bestowed on me and might wish for them to remain with me forever more, but I do realize that I must learn to let go and love with an unattached love. I must be forever grateful for the acts of mercy in my life. Thanks be to God for His mercy. Thanks be to God.